"THE DOUBLE" is a short story by Fyodor Dostoevsky. The story, as translated by Constance Garnett, has been adapted for the stage.
GOLYADKIN WAKES UP.
who knows this one? GOLYADKIN: (whispering) What a thing it would be if I were not up to the mark today, if something were amiss, if some intrusive pimple had made its appearance, or anything else unpleasant had happened; so far, however, there’s nothing wrong, so far everything’s all right.
GOLYADKIN COUNTS HIS MONEY SLOWLY.
GOLYADKIN: (half-whispering) Seven hundred and fifty roubles in notes. Seven hundred and fifty roubles. A noteworthy sum! It’s an agreeable sum.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: It’s a very agreeable sum! A sum agreeable to anyone! I’d like to see the man who’d call it a trivial sum! It’s impossible to say what a man couldn’t do with a sum like that... But wait. What’s the meaning of this? Where’s Petrushka?
THE TEA KETTLE IS NEARLY BOILING OVER.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): Damn guy. That lazy brute might really drive a man out of all patience; where’s he dawdling now?
GOLYADKIN GOES INTO THE HALL AND SEES PETRUSHKA SURROUNDED BY LACKEYS. THEY ARE TALKING NOISILY.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): That beast would sell a man for a nickel, and his boss before anyone. He has sold me. He certainly has. I bet he’s sold me for a penny.
GOLYADKIN CLEARS HIS THROAT LOUDLY. PETRUSHKA FINALLY NOTICES GOLYADKIN. THE LACKEYS QUIET DOWN.
GOLYADKIN: Well?
PETRUSHKA: They delivered the uniform, sir.
GOLYADKIN: Put it on, and come here.
PETRUSHKA LEAVES, ANNOYED, THEN COMES BACK WEARING A RIDICULOUS UNIFORM, BAREFOOT. GOLYADKIN INSPECTS PETRUSHKA.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Well, and what about the carriage?
PETRUSHKA: The carriage is here too.
GOLYADKIN: For the whole day?
PETRUSHKA: For the whole day. Twenty-five roubles.
GOLYADKIN: And have the boots been sent?
PETRUSHKA: Yes.
GOLYADKIN: Dolt! Can’t even say, ‘yes, sir.’ Bring them here.
PETRUSHKA BRINGS GOLYADKIN THE BOOTS. GOLYADKIN PUTS THEM ON. PETRUSHKA PUTS ON HIS OWN BOOTS. THEY STEP OUTSIDE AND INTO A CARRIAGE. PETRUSHKA DRIVES.
PETRUSHKA: Off!
THE CARRIAGE MOVES TOWARD NEVSKY PROSPECT. TWO OF GOLYADKIN’S COLLEAGUES SEE HIM AND POINT HIM OUT TO EACH OTHER.
COLLEAGUE 1: Golyadkin!
GOLYADKIN SINKS INTO THE CARRIAGE, HIDING.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Stupid kids! Why, what’s strange about this——a man in a carriage? A man needs to be in a carriage, so he hires a carriage. They’re simply noodles! I know them——simply stupid kids, who still need a beating! They want to be paid a salary for flipping pennies and dawdling around, that’s all they’re good for. I’d let them all know, if only...
GOLYADKIN RISES AND STICKS HIS HEAD OUT OF THE CARRIAGE, PREPARING TO TELL OFF HIS COLLEAGUES. HE SEES ANDREY FLIPPOVICH, HIS BOSS. HE RECOILS BACK INSIDE.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): Bow or not? Say something or not? Recognize him or not?
GOLYADKIN: Or pretend that I am not myself, but somebody else strikingly like me, and look like nothing’s wrong. Not with me, not me——and that’s all.
HE TIPS HIS HAT TO ANDREY FLIPPOVICH.
GOLYADKIN: (whispering) I’m... I’m all right. I’m... quite all right. It’s not me, it’s not me——and that is the fact of the matter.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: I was a fool not to say something. I should’ve been bolder and acted with gentlemanly openness. I should’ve said ‘This is how it is, Andrey Filippovich, I’m invited to the dinner, too,’ and that’s all!
BEAT.
GOLYADKIN: (to DRIVER) Bring me to Dr. Rutenspitz.
THEY DRIVE TO THE DOCTOR'S HOUSE. GOLYADKIN GETS OUT OF THE CARRIAGE AND WALKS UP TO THE DOOR. HE HESITATES.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Will it be all right, though? Will it be all right? Will it be proper? Will it be appropriate?
HE WALKS UP THE STAIRS.
nothing reprehensible GOLYADKIN: After all, though, after all, it’s on my own business, and there’s nothing reprehensible in it... It would be stupid to keep out of sight. Why, of course, I’ll act like I’m quite all right, and I just happened to have looked in as I passed... He will see that it’s all just as it should be.
GOLYADKIN STANDS OUTSIDE THE DOCTOR’S DOOR. HE DECIDES TO LEAVE, THEN HEARS FOOTSTEPS FROM DOWNSTAIRS, THEN RINGS THE DOORBELL.
GOLYADKIN WALKS INTO THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE.
GOLYADKIN: (muttering) Sorry.
HE SITS DOWN IN A CHAIR. HE IMMEDIATELY STANDS BACK UP.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Sorry.
HE SITS BACK DOWN. THE DOCTOR CLEARS HIS THROAT. THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Dr. Rutenspitz, I have come to trouble you a second time, and now I venture to ask your indulgence a second time...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: (smoking) H-m... Yes! But you must follow the treatment prescribed to you; I explained to you that what would be beneficial to your health is a change of habits... Entertainment, for instance, and, well, friends——you should visit your friends and acquaintances, and don't be afraid of a drink. And keep cheerful company.
GOLYADKIN: I think I’m like everyone else. I live by myself, I have entertainments like everyone else... Of course, I might go to the theatre, for I have the means like everyone else. I spend the day at the office and the evenings at home. I’m quite all right. I am, so far as I can see, as good as anyone. I live at home——and I have Petrushka.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m! No, that is not the order of proceeding that I want; and that is not at all what I would ask you. I am interested to know, in general, are you a great lover of cheerful company? Do you take advantages of festive occasions? And, well, do you lead a melancholy or cheerful manner of life?
GOLYADKIN: Dr. Rutenspitz, I...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: (interrupting) H’m! . . . I tell you that you must have a radical change of life, must, in a certain sense, break in your character. (beat) Must not shy away from merrymaking, must visit entertainments and clubs, and in any case, don't be afraid of a drink. Sitting at home is not right for you . . . sitting at home is impossible for you.
GOLYADKIN: I like quiet, Dr. Rutenspitz. In my flat there’s only me and Petrushka... I mean my man, Dr. Rutenspitz. I mean to say, Dr. Rutenspitz, that I go my own way, my own way, Dr. Rutenspitz. I keep myself to myself, and so far as I can see am not dependent on anyone. I go out for walks, too, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: What? Yes! Well, nowadays there’s nothing fun about walking: the weather is terrible.
GOLYADKIN: Quite so, Dr. Rutenspitz. Though I’m a peaceable man, Dr. Rutenspitz, as I’ve had the honor of explaining to you already, yet my way lies apart, Dr. Rutenspitz. The ways of life are widely varied... I mean... I mean to say, Dr. Rutenspitz... Excuse me, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’ve no great gift for eloquent speaking.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m... you say...
GOLYADKIN: I say, you must excuse me, Dr. Rutenspitz, that as far as I can see I am no expert at eloquence in speaking. In that respect, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’m not quite like other people. I can’t talk much, and have never learned to embellish my speech with literary graces. On the other hand, I act, Dr. Rutenspitz. On the other hand, I act, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m... How’s that... you act?
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
GOLYADKIN: Dr. Rutenspitz, I like tranquility, and not the noisy merrymaking of the world. Among them, I mean, in the noisy world, Dr. Rutenspitz, one must be able to polish the floor with one’s boots.
GOLYADKIN SCRAPES THE FLOOR WITH HIS TOE.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): They expect it, and they expect puns, too... One must know how to make a perfumed compliment... that’s what they expect there. And I’ve not learned to do it, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’ve never learned all those tricks, I’ve never had the time. I’m a simple person, and not ingenious, and I’ve no external polish. On that side I surrender, Dr. Rutenspitz, I lay down my arms, so to speak.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: (in a low voice) You have, I think, departed a little from the subject. I confess I cannot altogether understand you.
GOLYADKIN: (sharply) I’m no expert in eloquent speaking, Dr. Rutenspitz; I’ve had the honor to inform you, Dr. Rutenspitz, already.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m!...
GOLYADKIN: Dr. Rutenspitz! Dr. Rutenspitz, when I came in here I began with apologies. I repeat the same thing again, and again ask for your indulgence. There’s no need for me to conceal it, Dr. Rutenspitz. I’m an unimportant man, as you know; but fortunately for me, I do not regret being an unimportant man. Quite the contrary, indeed, Dr. Rutenspitz, and, to be perfectly frank, I’m proud that I’m not a great man but an unimportant man. I’m not one to intrigue and I’m proud of that too, I don’t act on the sly, but openly, without cunning, and although I could do harm too, and a great deal of harm, indeed, and know to whom and how to do it, Dr. Rutenspitz, yet I won’t sully myself, and in that sense I wash my hands. In that sense, I say, I wash them, Dr. Rutenspitz!
