i’ve been ruminating on this hinge message i sent to the world’s hottest man, and how he hasn’t responded, and how that must imply that he is never going to reply, and how this is now the end of the world, and how i have recently become very inept at writing, and how i am not a writer at all, and how i ought to give up on written communication, and on top of those things, there is also the emails i sent that never got replies, and it leads me to believe that this digital communication thing is not my realm, it’s not appropriate, it’s not the place for me, it’s not worth continuing. i ought to give up entirely on digital communication. i believe that these are the signals that the universe is sending me. or, rather, the universe is sending me an absence of signals in these cases, and all of the cases seem to stack up and up on top of each other over and over, relentlessly, and i take these signals to heart, and i consider my next behaviors, and i could either continue trying, or i could give up entirely.

no more texting more likely what i will do is only speak when spoken to. i suppose that is a fine option as well. only speak when spoken to. i have texts from aunt j▒▒ and k▒▒▒▒ to which i must respond, and who knows who else i have left hanging recently. i have to get back in touch,,,,,,,, but no, i don’t. i can leave them hanging forever and ever if i so please. i could leave them hanging and hanging, waiting and waiting, and it won’t matter, because just think of all the people who have left me hanging and waiting and whom i do not resent for it.

i’m not a writer. i’m someone who writes. i happen to write, and it happens to be my chosen way of processing certain stimuli from the environment, from the universe, but i can choose to delete the website, i can choose to no longer be on the face of the digital world, i can remove my digital footprint entirely, i can delete myself from the public record.

anyway. i’m remaining singularly focused. it is possible that this singular focusedness can get in the way of processing things that have happened to me, disappointments that i face, and other things of this sort. for example, i focus singularly on this message that i sent to this dude on hinge, while in reality it is one of hundreds of missed connections that i have experienced in my life, right...... right.