When you say something true, you better make sure it’s true. Korenara said that, or something like it, in her twenty-seven things learned at twenty-seven. Maybe I should do one of those. Okay here we go I’m doing it fuck I’m nervous. Number

one

thing I learned is the point is the point. right. Number

two

thing I learned is that rene descartes is a douchebag I wish I could time travel to when he was alive so I could relentlessly bully him to prevent his ideas from entering the collective consciousness, to install a sort of collective BLOCK on his ideas through bullying of the relentless kind. I wouldn’t want to make him kill himself, but I’d want him to stop doing philosophy and ummmm..... and be a farmer. But you know, a small-time, humble farmer, just self-sustaining, that’s all he’s doing, and he lives a peaceful life but he doesn’t have any children and he is not remembered in any way. yeah. Number

three

is that it’s better to stand than to sit. Number

four

is that luck is real, it does exist, and it happens to you, and when you see it happening to you, it’s nice to be like, “omg hey that was cool, that was awesome actually!” Because then it is more likely that luck will happen to you again. Luck wants to keep happening, and it wants to be encouraged. Number

five

is money goes to money. Number

six

is that “interesting” is a terrible word to use in conversation. Someone says something, and you say, “oh that’s so interesting.” And that’s all you say, like.... I need a more substantial adjective if you’re going to use an adjective, bro. please. Mmmmmy god dude, fucking fuck. Numberrrrerererrr

sixxxxxx

is that the devil is a liar! Thhhhe

seventh

thing I learned in twenty-seven years is that it’s actually really important to take care of kids when you get a chance. It’s really important to show them how things can be, how things can be, you gotta show them how things can be. Kids are the future and the future is fragile and we gotta try to make the future better, right? Unless we’re willing to accept that we’re going to cause catastrophic climate change and let it catastrophically catastrophize everything........ uhehrhehmmm... Number

eight

is that climate change is real for sure no yeah dude I’ve seen the climate change in my own lifetime. It’s really hhhhappening it’s really happening. Number

nine

is that the Holocaust left a permanent scar on the fabric of humanity. Permanent damage from that shit. And yeah, lord, may it never happen again, except it is happening againainainainainainin, but our definition of “it” is so loose.... like, never again WHAT? What part exactly are we not supposed to be letting happen again? If it’s the genocide, then guys ummmmm guys it’s happening ummm guys you’re committing genocide. Was the thing that’s never supposed to happen again the literal Holocaust in the literal twentieth century? If so, then sure, yeah bro, it’s never going to happen again. Like yeah okay that EXACT thing will never happen again... FUCK. uh huh. Number

ten

is that two is a horribly terribly unlucky number. Two is inherently unstable. Or maybe it's too stable for its own good. The number ten, for example, which consists of two digits, may look nice to you, even more so because of all the cool things 10 participates in, like one hundred and one million, but in truth, two is an unlucky number. It’s hard for two to turn back to one or to three or anything else. Two just wants to suck on itself forever and ever. Two is the ouroboros, the snake eating itself, one thing eating the other and the other eating the one thing, both eating each other,,,,,,,, the scourge of dualism. I would now take the opportunity to kill descartes if he hadn’t died on his farm yet. Number

eleven

is it was actually fun to be in math class learning times tables. I really did like eleven times eleven is one hundred twenty-one that one was really fun, and it was fun to be really competitive and want to be the fastest one to do something. And number

twelve

is that harry potter is honestly a really great book series. It’s really actually pretty edifying, and I know the whole jk rowling discourse is so tired by now that I’m not even going to comment on it. The old me would’ve said fuck jk rowling, but I’m not even gonna say that. I feel fine just leaving it at “harry potter is awesome.” Sorry guys I just don’t have the energy to get into that right now. But the book series is good. Fuck man that’s literally it I’m not saying anything about whether we should continue to platform jk rowling or whether she’s truly a terf or whether terfs need to all be hunted down and plucked from the earth like I’m just not open to it right now dude can you stop bringing it up? Number

thirteen

will be about taylor swift. What I’ve learned about her is that she’s had a pervasive influence on my life as a music listener. Number

fourteen

is about the number in general. The number itself. The number! The concept of the number. Like all conceptual thoughts, thoughts about numbers need to be killed. Pushed off a roof of some kind. But of course, the concept of something being able to be pushed off a roof is a concept that itself must be killed. So I kill those and move on to... ouch! Number

fifteen

burger king foot lettuce. Autocomplete, something the brain just does. I’ve learned that we’re living in a time in the history of humanity where we’re more attuned to how our actual brains work, because we’re surrounded by things we’ve made in its image all the time. Computers and AI: we’re spending all our time with them, and they’ve all been made in our image, in the image of our brains, our brains as we see them, for realsies. I am, right now, worshiping at the altar of something that was made in humans’ image so that other humans in the future might look at what I’ve made and worship it as the false idol that it is. Made in MY image and not god’s.... but then, what is it about art that is so tantalizing to make? There is something so far removed from the act of sharing it, something so primally necessary about the process itself, something that is almost haunting. The urge to make art, how do you explain it, how could anyone ever explain it? The point is, number fifteen leads to burger king foot lettuce, autocomplete is a thing, more so because computer is everywhere. Sixteeeeen, number

sixteen

is commit to the bit. When I was 16, I made a playlist called “summer ☀️” and showed it to my best friend with some joke about how lol I’m making a summer playlist like a basic white girl, and now it’s eleven years later, having fully committed to the bit, and it’s not a joke anymore, and it's fun. seriously! Mmmmannannanannan what number am I on? Number

17

is fuck capitalism it’s literally the root of all evil for real bro, fuck capitalism and lowkey fuck netflix except bojack horseman is a genius show. yeah!

eighteen

is that when i turned eighteen, one thing i was worried about was the fact that i was now a legal adult and still hadn’t had my first kiss. I was so embarrassed, and I wanted it to happen in that way where someone just wants their first kiss to finally happen so it’s over with and so you don’t have to have it looming over you that you’ve never been kissed that nobody’s ever kissed you, you know? But now.... number

nineteen

is that I really like kissing, and I haven’t done it in a while now. It’s beeeeen a few months. More than a few months at this point, actually. Way more than a few months. Less than a year but still, you know, months........... fuck. I’m going through a dry spell, and number nineteen, the whole point is that my life has been, in many ways, one big dry spell. aww. Number

twenty

is that it takes a window breaking for you to realize it's just glass. Number

twenty-one

is that drinking is only fun sometimes. Number

twenty-two

is that taylor swift really REALLY has had an effect on my LIFE. Not just my musical life, my LIFE. She is part of the autocomplete. Number

twenty-three

is that Michael Jordan is one of those people I’ve never seen actually do the thing that made him famous, but I know he was so good at it that it makes sense to me when people say someone is the Michael Jordan of something. Number

twenty-four

is that the early twenties were pretty fun just like everyone says. Number

twenty-ffffffive

is that quarters, yeah, it’s always nice to have a few quarters on you. I mean, you might find the occasion to use quarters like once every six months, but on that occasion, it feels sooooo good to have quarters. Number

twenty-six

is that pararmore is a really fucking sick band. I love paramore that’s my favorite band there i said it. Number

twenty-seven

is that the time is now the present is always the best place to be let’s fucking goooo!!!!!! the end