SILENCE.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): I set to work, Dr. Rutenspitz, directly, openly, by no devious ways, for I disdain them, and leave them to others. I do not try to degrade those who are perhaps purer than you and me... that is, I mean, they and me, Dr. Rutenspitz——I didn’t mean you. I don’t like insinuations; I’ve no taste for contemptible duplicity; I’m disgusted by slander and lies. I only put on a mask at costume parties, and don’t wear one in front of people every day. I only ask you, Dr. Rutenspitz, how you would take revenge on your enemy, your most malignant enemy——the one you would consider such?
DR. RUTENSPITZ MUTTERS SOMETHING UNDER HIS BREATH AND PULLS UP A CHAIR TO THE TABLE.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: My time is precious. I do not quite understand. I am ready, however, to attend to you as far as I am able, but I will not go into anything further that does not concern me.
DR. RUTENSPITZ REACHES FOR A PRESCRIPTION PAPER.
DR. RUTENSPITZ (cont.): I will immediately prescribe what is necessary.
GOLYADKIN: No, it’s not necessary, Dr. Rutenspitz! No, that’s not necessary at all!
GOLYADKIN GRABS DR. RUTENSPITZ’S RIGHT HAND.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): That isn’t what’s wanted, Dr. Rutenspitz.
GOLYADKIN STARTS TREMBLING. GOLYADKIN AND DR. RUTENSPITZ ARE SILENT.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Come, calm down!
DR. RUTENSPITZ ATTEMPTS TO SEAT GOLYADKIN IN AN ARMCHAIR.
GOLYADKIN: (whispering) I have enemies, Dr. Rutenspitz, I have enemies; I have malignant enemies who have sworn to ruin me...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Come, come, why enemies? You mustn’t talk about enemies! You really mustn’t. Sit down, sit down.
LONG SILENCE.
GOLYADKIN: (offended) I’m grateful to you, Dr. Rutenspitz, I’m very grateful, and I’m very aware of all you’ve done for me now. To my dying day I shall never forget your kindness, Dr. Rutenspitz.
GOLYADKIN STANDS UP.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Come, give it up! I tell you, give it up!
DR. RUTENSPITZ FORCES GOLYADKIN BACK INTO THE CHAIR
DR. RUTENSPITZ (cont.): Well, what’s the matter? Tell me what is unpleasant, and what enemies are you talking about? What is wrong?
GOLYADKIN: No, Dr. Rutenspitz, we’d better leave that now. Let us put all that aside for the time.... Till another time, Dr. Rutenspitz, till a more convenient moment, when everything will be discovered and the mask falls off certain faces, and something comes to light. But, meanwhile, now, of course, after what has passed between us... you will agree yourself, Dr. Rutenspitz.... Allow me to wish you good morning, Dr. Rutenspitz.
GOLYADKIN STANDS UP AND REACHES FOR HIS HAT.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Oh, well... as you like... h’m...
BEAT.
DR. RUTENSPITZ (cont.): For my part, you know... whatever I can do... and I sincerely wish you well.
GOLYADKIN: I understand you, Dr. Rutenspitz, I understand: I understand you perfectly now... In any case, excuse me for having troubled you, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m, no, I didn’t mean that. However, as you please; go on taking the medicines as before...
GOLYADKIN: I will go with the medicines as you say, Dr. Rutenspitz. I will go on with them, and I will get them at the same pharmacy... To be a pharmacist nowadays, Dr. Rutenspitz, is an important business....
DR. RUTENSPITZ: How so? In what sense do you mean?
GOLYADKIN: In a very ordinary sense, Dr. Rutenspitz. I mean to say that nowadays that’s the way of the world...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m...
GOLYADKIN: And that every silly youngster, not only a pharmacist’s boy, turns up his nose at respectable people.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m. How do you understand that?
GOLYADKIN: I’m speaking of a certain person, Dr. Rutenspitz... of a common acquaintance of ours, Dr. Rutenspitz, of Vladimir Semyonovich...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah!
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz: and I know certain people, Dr. Rutenspitz, who didn’t keep to the general rule of telling the truth, sometimes.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah! How so?
GOLYADKIN: Why, yes, it is so——but that’s neither here nor there: they sometimes manage to serve you up a fine egg in gravy.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: What? Serve up what?
GOLYADKIN: An egg in gravy, Dr. Rutenspitz. It’s a Russian saying. They know how to congratulate someone in the right moment, for instance; there are people like that.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Congratulate?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, congratulate, Dr. Rutenspitz, as someone I know intimately did the other day!
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Someone you know intimately, eh?... How was that?
DR. RUTENSPITZ LOOKS AT GOLYADKIN ATTENTIVELY.
GOLYADKIN: Yes, someone I know very well indeed congratulated someone else I know very well——and, what’s more, a comrade, a friend of his heart, on his promotion, on his receiving the rank of assessor. This was how it happened to come up: ‘I am exceedingly glad of the opportunity to offer you, Vladimir Semyonovich, my congratulations, my sincere congratulations, on your receiving the rank of assessor. And I’m the more pleased considering nowadays, as everyone knows, witches have gone extinct.'
GOLYADKIN NODS SLYLY AND LOOKS AT DR. RUTENSPITZ.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m. So he said that....
GOLYADKIN: He did, Dr. Rutenspitz, he said it and glanced at once at Andrey Filippovich, the uncle of our Prince Charming, Vladimir Semyonovitch. But what is it to me, Dr. Rutenspitz, that he has been made an assessor? What is it to me? And he wants to get married and the milk is hardly dry on his lips, if I may use the expression. And that's basically what I told him. ‘Vladimir Semyonovich,’ I said! I said all I had to say; 'Allow me to withdraw,' I said.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m...
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, allow me now, I say, to withdraw. But, to kill two birds with one stone, as I had already zinged the young man with the line about the witches, I turned to Klara Olsufyevna (this all happened the day before yesterday at Olsufy Ivanovich’s), and she had only just sung some romantic ballad, and I said, as it were, ‘You have sung your romance with much feeling, madam, only they are not listening to you with pure hearts.’ And by that I hinted plainly, Dr. Rutenspitz, hinted plainly, that they were not after her now, but looking higher...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah! And what did he say?
GOLYADKIN: He swallowed the pill, Dr. Rutenspitz, as the saying goes.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m...
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz. To the old man himself, too, I basically said, ‘Olsufy Ivanovitch,’ I said, ‘I know how much I’m indebted to you, I fully value all the kindness you’ve showered upon me since my childhood. But open your eyes, Olsufy Ivanovitch.' I was like, ‘Look around. I myself do things openly and aboveboard, Olsufy Ivanovitch.'
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Oh, really!
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz. Really...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: And what did he say?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, what, indeed, Dr. Rutenspitz? He mumbled one thing and another, and ‘I know you,’ and that ‘his Excellency was a benevolent man’——he rambled on... But, there, you know! He’s begun to be a bit shaky, as they say, with old age.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Ah! So that’s how it is now...
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz. And that’s how we all are! Poor old man! He looks towards the grave, breathes incense, as they say, while they concoct a piece of womanish gossip and he listens to it; without him they wouldn’t...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Gossip, you say?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, they’ve concocted a womanish scandal. Our bear, too, had a finger in it, and his nephew, our Prince Charming. They’ve joined hands with the old women and, of course, they’ve concocted the affair. Would you believe it? They plotted to kill someone!...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Kill someone?
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, to kill someone, to kill him morally. They spread around... I’m speaking of a man I know very well.
DR. RUTENSPITZ NODS.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): They spread rumors about him... I confess I’m ashamed to repeat them, Dr. Rutenspitz.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m...
GOLYADKIN: They spread a rumor that he had signed a promise to marry though he was already engaged to someone else... and would you believe it, Dr. Rutenspitz, to whom?
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Hm?
GOLYADKIN: To a cook, a disreputable German whoman from whom he used to get his dinners; instead of paying what he owed, he offered her his hand.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Is that what they say?
GOLYADKIN: Would you believe it, Dr. Rutenspitz? A low German, a nasty shameless German, Dr. Rutenspitz, if you know...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: I confess, for my part...
GOLYADKIN: I understand you, Dr. Rutenspitz, I understand, and for my part I feel it...
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Tell me, please, where are you living now?
GOLYADKIN: Where I am living now, Dr. Rutenspitz?
DR. RUTENSPITZ: Yes... I want... I believe you used to live...
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, I did, I used to live. How could I not live?
GOLYADKIN LAUGHS SHORTLY.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: No, you misunderstood me; I meant to say...
GOLYADKIN: I, too, meant to say, Dr. Rutenspitz, I too meant to say. (laughs) But I’ve kept you far too long, Dr. Rutenspitz. I hope you will allow me now, to wish you good morning.
DR. RUTENSPITZ: H-m...
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Dr. Rutenspitz, I understand you; I fully understand you now. (poses theatrically) And so permit me to wish you good morning.
GOLYADKIN BOWS AND SCRAPES HIS BOOT ON THE FLOOR. HE EXITS, GOES DOWN THE STAIRS, SMILING, AND GOES OUTSIDE. HIS CARRIAGE APPROACHES. PETRUSHKA OPENS THE CARRIAGE DOOR. HE LOOKS UP TO THE DOCTOR’S WINDOW. DR. RUTENSPITZ IS LOOKING DOWN AT HIM, STROKING HIS WHISKERS.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: That doctor is stupid. Extremely stupid. He may treat his patients well, but still... he’s as stupid as a post.
