"THE DOUBLE" is a short story by Fyodor Dostoevsky. The story, as translated by Constance Garnett, has been adapted for the stage.
GOLYADKIN WALKS INTO THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE.
go back GOLYADKIN: (muttering) Sorry.
HE SITS DOWN IN A CHAIR. HE IMMEDIATELY STANDS BACK UP.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Sorry.
HE SITS BACK DOWN. THE DOCTOR CLEARS HIS THROAT. THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Dr. Rutenspitz, I have come to trouble you a second time, and now I venture to ask your indulgence a second time…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: (smoking) H-m… Yes! But you must follow the treatment prescribed to you; I explained to you that what would be beneficial to your health is a change of habits… Entertainment, for instance, and, well, friends—you should visit your friends and acquaintances, and don't be afraid of a drink. And keep cheerful company.
GOLYADKIN: I think I’m like everyone else. I live by myself, I have entertainments like everyone else… Of course, I might go to the theatre, for I have the means like everyone else. I spend the day at the office and the evenings at home. I’m quite all right. I am, so far as I can see, as good as anyone. I live at home—and I have Petrushka.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m! No, that is not the order of proceeding that I want; and that is not at all what I would ask you. I am interested to know, in general, are you a great lover of cheerful company? Do you take advantages of festive occasions? And, well, do you lead a melancholy or cheerful manner of life?
GOLYADKIN: Dr. Rutenspitz, I…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: (interrupting) H’m! . . . I tell you that you must have a radical change of life, must, in a certain sense, break in your character. (beat) Must not shy away from merrymaking, must visit entertainments and clubs, and in any case, don't be afraid of a drink. Sitting at home is not right for you . . . sitting at home is impossible for you.
GOLYADKIN: I like quiet, Dr. Rutenspitz. In my flat there’s only me and Petrushka… I mean my man, Dr. Rutenspitz. I mean to say, Dr. Rutenspitz, that I go my own way, my own way, Dr. Rutenspitz. I keep myself to myself, and so far as I can see am not dependent on anyone. I go out for walks, too, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: What? Yes! Well, nowadays there’s nothing fun about walking: the weather is terrible.
GOLYADKIN: Quite so, Dr. Rutenspitz. Though I’m a peaceable man, Dr. Rutenspitz, as I’ve had the honor of explaining to you already, yet my way lies apart, Dr. Rutenspitz. The ways of life are widely varied… I mean… I mean to say, Dr. Rutenspitz… Excuse me, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’ve no great gift for eloquent speaking.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m… you say…
GOLYADKIN: I say, you must excuse me, Dr. Rutenspitz, that as far as I can see I am no expert at eloquence in speaking. In that respect, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’m not quite like other people. I can’t talk much, and have never learned to embellish my speech with literary graces. On the other hand, I act, Dr. Rutenspitz. On the other hand, I act, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m… How’s that… you act?
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
GOLYADKIN: Dr. Rutenspitz, I like tranquility, and not the noisy merrymaking of the world. Among them, I mean, in the noisy world, Dr. Rutenspitz, one must be able to polish the floor with one’s boots.
GOLYADKIN SCRAPES THE FLOOR WITH HIS TOE.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): They expect it, and they expect puns, too… One must know how to make a perfumed compliment… that’s what they expect there. And I’ve not learned to do it, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’ve never learned all those tricks, I’ve never had the time. I’m a simple person, and not ingenious, and I’ve no external polish. On that side I surrender, Dr. Rutenspitz, I lay down my arms, so to speak.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: (in a low voice) You have, I think, departed a little from the subject. I confess I cannot altogether understand you.
GOLYADKIN: (sharply) I’m no expert eloquent speaking, Dr. Rutenspitz; I’ve had the honor to inform you, Dr. Rutenspitz, already.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m!...
GOLYADKIN: Dr. Rutenspitz! Dr. Rutenspitz, when I came in here I began with apologies. I repeat the same thing again, and again ask for your indulgence. There’s no need for me to conceal it, Dr. Rutenspitz. I’m an unimportant man, as you know; but fortunately for me, I do not regret being an unimportant man. Quite the contrary, indeed, Dr. Rutenspitz, and, to be perfectly frank, I’m proud that I’m not a great man but an unimportant man. I’m not one to intrigue and I’m proud of that too, I don’t act on the sly, but openly, without cunning, and although I could do harm too, and a great deal of harm, indeed, and know to whom and how to do it, Dr. Rutenspitz, yet I won’t sully myself, and in that sense I wash my hands. In that sense, I say, I wash them, Dr. Rutenspitz!
