I really feel like I’m getting it. I’m starting to really get it, like, in general. The whole, just, like, life of it all. I think it’s starting to really, finally

crystallize.

When I walk through the woods, I feel like I have relationships with all the trees and all the ants underground. I never realized how many anthills there are. They’re more everywhere than you could ever imagine.

where do they go? Mosquitos are everywhere, too, and I keep getting bit by them. What are their mating rituals? Do they sleep? Are they eusocial or do they just do their own thing? Clearly they're doing something right.

I’m getting fucked on by mosquitos right now. Big, itchy bite to my left forearm, one to my left shin, one somewhere else that I can’t place yet. They're the super-itchy kind, the kind that starts to freak you out because you know you can’t itch it, but what else are you supposed to do with the discomfort?

A couple months ago, I was in San Francisco thinking about butterflies in earnest for the first time in my life. I learned that there’s quantum mechanics happening inside them. Metalloreceptors and cryptochrome and shit. Moths, too.

We don’t know it yet, but I’m sure the ants have some kind of quantum sensors as well. I think we all do.

We don't know shit. The genome of Staphylococcus aureus is made up of about 3000 genes (as far as we know). Of those, 700 are listed as making something called “hypothetical protein.” As in, "we don't know what this is for." We don’t know shit.

I was looking at a moth in my bathroom last night and saw how crazy its eyes were. It must have been looking at me in a way that I will probably never be able to fully comprehend, not unless I meditate for hours in search of memories of my past lives as compound-eye-having creatures.

What a thing it is to feel so much discomfort from something so tiny, a kind of discomfort that only goes away when left alone.