HE SITS IN THE CARRIAGE.
PETRUSHKA: Off!
THE CARRIAGE MOVES TOWARD NEVSKY PROSPECT.
GOLYADKIN IS IN A STORE. HE SEES HIS COLLEAGUES, THE SAME ONES FROM BEFORE.
COLLEAGUE 1 & 2: Yakov Petrovich, Yakov Petrovich! You here? What brings you?...GOLYADKIN: Ah, it is you, gentlemen. You’ve deserted, gentlemen, he-he-he...
GOLYADKIN SLAPS COLLEAGUE 1 ON THE SHOULDER A LITTLE TOO HARD.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Well, and our bear, is he still at the office?
COLLEAGUE 2: Who’s that, Yakov Petrovich?
GOLYADKIN: Why, the bear. Do you mean to say you don’t know whose name that is? (laughs) I mean Andrey Flippovich, gentlemen.
HIS COLLEAGUES WINK AT EACH OTHER.
COLLEAGUE 1: He’s still at the office and asking for you, Yakov Petrovich.
GOLYADKIN: At the office, eh! In that case, let him stay, gentlemen. And asking for me, eh?
COLLEAGUE 2: He was asking for you, Yakov Petrovich; but what’s up with you, scented, pomaded, and such a swell?...
GOLYADKIN: Nothiing, gentlemen, nothing! That’s enough.
GOLYADKIN LOOKS AWAY, SMILING. HIS COLLEAGUES LAUGH.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): I’ll tell you as friends, gentlemen. You all know me, gentlemen, but before now you’ve only known one side of me. No one is to blame for that, and I know that it's partly my fault. Before now, gentlemen, you haven't known me. To explain myself here and now wouldn't be appropriate. I'll only touch on it lightly in passing. There are people, gentlemen, who dislike roundabout ways and only wear masks at costume parties. There are people who don't think polishing the floor with their boots should be man's purpose. There are people, gentlemen, who refuse to say that they are happy and enjoying a full life when, for instance, their pants fit properly. There are people, finally, who dislike dashing and whirling around pointlessly, fawning, and licking the dust, and above all, gentlemen, poking their noses where they are not wanted... I’ve told you almost everything, gentlemen; now allow me to withdraw...
HIS COLLEAGUES LAUGH HARDER.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Laugh away, gentlemen, laugh away for the time being! If you live long enough you will see.
GOLYADKIN TAKES HIS HAT AND TURNS TO LEAVE.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): But I will say more, gentlemen. I will say more——you are both here with me face to face. This, gentlemen, is my rule: if I fail, I don’t lose heart. If I succeed, I persevere. In any case, I am never underhanded. I’m not one to intrigue——and I’m proud of it. I’ve never prided myself on diplomacy. They say, too, gentlemen, that the bird flies itself to the hunter. It’s true, and I’m ready to admit it; but who’s the hunter, and who’s the bird in this case? That is still the question, gentlemen!
GOLYADKIN BOWS TO HIS COLLEAGUES AND EXITS.
PETRUSHKA: What are your orders now? What are your orders?
GOLYADKIN: To Ismailovsky Bridge.
PETRUSHKA: To Ismailovsky Bridge! Off!
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Their dinner will not begin till after four, or perhaps five o’clock. Isn’t it early now? However, I can go a little early; besides, it’s only a family dinner. And so I can go sans facons, as they say among well-bred people. Why shouldn’t I go sans facons? The bear told us, too, that it would all be sans facons, and so I will be the same...
GOLYADKIN POINTS TO A HOUSE BY THE BRIDGE.
GOLYADKIN: (to DRIVER) Stop there.
GOLYADKIN SEES A WOMAN IN THE SECOND STORY WINDOW AND BLOWS HER A KISS. HE GETS OUT OF THE CAR AND WALKS INSIDE.
GOLYADKIN: (to DOORMAN) Olsufy Ivanovich?
DOORMAN: At home, sir; at least he’s not at home, his honor’s not at home.
GOLYADKIN: What? What do you mean, my good man? I-I’ve come to dinner, brother. Why, you know me?
DOORMAN: To be sure I know you! I’ve orders not to admit you.
GOLYADKIN: You... you, brother... you must be making a mistake. It’s me, my boy, I’m invited; I’ve come to dinner.
GOLYADKIN TAKES OFF HIS COAT.
DOORMAN: Please, sir, you can’t, sir. I have orders not to let you in. I have orders to refuse you. That’s how it is.
ENTER GERASIMICH, OLSUFY IVANOVICH’S OLD BUTLER.
DOORMAN (cont.): You see the gentleman wants to go in, Emelyan Gerasimich, and I...
GERASIMICH: And you’re a fool, Alexeitch. Go inside and send the rascal Semyonovich here. (to Golyadkin) It’s impossible. It’s quite impossible. His honor begs you to excuse him; he can’t see you.
GOLYADKIN: He said he couldn’t see me? Excuse me, Gerasimich, why is it impossible?
GERASIMICH: It’s quite impossible. I’ve informed your honor; they said ‘Ask him to excuse us.’ They can’t see you.
GOLYADKIN: Why not? How’s that? Why.
GERASIMICH: Please, please!...
GOLYADKIN: How is it though? It’s out of the question! Announce me... How is it? I’ve come to dinner...
GERASIMICH: Excuse me, excuse me...
GOLYADKIN: Ah, well, that’s a different matter, they asked to be excused. But please, Gerasimich; why, Gerasimich?
GERASIMICH: Excuse me, excuse me!
ENTER ANDREY FLIPPOVICH AND VLADIMIR SEMYONOVICH. THEY LOOK AT GOLYADKIN IN AMAZEMENT. GERASIMICH PUSHES GOLYADKIN OUT OF THE WAY. GOLYADKIN STARTS TO LEAVE.
GOLYADKIN: I will come afterwards, Gerasimich; I will explain myself: I hope that all this will without delay be explained in due season...
ANDREY: Yakov Petrovich, Yakov Petrovich...
GOLYADKIN: What do you want, Andrey Flippovich?
ANDREY: What’s wrong with you, Yakov Petrovich? In what way?
GOLYADKIN: No matter, Andrey Flippovich. I’m on my own account here. This is my private life, Andrey Flippovich.
ANDREY: What’s that?
GOLYADKIN: I say, Andrey Flippovich, that this is my private life, and as for my being here, as far as I can see, there’s nothing reprehensible to be found in it as regards my official relations.
ANDREY: What! As regards your official... What’s the matter with you, my good sir?
GOLYADKIN: Nothing, Andrey Flippovich, absolutely nothing; a disrespectful slut of a girl, and nothing more...
ANDREY: What! What?
GOLYADKIN SUDDENLY RUNS UP THE STAIRS AND HIDES HIMSELF AWAY. ANDREY FLIPPOVICH GOES BACK INTO THE PARTY AND SLAMS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. GOLYADKIN COLLECTS HIMSELF PARTIALLY, PULLS UP HIS COLLAR AND GOES DOWNSTAIRS, OUT TO THE CARRIAGE.
GOLYADKIN: (to PETRUSHKA) What are you laughing at, blockhead?
PETRUSHKA: What should I laugh at? I’m not doing anything; where are we to drive now?
GOLYADKIN: Go home, drive on....
PETRUSHKA: Home, off!
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: What a crow’s croak!
GOLYADKIN: (to DRIVER) Turn back at once!
THE DRIVER TURNS THE CARRIAGE AROUND AND GOES BACK TOWARD OLSUFY IVANOVICH’S YARD.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Don’t, don’t, you fool, back!
THE DRIVER GOES BACK TO THE STREET. THEY PASS THE SEMYONOVSKY BRIDGE. GOLYADKIN SEES A MODEST-LOOKING RESTAURANT.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): (to DRIVER) Stop there.
GOLYADKIN GETS OUT OF THE CARRIAGE AND PAYS THE DRIVER FOR THE DAY.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): (to PETRUSHKA) Go home and await my return.
GOLYADKIN GOES IN THE RESTAURANT AND ORDERS DINNER ALONE.
A VERY FANCY—EXTRAORDINARILY FANCY—PARTY IS UNDER WAY. EVERYONE IS THERE. GOLYADKIN IS HUDDLED IN A DARK CORNER. GOLYADKIN: I’m all right, though. I can take care of myself.
GOLYADKIN SITS IN SILENCE.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Why shouldn’t I just go in? Didn’t everyone else? I don’t dare... not because there’s anything I don’t dare, but just because I don’t care to, because I prefer to be in hiding.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Why not wait? Villèle himself had waited. But what does Villèle have to do with it?
GOLYADKIN: How does Villèle come in? But how am I to... to go and walk in? Ech, you dummy! You silly fool, you silly old Golyadkin—silly fool of a surname!
GOLYADKIN WALKS TOWARD THE DOOR OF THE PARTY.
GOLYADKIN: Should I go in or not? Come on, should I or not? I’ll go in... why not? All ways lie open to the bold!
GOLYADKIN STARTS TOWARD THE DOOR, THEN SUDDENLY RETREATS INTO THE DARK CORNER AS MORE PARTYGOERS ARRIVE.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: No. Ah, now, somebody’s coming in? Yes, they’ve come in; why did I dawdle when there were no people around? Even so, shall I go and slip in?... No, how to slip in when a man has such a temperament! Gah, what an abyss of lowness! I’m a chicken! Fearfulness—that's our specialty, for sure! To be abject on every occasion is our line: no need to ask us about that. Just stand here like a post and that’s all! I'd be drinking a cup of tea at home right now... It would be nice, too, to have a cup of tea. If I come home late, Petrushka will complain, maybe. Shall I go home? Damnation take all this! I’ll go and that’ll be the end of it!