GOLYADKIN IS SILENT.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): I set to work, Dr. Rutenspitz, directly, openly, by no devious ways, for I disdain them, and leave them to others. I do not try to degrade those who are perhaps purer than you and me… that is, I mean, they and me, Dr. Rutenspitz—I didn’t mean you. I don’t like insinuations; I’ve no taste for contemptible duplicity; I’m disgusted by slander and lies. I only put on a mask at costume parties, and don’t wear one in front of people every day. I only ask you, Dr. Rutenspitz, how you would take revenge on your enemy, your most malignant enemy—the one you would consider such?
DR. RUTENSPITZ MUTTERS SOMETHING UNDER HIS BREATH AND PULLS UP A CHAIR TO THE TABLE.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: My time is precious. I do not quite understand. I am ready, however, to attend to you as far as I am able, but I will not go into anything further that does not concern me.
DR. RUTENSPITZ REACHES FOR A PRESCRIPTION PAPER.
DR. RUTENSPITZ (cont.): I will immediately prescribe what is necessary.
GOLYADKIN: No, it’s not necessary, Dr. Rutenspitz! No, that’s not necessary at all!
GOLYADKIN GRABS DR. RUTENSPITZ’S RIGHT HAND.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): That isn’t what’s wanted, Dr. Rutenspitz.
GOLYADKIN STARTS TREMBLING. GOLYADKIN AND DR. RUTENSPITZ ARE SILENT.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Come, calm down!
DR. RUTENSPITZ ATTEMPTS TO SEAT GOLYADKIN IN AN ARMCHAIR.
GOLYADKIN: (whispering) I have enemies, Dr. Rutenspitz, I have enemies; I have malignant enemies who have sworn to ruin me…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Come, come, why enemies? You mustn’t talk about enemies! You really mustn’t. Sit down, sit down.
LONG SILENCE.
GOLYADKIN: (offended) I’m grateful to you, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’m very grateful, and I’m very aware of all you’ve done for me now. To my dying day I shall never forget your kindness, Dr. Rutenspitz.
GOLYADKIN STANDS UP.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Come, give it up! I tell you, give it up!
DR. RUTENSPITZ FORCES GOLYADKIN BACK INTO THE CHAIR
DR. RUTENSPITZ (cont.): Well, what’s the matter? Tell me what is unpleasant, and what enemies are you talking about? What is wrong?
GOLYADKIN: No, Dr. Rutenspitz, we’d better leave that now. Let us put all that aside for the time…. Till another time, Dr. Rutenspitz, till a more convenient moment, when everything will be discovered and the mask falls off certain faces, and something comes to light. But, meanwhile, now, of course, after what has passed between us… you will agree yourself, Dr. Rutenspitz…. Allow me to wish you good morning, Dr. Rutenspitz.
GOLYADKIN STANDS UP AND REACHES FOR HIS HAT.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Oh, well… as you like… h’m…
BEAT.
DR. RUTENSPITZ (cont.): For my part, you know… whatever I can do… and I sincerely wish you well.
GOLYADKIN: I understand you, Dr. Rutenspitz, I understand: I understand you perfectly now… In any case, excuse me for having troubled you, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m, no, I didn’t mean that. However, as you please; go on taking the medicines as before…
GOLYADKIN: I will go with the medicines as you say, Dr. Rutenspitz. I will go on with them, and I will get them at the same pharmacy… To be a pharmacist nowadays, Dr. Rutenspitz, is an important business….
DR. RUTENSPITZ: How so? In what sense do you mean?
GOLYADKIN: In a very ordinary sense, Dr. Rutenspitz. I mean to say that nowadays that’s the way of the world…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m…
GOLYADKIN: And that every silly youngster, not only a pharmacist’s boy, turns up his nose at respectable people.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m. How do you understand that?
GOLYADKIN: I’m speaking of a certain person, Dr. Rutenspitz… of a common acquaintance of ours, Dr. Rutenspitz, of Vladimir Semyonovich…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah!
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz: and I know certain people, Dr. Rutenspitz, who didn’t keep to the general rule of telling the truth, sometimes.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah! How so?
GOLYADKIN: Why, yes, it is so—but that’s neither here nor there: they sometimes manage to serve you up a fine egg in gravy.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: What? Serve up what?
GOLYADKIN: An egg in gravy, Dr. Rutenspitz. It’s a Russian saying. They know how to congratulate someone in the right moment, for instance; there are people like that.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Congratulate?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, congratulate, Dr. Rutenspitz, as someone I know intimately did the other day!
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Someone you know intimately, eh?… How was that?
DR. RUTENSPITZ LOOKS AT GOLYADKIN ATTENTIVELY.