GOLYADKIN TAKES OFF HIS COAT AND HAT AND THROWS THEM INTO THE CORNER. HE WALKS STRAIGHT INTO THE LIVING ROOM. NO ONE IS DANCING.
GOLYADKIN: If I fail, I don’t lose heart. If I succeed, I persevere. Here goes!
GOLYADKIN MILLS ABOUT THE PARTY, OFFERING CONGRATULATIONS AND WELL WISHES TO EVERYONE. THEY DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, OR MAYBE THEY'RE LAUGHING. GOLYADKIN SEES ANDREY FLIPPOVICH AND LOOKS AT HIM IMPLORINGLY. ANDREY LOOKS AT GOLYADKIN.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): (barely audible) This is rather concerned with my domestic circumstances and my private life, Andrey Flippovich. It is not an official incident, Andrey Flippovich...
ANDREY: (half-whispering) For shame, sir, for shame!
GOLYADKIN: (whispering) I’ve nothing to be ashamed of, Andrey Flippovich.
GOLYADKIN LOOKS AT THE CROWD OF PEOPLE.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): (whispering) Why, it’s all right, it’s nothing, gentlemen! Why, what’s the matter? Why, it might happen to anyone.
GOLYADKIN TRIES TO LEAVE. EVERYONE IS STARING AT HIM. HE STANDS IN A CORNER AND LEANS ON THE BACKS OF TWO CHAIRS, TRYING TO LOOK CONFIDENT. A TALL, HANDSOME OFFICER STANDS NEXT TO HIM.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): These chairs, lieutenant, are intended, one for Klara Olsufyevna, and the other for Princess Tchevtchehanov; I’m taking care of them for them.
THE MAN TURNS AWAY. GOLYADKIN LOOKS AT THE OTHER PARTY-GOERS.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: That gentleman has a wig on, and if he takes off that wig he will be bald, his head will be as bare as the palm of my hand.
HE LOOKS UP.
GOLYADKIN'S THOUGHTS (cont.): What if that chandelier were to come down from the ceiling and fall on the company? I’d rush in immediately to save Klara Olsufyevna. ‘Save her!’ I’d say. ‘Don’t be alarmed, madam, it’s nothing, I’ll rescue you, me.’ Then...
GOLYADKIN SUDDENLY NOTICES GERASIMICH WALKING STRAIGHT TOWARD HIM.
GOLYADKIN: Do you see, Gerasimich, you go and tell them—do you see the candle there in the chandelier, Gerasimich? It's going to fall. So, you know, you must tell them to see to it; it really will fall down, Gerasimich...
GERASIMICH: The candle? No, the candle’s standing straight; but somebody is asking for you, sir.
GOLYADKIN: Who is asking for me, Gerasimich?
GERASIMICH: I really can’t say, sir, who it is. A man with a message. ‘Is Yakov Petrovich Golyadkin here?’ he said. ‘Then call him out,’ he said, ‘on very urgent and important business...’ you see.
GOLYADKIN: No, Gerasimich, you are making a mistake; in that, you are making a mistake, Gerasimich.
GERASIMICH: I doubt it, sir.
GOLYADKIN: No, Gerasimich, it isn’t doubtful; there’s nothing doubtful about it, Gerasimich. Nobody’s asking for me, but I’m quite at home here—that is, in my right place, Gerasimich.
GOLYADKIN LOOKS AROUND. EVERYONE IS WATCHING HIM.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): No, my dear fellow, no one’s calling for me. You are mistaken. I will say more: you were mistaken this morning, too, when you assured me... dared to assure me, I say, (raising voice) that Olsufy Ivanovich, who has been my benefactor for as long as I can remember and has been like a father to me, was kicking me out at the moment of solemn family rejoicing for his paternal heart. I repeat, my friend, you were mistaken. You were cruelly and unpardonably mistaken.
GERASIMICH: I doubt it...
THE ORCHESTRA STRIKES UP A POLKA. EVERYONE STARTS DANCING. IN THE CHAOS, GOLYADKIN EXTENDS A HAND TO KLARA OLSUFYEVNA. SHE TAKES IT, AS IF INSTINCTIVELY. GOLYADKIN DANCES CLUMSILY. KLARA OLSUFYEVNA SHRIEKS, AND THE CROWD CARRIES GOLYADKIN AWAY FROM HER. THE ORCHESTRA GOES SILENT AND EVERYONE IS SHOUTING.
GOLYADKIN: (muttering) Why not? The polka, so far, at least, as I could see, is a new and very interesting dance, invented for the amusement of the ladies... but since things have now taken this turn, I’m ready to join.
GOLYADKIN TRIES TO DANCE, BUT THE CROWD CARRIES HIM TO THE EXIT. SOMEONE THRUSTS ON HIS COAT AND HAT, AND THEY PUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR.
CLOCK TOWERS STRIKE MIDNIGHT. GOLYADKIN STANDS BY ISMAILOVSKY BRIDGE, LEANING OVER A RAILING. HE LOOKS AROUND AS IF SOMEONE IS NEAR. GOLYADKIN: Am I imagining things?
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Where am I? ... Ech, ech.
GOLYADKIN: Well, it doesn't matter. Maybe it doesn't matter at all, and there’s no stain on anyone’s honor. Maybe it'll all be for the best in the end, and there will be nothing to complain about, and everyone will be justified.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Ach, what weather! Achoo! Is there going to be a flood? It seems like the water has risen so violently.
GOLYADKIN SEES SOMEONE WALKING TOWARD HIM, CLEARLY IN A RUSH.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): Maybe... after all, who knows. He's late for something. Maybe it's just that. Maybe he's just late, and that's the main thing, and he isn’t here for nothing, but has some reason to be here, crossing my path and provoking me.
THE STRANGER WALKS RIGHT PAST GOLYADKIN. GOLYADKIN TURNS AROUND TO WATCH THE STRANGER.
GOLYADKIN: (whispering) What—what is it?
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Why, what’s the meaning of it? Why, have I really gone out of my mind, or what?
GOLYADKIN STARTS FOLLOWING THE STRANGER.
GOLYADKIN: (to STRANGER) Stop!
THE STRANGER STOPS NEAR A LAMPPOST.
GOLYADKIN: Excuse me, possibly I’m mistaken.
ANNOYED, THE STRANGER RUSHES PAST GOLYADKIN. GOLYADKIN STANDS STUNNED FOR A MOMENT, THEN SPRINTS TOWARD NEVSKY PROSPECT.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): (whispering) Ech, that horrid little dog!
THE STRANGER WALKS INTO GOLYADKIN’S APARTMENT BUILDING. GOLYADKIN CHASES HIM INSIDE. THE STRANGER NAVIGATES THE MESSY HALLWAYS WITH EASE. GOLYADKIN FINALLY MAKES IT TO HIS BEDROOM AND FINDS THE STRANGER SITTING ON HIS BED. HE SMILES AT GOLYADKIN, REVEALING THAT HE IS ANOTHER GOLYADKIN, A DOUBLE IN EVERY RESPECT.
GOLYADKIN WAKES UP. GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: They're just trying to scare me, maybe, and when they see that I don’t care, that I make no protest, but keep perfectly quiet and put up with it meekly, they’ll give it up, they’ll give it up on their own, give it up of their own accord.
PETRUSHKA FIDDLES WITH THE TEA KETTLE.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): Why, goodness knows, goodness knows how that rascal sees the whole thing. He keeps on saying nothing, but he has his own ideas.
PETRUSHKA ENTERS GOLYADKIN’S ROOM, SEEMING GLUM. HE SETS A TRAY ON THE TABLE AND LEAVES WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING.
GOLYADKIN: He knows, he knows, he knows all about it, the scoundrel!
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: To go to the office or not? You can be sure that as soon as you go to the office, you'll run into some trouble! Isn’t it better to wait a bit now? Let them do what they like there; but I’d better stay here a bit today, recover my strength, get better, and think over the whole thing more thoroughly, then afterwards I could seize the right moment, fall upon them like snow from the sky, and get off scot-free myself.
GOLYADKIN SITS AROUND SMOKING A PIPE.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Why, it’s half past nine already. It’s late for me to make my appearance. Besides, I’m ill, of course I’m ill, I’m certainly ill; who denies it? What’s the matter with me? If someone comes to ask why I haven't come, let it be the executive clerk. (beat) What is the matter with me, really? My back aches, I have a cough, and a cold in my head; and, in fact, it’s out of the question for me to go out, utterly out of the question in this weather. I might get sick and, very likely, die; nowadays especially the death-rate is so high...
GOLYADKIN BEGINS TO SMOKE ANOTHER PIPE, THEN SUDDENLY JUMPS UP, FLINGS THE PIPE AWAY, QUICKLY WASHES AND SHAVES, DRESSES, AND RUNS TO THE OFFICE. HE SETTLES IN AT HIS DESK. THE DOUBLE ENTERS AND BOWS TO ANDREY FLIPPOVICH.
ANDREY: (to the DOUBLE) Take a seat here. Here, opposite Mr. Golyadkin, and we’ll soon give you something to do.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: What does it mean? Is it a dream? Is it reality or the continuation of what happened yesterday? And besides, how is this all being done? Who hired him? Who authorized this? Am I asleep, am I in a waking dream?
GOLYADKIN LOOKS AT ANTON ANTONOVICH.
ANTON: (sympathetically) How’s your health?
GOLYADKIN: I’m very well, thank God, Anton Antonovich. I am perfectly well, Anton Antonovich. I am all right now, Anton Antonovich.
ANTON: I thought you weren’t quite well, though that’s no surprise. No, indeed! Nowadays especially there’s so much illness going around. You know?...
GOLYADKIN: Yes, Anton Antonovich, I know there is a lot of illness... I did not mean that, Anton Antonovich. You see, Anton Antonovich, I don’t even know you, that is, I mean to say, how to approach this matter, Anton Antonovich...
GOLYADKIN’S EYES WELL UP WITH TEARS.
ANTON: How so? I really... you know... I must confess I don’t quite understand; you must... you must explain, you know, in what way you are in difficulties.
GOLYADKIN: Really, Anton Antonovich... I... here... there’s a clerk here, Anton Antonovich.
ANTON: Well! I still don’t understand.
GOLYADKIN: I mean to say, Anton Antonovich, there’s a new clerk here.
ANTON: Yes, there is; namesake of yours.
GOLYADKIN: What?!
ANTON: I say a namesake of yours; his name’s Golyadkin too. Isn’t he your brother?
GOLYADKIN: No, Anton Antonovich, I...
ANTON: H’m! You don’t say so! Why, I thought he must be related to you. You know, there’s a sort of family likeness. (beat) You know what I think you should do, Yakov Petrovich? Go see a doctor. You know, you look somehow quite unwell. Your eyes look peculiar... you know, there’s a peculiar expression in them.
GOLYADKIN: No, Anton Antonovich, I feel, of course... that is, I keep wanting to ask about this clerk.
ANTON: Well?
GOLYADKIN: That is, haven’t you noticed, Anton Antonovich, something peculiar about him, something very distinct?
ANTON: That is...?
GOLYADKIN: That is, I mean, Anton Antonovich, a striking likeness with somebody, for instance; with me, for instance? You spoke just now, you see, Anton Antonovich, of a family resemblance. You let the remark slip.... You know, there really are sometimes twins exactly alike, like two drops of water, so alike that they can’t be told apart. Well, that's what I mean.
ANTON: To be sure, yes, indeed! You’re right, there is a striking resemblance, and you are quite right in what you say. You really might be mistaken for one another. And, you know, Yakov Petrovich, it’s a positively marvelous resemblance, fantastic, in fact, as the saying goes; that is, just like you... Have you noticed, Yakov Petrovich? I wanted to ask you to explain it; yes, I must confess I didn’t take particular notice at first. It’s wonderful, it’s really wonderful! And, you know, you are not a native of these parts, are you, Yakov Petrovich?
GOLYADKIN: No.
ANTON: He is not from these parts, you know, either. Maybe he comes from the same part of the country as you do. Where, may I be so bold as to ask, did your mother live for the most part?
GOLYADKIN: You said... you say, Anton Antonovich, that he is not a native of these parts?
ANTON: No, he is not. And indeed, how strange it is! It may well arouse curiosity; and yet, you know, you might pass him by, brush against him, without noticing anything. But you shouldn’t be upset about it. It’s a thing that happens. Do you know, the same thing, I should tell you, happened to my aunt on my mother’s side; she saw her own double before her death...
GOLYADKIN: No, I—excuse me for interrupting you, Anton Antonovich—I wanted to find out, Anton Antonovich, how that clerk... that is, on what grounds is he here?
ANTON: In the place of Semyon Ivanovich, to fill the vacancy left by his death; the post was vacant, so he was hired. You know, I’m told poor Semyon Ivanovich left three children, all tiny tots. The widow fell at the feet of his Excellency. They do say she’s hiding something; she’s got a bit of money, but she’s hiding it.
GOLYADKIN: No, Anton Antonovich. I was still referring to that circumstance.
ANTON: You mean...? To be sure! But why are you so interested in that? I tell you not to upset yourself. All this is temporary to some extent. Why, after all, you know, you have nothing to do with it. So it has been ordained by God Almighty, it’s His will, and it is sinful to fret. His wisdom is apparent in it. And as far as I can tell, Yakov Petrovich, you are not to blame in any way. There are all sorts of strange things in the world! Mother Nature is generous with her gifts, and you are not called upon to answer for it, you won’t be responsible. Here, for instance, you have heard, I expect, of those—what’s their name?—oh, the Siamese twins who are joined together at the back, live and eat and sleep together. I’m told they get a lot of money.
GOLYADKIN: Allow me, Anton Antonovich...
ANTON: I understand, I understand! Yes! But what of it? It’s no matter, I tell you, as far as I can see there’s nothing for you to upset yourself about. After all, he’s a clerk—as a clerk, he seems to be a capable man. He says his name is Golyadkin, that he’s not a native of this district, and that he’s a titular councillor. He had a personal interview with his Excellency.
GOLYADKIN: And how did his Excellency...?
ANTON: It was all right; I’m told he gave a satisfactory account of himself, gave his reasons, said ‘It’s like this, your Excellency,’ and that he didn't have any money and was anxious to enter the service, and would be particularly flattered to be serving under his Excellency... all that was proper, you know; he expressed himself neatly. He must be a sensible man. But of course he came with a recommendation; he couldn’t have got in without that...
GOLYADKIN: Oh, from whom... that is, I mean, who has had a hand in this shameful business?
ANTON: Yes, a good recommendation, I’m told; his Excellency, I’m told, laughed with Andrey Flippovich.
GOLYADKIN: Laughed with Andrey Flippovich?
ANTON: Yes, he only just smiled and said that it was all right, and that he had nothing against it, so long as he did his duty...
GOLYADKIN: Well, and what more? You relieve me to some extent, Anton Antonovich; go on, I beg you.
ANTON: Excuse me, I have to tell you again... Well, then, come on, it’s nothing, it’s a very simple matter; you shouldn’t upset yourself, I tell you, and there’s nothing suspicious about it.
GOLYADKIN: No. I... that is, Anton Antonovich, I want to ask you, didn’t his Excellency say anything more... about me, for instance?
ANTON: Well! To be sure! No, nothing of the sort; you can set your mind quite at rest. You know it is, of course, a rather striking circumstance, and at first... why, here, I, for instance, I hardly noticed it. I really don’t know why I didn’t notice it till you mentioned it. But you can set your mind at ease entirely. He said nothing particular, absolutely nothing.
ANTON GETS UP FROM HIS CHAIR.
GOLYADKIN: So then, Anton Antonovich, I...
ANTON: Oh, you must excuse me. Here I’ve been gossiping about these trivial matters, and I have business that’s important and urgent. I must inquire about it.
ANDREY: (offstage) Anton Antonovich! His Excellency has been asking for you.
ANTON: This minute, I’m coming this instant, Andrey Flippovitch.
ANTON EXITS.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Then what is the meaning of it? Is there some sort of game going on? So that's the way the wind blows now... That’s just as well; so things have taken a much pleasanter turn. So our position is an ordinary thing. So it turns out to be all nonsense, it comes to nothing at all. No one has done antyhing really, and they are not budging, the rascals, they are sitting busy over their work; that’s splendid, splendid! I like the good-natured fellow, I’ve always liked him, and I’m always ready to respect him... though it must be said one doesn’t know what to think; this Anton Antonovich... I’m afraid to trust him; his hair’s grey, and he’s getting shaky. It’s an immense and glorious thing that his Excellency said nothing, and let it pass! It’s a good thing! I approve! Only why does Andrey Flippovich interfere with his grins? What’s he got to do with it? The old rogue. Always on my track, always, like a black cat, on the watch to run across a man’s path, always thwarting and annoying a man, always annoying and thwarting a man...
GOLYADKIN: (to himself) That’s your temperament.
GOLYADKIN TAPS HIMSELF ON HIS FOREHEAD.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): As soon as you gain anything you’re delighted! You’re a simple soul! No, you and I had better be patient, Yakov Petrovoich; let us wait and be patient!
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: No matter. It’s like a hundred tons has been lifted off my chest! Here is a circumstance, to be sure! The box has been opened by the lid. Krylov is right, a clever chap, a rogue, that Krylov, and a great fable-write! And as for him, let him work in the office, and good luck to him so long as he doesn’t meddle or interfere with anyone; let him work in the office—I consent and approve!
THE DAY GOES BY, AND THE OFFICE CLOSES. ANDREY FLIPPOVICH TAKES HIS HAT, AND EVERYONE FOLLOWS SUIT. GOLYADKIN DAWDLES UNTIL HE IS THE LAST TO LEAVE. HE FINALLY LEAVES AND WALKS ALONG NEVSKY PROSPECT.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: To be sure this is destiny, this unexpected turn of events. And the weather’s more cheerful, and the frost and the little sleds. And the frost suits the Russian, the Russian gets on capitally with the frost. I like the Russian. And the dear little snow, and the first few flakes in autumn; the sportsman would say, ‘It would be nice to go shooting hares in the first snow.’ Well, there, it doesn’t matter.