GOLYADKIN: Yes, someone I know very well indeed congratulated someone else I know very well—and, what’s more, a comrade, a friend of his heart, on his promotion, on his receiving the rank of assessor. This was how it happened to come up: ‘I am exceedingly glad of the opportunity to offer you, Vladimir Semyonovich, my congratulations, my sincere congratulations, on your receiving the rank of assessor. And I’m the more pleased considering nowadays, as everyone knows, witches have gone extinct.'
GOLYADKIN NODS SLYLY AND LOOKS AT DR. RUTENSPITZ.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m. So he said that….
GOLYADKIN: He did, Dr. Rutenspitz, he said it and glanced at once at Andrey Filippovich, the uncle of our Prince Charming, Vladimir Semyonovitch. But what is it to me, Dr. Rutenspitz, that he has been made an assessor? What is it to me? And he wants to get married and the milk is hardly dry on his lips, if I may use the expression. And that's basically what I told him. ‘Vladimir Semyonovich,’ I said! I said all I had to say; 'Allow me to withdraw,' I said.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m…
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, allow me now, I say, to withdraw. But, to kill two birds with one stone, as I had already zinged the young man with the line about the witches, I turned to Klara Olsufyevna (this all happened the day before yesterday at Olsufy Ivanovich’s), and she had only just sung some romantic ballad, and I said, as it were, ‘You have sung your romance with much feeling, madam, only they are not listening to you with pure hearts.’ And by that I hinted plainly, Dr. Rutenspitz, hinted plainly, that they were not after her now, but looking higher…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah! And what did he say?
GOLYADKIN: He swallowed the pill, Dr. Rutenspitz, as the saying goes.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m…
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz. To the old man himself, too, I basically said, ‘Olsufy Ivanovitch,’ I said, ‘I know how much I’m indebted to you, I fully value all the kindness you’ve showered upon me since my childhood. But open your eyes, Olsufy Ivanovitch.' I was like, ‘Look around. I myself do things openly and aboveboard, Olsufy Ivanovitch.'
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Oh, really!
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz. Really…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: And what did he say?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, what, indeed, Dr. Rutenspitz? He mumbled one thing and another, and ‘I know you,’ and that ‘his Excellency was a benevolent man’—he rambled on… But, there, you know! He’s begun to be a bit shaky, as they say, with old age.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah! So that’s how it is now…
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz. And that’s how we all are! Poor old man! He looks towards the grave, breathes incense, as they say, while they concoct a piece of womanish gossip and he listens to it; without him they wouldn’t…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Gossip, you say?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, they’ve concocted a womanish scandal. Our bear, too, had a finger in it, and his nephew, our Prince Charming. They’ve joined hands with the old women and, of course, they’ve concocted the affair. Would you believe it? They plotted to kill someone!...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Kill someone?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, to kill someone, to kill him morally. They spread around… I’m speaking of a man I know very well.
DR. RUTENSPITZ NODS.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): They spread rumors about him… I confess I’m ashamed to repeat them, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m…
GOLYADKIN: They spread a rumor that he had signed a promise to marry though he was already engaged to someone else… and would you believe it, Dr. Rutenspitz, to whom?
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Hm?
GOLYADKIN: To a cook, a disreputable German whoman from whom he used to get his dinners; instead of paying what he owed, he offered her his hand.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Is that what they say?
GOLYADKIN: Would you believe it, Dr. Rutenspitz? A low German, a nasty shameless German, Dr. Rutenspitz, if you know…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: I confess, for my part…
GOLYADKIN: I understand you, Dr. Rutenspitz, I understand, and for my part I feel it…
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Tell me, please, where are you living now?
GOLYADKIN: Where I am living now, Dr. Rutenspitz?
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Yes… I want… I believe you used to live…
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, I did, I used to live. How could I not live?
GOLYADKIN LAUGHS SHORTLY.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: No, you misunderstood me; I meant to say…
GOLYADKIN: I, too, meant to say, Dr. Rutenspitz, I too meant to say. (laughs) But I’ve kept you far too long, Dr. Rutenspitz. I hope you will allow me now, to wish you good morning.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m…
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, I understand you; I fully understand you now. (poses theatrically) And so permit me to wish you good morning.
GOLYADKIN BOWS AND SCRAPES HIS BOOT ON THE FLOOR. HE EXITS, GOES DOWN THE STAIRS, SMILING, AND GOES OUTSIDE. HIS CAR APPROACHES. PETRUSHKA OPENS THE CAR DOOR. HE LOOKS UP TO THE DOCTOR’S WINDOW. DR. RUTENSPITZ IS LOOKING DOWN AT HIM, STROKING HIS WHISKERS.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: That doctor is stupid. Extremely stupid. He may treat his patients well, but still… he’s as stupid as a post.
HE SITS IN THE CAR.
PETRUSHKA: Off!
THE CAR MOVES TOWARD NEVSKY PROSPECT.
then?