GOLYADKIN: Let’s wait for the day, though, and then we'll celebrate. And, after all, you know, what does it matter? Come on, let’s think it over, let’s look at it. Come on, let’s consider it, my young friend, let’s consider it. Why, a man’s exactly like you in the first place, absolutely the same. Well, what is there in that? If there is such a man, why should I weep over it? What is it to me? I stand aside, I whistle to myself, and that’s all! That’s what I laid myself open to, and that’s all about it! Let him work in the office! Well, it’s strange and marvelous, they say, that the Siamese twins... But why bring in Siamese twins? They are twins, of course, but even great men, you know, sometimes look like odd creatures. In fact, we know from history that the famous Suvorov used to crow like a cock... But there, he did all that with political motives; and he was a great general... but what are generals, after all? But I keep myself to myself, that’s all, and I don’t care about anyone else, and, secure in my innocence, I scorn my enemies. I am not one to intrigue, and I’m proud of it. Gentle, straightforward, neat and nice, meek and mild.
GOLYADKIN STARTS TREMBLING. HE LOOKS TO HIS RIGHT AND NOTICES THAT THE DOUBLE HAD BEEN WALKING NEXT TO HIM. THEY WALK IN SILENCE.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Sir, we are going different ways, I believe... I’m convinced of it, in fact. I’m convinced, indeed, that you understand what I mean.
DOUBLE: I could have wished... I could have wished... no doubt you will be magnanimous and pardon me... I don’t know to whom to address myself here... my circumstances... I trust you will pardon my intrusiveness. I thought, indeed, that, moved by compassion, you showed some interest in me this morning. On my side, I felt drawn to you from the first moment. I... If I might venture to hope that you would accord me an indulgent hearing, Yakov Petrovich...
GOLYADKIN: We—here, we—we... you’d better come home with me. Let’s cross to the other side of Nevsky Prospect. It will be more convenient for us there, and then by the little back street... we’d better go by the back street.
DOUBLE: (timidly) Very well, by all means, let’s go by the back street.
THEY WALK TOGETHER.GOLYADKIN AND THE DOUBLE WALK UPSTAIRS TO GOLYADKIN’S FLAT. GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Oh, I’m a sheep’s head. Where am I taking him? I’m thrusting my head into the noose. What will Petrushka think, seeing us together? What will the scoundrel dare to imagine now? He’s suspicious...
GOLYADKIN KNOCKS ON THE DOOR. PETRUSHKA OPENS IT AND TAKES THE DOUBLE’S COAT, THEN GOLYADKIN’S. PETRUSHKA ACTS AS THOUGH HE’D BEEN EXPECTING THIS.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): Has somebody bewitched them all today? Some devil must have got round them. There certainly must be something peculiar in the whole lot of them today. Damn it all, what a worry it is!
GOLYADKIN LEADS THE DOUBLE TO HIS ROOM.
GOLYADKIN: (to the DOUBLE) Please, sit.
THE DOUBLE, SEEMINGLY EMBARRASSED AND TERRIFIED, WATCHES GOLYADKIN’S EVERY MOVE. GOLYADKIN SETS DOWN HIS HAT, AND IT FALLS TO THE FLOOR. THE DOUBLE RUSHES TO PICK IT UP. PETRUSHKA ENTERS AND AVOIDS LOOKING AT GOLYADKIN OR THE DOUBLE.
PETRUSHKA: Shall I bring in dinner for two?
GOLYADKIN: I—I don’t know... you... yes, bring dinner for two, my boy.
PETRUSHKA EXITS. GOLYADKIN LOOKS AT THE DOUBLE.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: The fellow’s having a hard time. Yes, and in his situation only one day. Most likely he’s suffered in his time. Maybe his good clothes are all that he has, and nothing to get him a dinner. Ah, poor fellow, how crushed he seems! But it's okay; in a way this is better...
GOLYADKIN: Excuse me. Allow me to ask what I may call you.
DOUBLE: (almost whispering) I... I... I’m Yakov Petrovich.
GOLYADKIN: Yakov Petrovich!
DOUBLE: Yes, exactly.... The same name as yours.
THE DOUBLE TRIES A SMILE, THEN BECOMES SERIOUS AGAIN, SEEING THAT GOLYADKIN WAS IN NO JOKING MOOD.
GOLYADKIN: You... allow me to ask you, to what do I owe the honor...?
DOUBLE: Knowing your generosity and your benevolence, I have ventured to appeal to you and to beg for your... acquaintance and protection...
GOLYADKIN: You perplex me. In what could I... that is, I mean, how could I be of service to you?
DOUBLE: I felt drawn to you, Yakov Petrovich, at first sight, and, please forgive me, I got my hopes up, Yakov Petrovich. I... I’m in a desperate plight here, Yakov Petrovich; I’m poor, I’ve had a great deal of trouble, Yakov Petrovich, and have only recently come here. Learning that you, with your innate goodness and excellence of heart, are of the same name...
GOLYADKIN FROWNS.
DOUBLE (cont.): Of the same name as myself and a native of the same district, I made up my mind to appeal to you, and to let you know about my difficult position.
GOLYADKIN: Very good, very good; I really don’t know what to say. We’ll have a talk after dinner...
THE DOUBLE BOWS. PETRUSHKA BRINGS IN DINNER. THEY EAT HURRIEDLY. GOLYADKIN LIGHTS A PIPE AND OFFERS A SECOND TO THE DOUBLE.
DOUBLE: I have suffered much, quite without any fault on my part. I’ve served in a lawcourt in the provinces, dealt with prosecutors and presidents, experienced certain department intrigues, witnessed the depravity of some registration clerks, an inspector, and a new chief in the department. I have an aged aunt, Pelegea Semyonovna. Through various intrigues of my enemies, I lost my position and came to Petersburg on foot. I’ve had a harassing and wretched time here, have tried in vain for a long time to get a job, have spent all my money, have nothing left, have been living almost in the street, on a crust of bread, washing it down with my tears, sleeping on the bare floor. Some good Christian exerted himself on my behalf and helped me get back on my feet.
THE DOUBLE WIPES HIS EYES WITH A HANDKERCHIEF.
DOUBLE (cont.): I’m without food and money for a decent lodging. I don’t even have enough to dress myself properly. I scrounged up some money for a pair of wretched boots and am renting a uniform for now.
GOLYADKIN IS GENUINELY TOUCHED BY THE DOUBLE’S STORY. PETRUSHKA BRINGS TEA.
GOLYADKIN: I have much to tell you. Petersburg has many entertainments and attractions. The theater, the clubs, Brulov’s picture. There were two Englishmen who came from England to Petersburg on purpose to look at the iron railing of the Summer Garden and returned at once when they had seen it. And then there’s the office... Olsufy Ivanovich and Andrey Flippovich... Russia is progressing, hour by hour, towards a state of perfection. Arts and letters flourish here today. I recently read an anecdote in the Northern Bee about a boa constrictor in India of immense strength. And have you heard of Baron Brambeus?
PETRUSHKA BRINGS IN RUM AND PREPARES PUNCH. GOLYADKIN HESITATES.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: It’s okay, though!
GOLYADKIN AND THE DOUBLE DRINK A GLASS OF PUNCH, THEN A SECOND. THE DOUBLE TAKES UP A PEN AND PAPER AND WRITES SOMETHING, THEN READS IT TO GOLYADKIN.
DOUBLE: If you forget me,
I won’t forget thee;
Though all things may be,
Do not forget me!
GOLYADKIN’S EYES WELL UP WITH TEARS. HE HUGS THE DOUBLE.
GOLYADKIN: Well, you can be sure we’ll get along, Yakov Petrovich. You and I will take to each other like fish to water, Yakov Petrovich. We’ll be like brothers. We’ll be cunning, my friend, we’ll work together; we’ll plot behind their backs... intrigue them right back, in spite of them! And don’t you trust any of them. I know you, Yakov Petrovich, and I understand your character; you’re the kind of person who will blurt out everything, you guileless soul! So, steer clear of them all, my boy.
DOUBLE: I agree entirely. Thank you, Mr. Golyadkin.
THE DOUBLE GROWS TEARFUL.
GOLYADKIN: You know, Yasha, you should stay with me for a while, or stay with me forever—why not? We’ll get along together. What do you say, brother, eh? And don’t you worry or complain because things are so strange now; it’s a sin to complain, brother; it’s nature! And Mother Nature is liberal with her gifts, so there, brother Yasha! It’s from love for you that I speak, from brotherly love. But we’ll be cunning, Yasha; we’ll set a trap, too, and we’ll make them laugh out the other side of their mouths.
THEY DRINK THEIR THIRD AND FOURTH GLASSES OF PUNCH. GOLYADKIN MAKES UP A BED FOR THE DOUBLE OUT OF TWO CHAIRS.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): You may stay the night, of course.
DOUBLE: Under a friend’s roof, the bare floor would be a soft bed. For my part, I could sleep anywhere, humbly and gratefully. I’m in paradise now. I’ve been through a great deal of trouble and grief in my time. I’ve seen ups and downs, put up with all sorts of things, and—who can tell what the future holds?—may still have more to put up with.
GOLYADKIN: But you have to put your faith in God!
DOUBLE: I agree entirely. There is, of course, no one like God.
GOLYADKIN: The Turks are right to call upon God even in their sleep. I don’t agree with certain well-educated professors who slander the name of the Turkish prophet Muhammad. He was a great politician in his own right. I read about an Algerian barber shop in a magazine. The Turks are so simple, but one can’t help but admire their fanatical devotion. Maybe it’s the opium.
THEY LAUGH. THE DOUBLE BEGINS UNDRESSING. GOLYADKIN LEAVES HIM AND GOES TO PETRUSHKA’S ROOM. PETRUSHKA IS MAKING HIS BED.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): You go to bed now, Pyotr. You go to bed now and wake me up at eight o’clock. Do you understand, Petrushka?
PETRUSHKA DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE GOLYADKIN.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Did you hear what I said, Pyotr? You go to bed now and wake me tomorrow at eight; do you understand?
PETRUSHKA: (grumbling) Obviously I know that. What’s the use of telling me?
GOLYADKIN: Well, that’s right, Petrushka; I only mention it so you can be happy and at rest. Now we are all happy, so I want you, too, to be happy and satisfied. And now I wish you good night. Sleep, Petrushka, sleep; we all have to work... Don’t think anything strange, my man...
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Is this too much? Have I gone to far? That’s how it always is. I always overdo it.
GOLYADKIN LEAVES PETRUSHKA’S ROOM.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): You joke around with the rascal, do him too much honor, and he doesn’t even feel it. But there, that’s the nasty way of all that sort of people!
GOLYADKIN RETURNS TO HIS ROOM. THE DOUBLE HAS SETTLED IN FOR THE NIGHT.
GOLYADKIN: (whispering familiarly) Admit it, Yasha. You’re a rascal, you know; what a way you’ve treated me! You took my name, you know that?
GOLYADKIN PREPARES FOR BED AS THE DOUBLE STARTS SNORING.
GOLYADKIN: (whispering to himself) You’re drunk today, my dear fellow, Yakov Petrovich, you rascal, you old Golyadkin—what a surname to have! Why, what are you so pleased about? You’ll be crying tomorrow, you big bab. What am I to do with you?
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: I’ve been over-excited and let myself go. Now my head is buzzing and I’m drunk. I couldn’t stop myself, ass that I am! And I’ve been talking all kinds of nonsense, and, like a rascal, I was planning to be so sly. Of course, to forgive and forget injuries is the height of virtue; but it’s a bad thing, nevertheless! Yes, that’s how it is!
GOLYADKIN PICKS UP A CANDLE AND TAKES IT TO THE DOUBLE. HE STANDS OVER HIM FOR A WHILE, LOST IN THOUGHT.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: An unpleasant picture! A pure satire, a mockery, a caricature! This can only end in disaster.
GOLYADKIN FALLS ASLEEP.
GOLYADKIN WAKES UP. GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Ugh, I played the fool last night!
HE SITS UP AND FINDS THAT THE DOUBLE, AND HIS BED, ARE GONE.
GOLYADKIN: (almost shrieking) What does it mean? What can it be? What will come of this?
PETRUSHKA ENTERS WITH THE TEA-TRAY.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): (barely audible) Where, where?
PETRUSHKA IS SILENT FOR A MOMENT.
PETRUSHKA: My boss isn’t home.
GOLYADKIN: You idiot. I’m your boss, Petrushka!
PETRUSHKA GLARES AT GOLYADKIN.
PETRUSHKA: Well, the other one left an hour and a half ago. He wouldn’t wait.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: All right, we’ll see. We’ll see in due time. We’ll get to the bottom of all this.
GOLYADKIN: (moaning) Oh, Lord, have mercy on us! And why did I invite him? Why did I do all that? Why? I'm thrusting my head into their thievish noose myself. I’m tying the noose with my own hands. Ach, you fool, you fool! You can’t resist babbling like some silly boy, some chancery clerk, some wretched creature of no class at all, some rag, some rotten dishcloth; you’re a gossip, an old woman!... Oh, all ye saints! And he wrote poems, the rogue, and expressed his love for me! How could... How can I show him the door in a polite way if he comes back, the rogue? Of course, there are all sorts of ways and means. I can tell him that’s how it has to be, my salary being so limited... Or scare him off in some way, saying that, taking this and that into consideration, I am forced to make clear... that he would have to pay an equal share of the rent, in advance. H’m! No, damn it all, no! That would be degrading to me. It’s not quite delicate! Couldn’t I do something like this: suggest to Petrushka that he should annoy him in some way, should be disrespectful, be rude, and get rid of him in that way? Set them at each other in some way.... No, damn it all, no! It’s dangerous, and again, if you look at it from that point of view—it’s not the right thing at all! Not the right thing at all! But there, even if he doesn’t come, it will be a bad outlook, a bad outlook! Ach, we’re in a bad way! Oh, I’m a cursed fool, a cursed fool! You can’t train yourself to behave as you should. You can’t conduct yourself reasonably. Well, what if he comes and refuses? And God grant he may come! I’d be very glad if he did come....
GOLYADKIN DRINKS HIS TEA AND LOOKS AT THE CLOCK. GOLYADKIN (cont.): It’s a quarter to nine; it’s time to go. And something will happen! What will there be there? I’d like to know what exactly lies hidden in this—that is, the object, the aim, and the various intrigues. It would be a good thing to find out what all these people are plotting, and what will be their first step....
GOLYADKIN THROWS DOWN HIS PIPE, GETS DRESSED, AND GOES TO THE OFFICE. AT THE ENTRANCE, HE TAKES OFF HIS COAT AND BOOTS.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): We... will get to the bottom of it. We’ll go into all these matters immediately.
HE BUMPS INTO THE DOUBLE IN THE DOORWAY. THE DOUBLE HAS A BUSINESSLIKE AIR ABOUT HIM. GOLYADKIN (cont.): Oh, it’s you, Yakov Petrovich!
GOLYADKIN TAKES THE DOUBLE’S HAND.
DOUBLE: Not now, not now, excuse me, tell me about it later.
THE DOUBLE DASHES ON.
GOLYADKIN: But, excuse me; I believe, Yakov Petrovich, you wanted...
THE DOUBLE HALTS RELUCTANTLY.
DOUBLE: What is it? Hurry up and explain.
GOLYADKIN: I have to say, Yakov Petrovich, that I’m surprised at your behavior... behavior which seemingly I couldn’t have expected at all.
DOUBLE: There’s a proper form for everything. Go to his Excellency’s secretary and then appeal in the proper way to the directors of the office. Have you got your petition?
GOLYADKIN: You... I really don’t know, Yakov Petrovich! You simply amaze me, Yakov Petrovich! You certainly don’t recognize me, or, with characteristic merrymaking, you are joking.
DOUBLE: Oh, it’s you. So, it’s you? Well, did you have a good night?
THE DOUBLE SMILES FORMALLY. GOLYADKIN IS SPEECHLESS.
DOUBLE (cont.): I’m very glad you had a good night.
THE DOUBLE LOOKS RIGHT, THEN LEFT, THEN DOWN, MAKING FOR THE DOOR.
DOUBLE (cont.): (muttering) I have a special commision.
THE DOUBLE LEAVES.
GOLYADKIN: (muttering) Well, this is weird! This is weird! This is a strange circumstance. However, however, I spoke long ago of such a circumstance: I had a presentiment long ago that he had a special commission. Why, I said yesterday that the man must certainly be employed on some special commission.
GOLYADKIN SITS NEXT TO ANTON ANTONOVICH.
ANTON: Have you finished copying out the document from yesterday, Yakov Petrovich? Have you got it here?
GOLYADKIN: (murmuring) Yes.
ANTON: That’s right! I mention it because Andrey Flippovich has asked for it twice. I’m sure his Excellency wants it....
GOLYADKIN: Yes, it’s finished...
ANTON: Well, that’s all right then.
GOLYADKIN: I believe, Anton Antonovich, I’ve always performed my duties properly. I’m always scrupulous over the work entrusted to me by my superiors, and I attend to it conscientiously.
ANTON: Yes. Why, what do you mean by that?
GOLYADKIN: I mean nothing, Anton, Antonovich. I only want to explain, Anton Antonovich, that I... that is, I meant to express that spite and malice sometimes spare no person whatsoever in their search for their daily and revolting food....
ANTON: Excuse me, I don’t quite understand you. Who are you alluding to?
GOLYADKIN: I only meant to say, Anton Antonovich, that I’m seeking the straight path, and I hate going to work in a roundabout way. That I am not one to intrigue, and that, if I may be allowed to say so, I may very justly be proud of it....
ANTON: Yes. That’s quite true, and as far as I know, I completely agree with what you say; but allow me to tell you, Yakov Petrovich, that personalities are not quite permissible in good society, that I, for instance, am ready to put up with anything behind my back—for everyone’s abused behind their back—but to my face, if you please, my good sir, I don’t allow anyone to be disrespectful. I’ve grown grey in the government service, sir, and I don’t allow anyone to disrespect me in my old age....
GOLYADKIN: No, Anton Antonovich... you see, Anton Antonovich... you haven’t quite caught my meaning. To be sure, Anton Antonovich, I for my part could only think it an honor...
ANTON: Well, then, pardon me as well. We’ve been brought up in the old school. And it’s too late for us to learn your new-fangled ways. I believe we’ve had understanding enough for the service of our country up to now. As you’re aware, sir, I have an order of merit for twenty-five years’ irreproachable service....
GOLYADKIN: I feel it, Anton Antonovich, on my side, too, I quite feel all that. But I didn’t mean that, I am speaking of a mask, Anton Antonovich....
ANTON: A mask?
GOLYADKIN: Again you... I’m worried you’re taking this, too, the wrong way—that is, the meaning of my words, as you say yourself, Anton Antonovich. I am simply enunciating a theory, that is, I am advancing the idea, Anton Antonovich, that people who wear a mask have become far from uncommon, and that nowadays it's hard to recognize the man beneath the mask...
ANTON: Well, you know, it’s not that hard. Sometimes it’s fairly easy. Sometimes you don’t need to go far to look for it.
GOLYADKIN: No, you know, Anton Antonovich, I say, I say of myself, that I, for instance, do not put on a mask except when there is need of it; that is, simply at carnival time or at some festive gathering, speaking in the literal sense; but that I don’t wear a mask in front of people in daily life, speaking in another less obvious sense. That’s what I mean to say, Anton Antonovich.
ANTON: Oh, well, but we should drop all this. I’m busy now.
ANTON GETS UP, COLLECTING SOME PAPERS.
ANTON (cont.): Your business, as I imagine, will be explained in due course without delay. You will see for yourself whom you should censure and whom you should blame, and when you do, I humbly beg you to spare me from further explanations and arguments which interfere with my work....
GOLYADKIN: No, Anton Antonovich, I had no intention of doing that.
ANTON LEAVES.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): (to himself) What does it mean? Which way does the wind blow now, and what is one to make of this new turn?
THE DOOR OPENS, AND ANDREY FLIPPOVICH APPEARS.
ANDREY: Yakov Petrovich!
GOLYADKIN LEAPS UP, READY TO GIVE ANDREY THE DOCUMENTS HE WANTED. SUDDENLY, THE DOUBLE SLIPS PAST ANDREY AND APPROACHES GOLYADKIN.
DOUBLE: The papers, Yakov Petrovich, the papers... his Excellency has been pleased to ask for them; have you got them ready? (whispering) Andrey Flippovich is waiting for you....
GOLYADKIN: (whispering) I know he’s waiting without your telling me.
DOUBLE: No, Yakov Petrovich, I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean it at all, Yakov Petrovich, not that at all. I sympathize with you, Yakov Petrovich, and am humbly moved by genuine interest.
GOLYADKIN: Which I most humbly beg you to spare me. Allow me, allow me...
DOUBLE: You’ll put it in an envelope, of course, Yakov Petrovich, and you’ll put a mark on the third page; allow me, Yakov Petrovich....
GOLYADKIN: You allow me, please...
DOUBLE: But, I say, there’s a blot here, Yakov Petrovich; did you know there was a blot here?...
ANDREY: Yakov Petrovich!
GOLYADKIN: One moment, Andrey Flippovich, I’m only just... Do you understand English, sir?
DOUBLE: It would be best to take it out with a penknife, Yakov Petrovich. You’d better let me do it. You’d better not touch it yourself, Yakov Petrovich, rely on me—I’ll do it with a penknife...
ANDREY: Yakov Petrovich!
GOLYADKIN: But, allow me, where’s the blot? I don’t think there’s a blot at all.
DOUBLE: It’s a huge blot. Here it is! Here, allow me, I saw it here... you just let me, Yakov Petrovich, I’ll just touch it with the penknife, I’ll scratch it out with the penknife out of true-hearted sympathy. There, like this; see, it’s done.
SUDDENLY, THE DOUBLE TAKES THE DOCUMENT FROM GOLYADKIN. HE DOESN’T SCRATCH OUT THE BLOT BUT ROLLS UP THE DOCUMENT, PUTS IT UNDER HIS ARM, AND GOES TO ANDREY FLIPPOVICH. THE DOUBLE AND ANDREY EXIT. GOLYADKIN SITS IN STUNNED SILENCE, HOLDING THE PENKNIFE. AFTER A MOMENT, HE STANDS UP AND FOLLOWS THE DOUBLE AND ANDREY INTO THE DIRECTOR’S OFFICE.
HIS EXCELLENCY: (to the DOUBLE) Thank you, Mr. Golyadkin. I won’t forget this.
GOLYADKIN: No! Andrey Flippovich, it’s not right, not right at all.
ANDREY: (curtly) This sounds like a private matter. I don’t even have a minute to spare for my own affairs.
GOLYADKIN: (to himself) I had better, perhaps, try in another quarter... I had better appeal to Anton Antonovich.
GOLYADKIN LOOKS FOR BUT CAN’T FIND ANTON.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: Ah, there was a reason he asked me to spare him explanation and discussion! This was what the old rogue had in mind! In that case I’ll simply be bold and approach his Excellency.
GOLYADKIN SITS IN HIS CHAIR.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS (cont.): It would have been a great deal better if it had all been just nothing. Indeed, such a mysterious business was utterly improbable. In the first place, it was nonsense, and secondly it couldn’t happen. Most likely it was imagination, or something else happened, and not what really did happen; or maybe I went myself... and somehow mistook myself for someone else... in short, it’s an utterly impossible thing.
THE DOUBLE ENTERS WITH PAPERS IN BOTH HANDS AND UNDER HIS ARM. HE MAKES HIS WAY FOR THE EXIT.
DOUBLE: (to ANDREY) The business will be settled. (to CLERK) How do you do? (to SECOND CLERK) Nice to see you. (to THIRD CLERK) Looking sharp, friend.
THE DOUBLE STOPS AT THE EXIT TO CHAT WITH A GAGGLE OF CLERKS. GOLYADKIN RUSHES TOWARD HIM. THE DOUBLE SEES HIM COMING AND LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY. GOLYADKIN GRABS HIM BY HIS SLEEVE. THE SURROUNDING CLERKS STEP BACK AND WATCH WITH CURIOSITY.
DOUBLE: Well!
GOLYADKIN STRUGGLES TO BREATHE.
DOUBLE (cont.): I don’t know how to explain to you how strange you’re acting, sir.
GOLYADKIN: Well. Go on.
THE DOUBLE TURNS AND WINKS AT THE CLERKS.
GOLYADKIN: The disrespect and shamelessness of your manners with me, sir, in the present case, unmasks your true character... better than any words of mine could do. Don’t rely on your trickery: it is worthless....
DOUBLE: Come, Yakov Petrovich, tell me now, how did you spend the night?
GOLYADKIN: You forget yourself, sir. I trust that you will take a different tone....
DOUBLE: My darling!
THE DOUBLE PINCHES GOLYADKIN’S CHEEK. GOLYADKIN GROWS FURIOUS. THE DOUBLE PATS HIM ON THE CHEEK AND TICKLES HIM A FEW TIMES BEFORE POKING HIM IN THE BELLY.
DOUBLE (cont.): You’re mischievous, brother Yakov, you are mischievous! We’ll be cunning, you and I, Yakov Petrovich, we’ll be cunning.
THE DOUBLE PUTS ON A BUSINESSLIKE AIR AND TURNS TO LEAVE.
DOUBLE (cont.): On a special commission.
THE DOUBLE EXITS. GOLYADKIN IS FROZEN FOR A MOMENT, THEN FOLLOWS AFTER THE DOUBLE.
GOLYADKIN: (to himself) They’re all in conspiracy together. They stand by each other and egg each other on to attack me.
GOLYADKIN STOPS AFTER A DOZEN STEPS AND TURNS BACK.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: You won’t get away. You’ll get caught one day. The wolf will have to pay for the sheep’s tears.
GOLYADKIN SITS IN HIS CHAIR.
GOLYADKIN: You won’t escape.
GOLYADKIN BEGINS WRITING SOMETHING.
GOLYADKIN (cont.): Impersonation and shamelessness don’t pay nowadays, sir. Impersonation and shamelessness, sir, lead to no good, but lead to the noose. Grishka Otrepyov was the only one, sir, who gained by imposture, deceiving the blind people and even that not for long.
GOLYADKIN’S THOUGHTS: If he gives in, says he was joking, I’d forgive him. I’d forgive him even more if he would acknowledge it out loud. But I won’t let myself be treated like a rag. And I haven’t even allowed people very different from him to treat me like that. Still less will I let a depraved person attempt it. I am not a rag. I am not a rag, sir! You’re in fault yourself, sir!
THE CLOCK STRIKES FOUR AND EVERYONE LEAVES THE OFFICE. GOLYADKIN FOLLOWS THE DOUBLE THROUGH THE CROWD. THE DOUBLE PUTS ON HIS COAT AND LOOKS TOWARD GOLYADKIN. THE DOUBLE SAYS A WORD TO ONE CLERK, WHISPERS SOMETHING TO ANOTHER, RESPECTFULLY ACCOSTS A THIRD, SMILES AT A FOURTH, GIVES HIS HAND TO A FIFTH, AND DARTS DOWNSTAIRS. GOLYADKIN CHASES HIM DOWN THE STAIRS AND GRABS HIM BY THE COLLAR.
DOUBLE: (whispering) What do you mean by this?
GOLYADKIN: Sir, if you are a gentleman, I trust that you remember our friendly relations yesterday.
DOUBLE: Ah, yes! Well? Did you sleep well?
GOLYADKIN IS SPEECHLESS FOR A MOMENT.
GOLYADKIN: I slept well, sir... but let me tell you, sir, that you are playing a very complicated game...
DOUBLE: Says who? That’s what my enemies say.
THE DOUBLE FREES HIMSELF FROM GOLYADKIN’S GRIP, RUSHES OUTSIDE, GETS IN A CAB, AND VANISHES. GOLYADKIN LOOKS AROUND AND SEES NO OTHER CAB. HE TRIES TO RUN, BUT HIS LEGS GIVE OUT. HE LEANS AGAINST A LAMPPOST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PAVEMENT.