I’m sitting here and remembering the nietzche quote about how you should sit as little as possible and pay no mind to ideas that are generated without the full participation of all of your muscles.

To be truthful means that sometimes you don’t make sense, andndd it’s tutitititiritruutruthrhttutufuflfuflul to make no sense sometimes. Sometimes you’re lying when you’re making sense. Sometimes it’s a lie to make sense. Sometimes making sense is not truthful. You have to be truthful all the time, even when it means you don’t make sense.

The bookshelves today. Pacing back and forth in the library. That is real, that is what I did.

One thing didn’t get said byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me, and another thing did get said, but it got said in the way that I didn’t want to say it when I premeditated it, but then there’e the premeditation thing: we’re not interested in it.

premed I’m also no longer interested in writing something that is good or worth reading. I’m not interested in writing things worth reading. This is not worth reading.

When it comes to writing things, when it comes to writing, when it comes to, when I come to, when I wake up from this dream, when it ititititititi comes to waking up from dreams, and when it comes to life being but a dream, and when it comes to rowww row row row your boat, that song was way ahead of its time, and it also put kids on dark paths. It put us all on dark paths…. All of the allegories and fairy taylessesss we’re taught as kids are extremely dark-sideeeeed. Most of them are riddled with dalslualaiismssm. Some of them have these paradoxicalallal weirdly placed things in them like the “life is but a dream” thing. What do you even mean by that and why are you having little kids say that?

I don’t care about fonts like at all anymore. I used to care a great deal about fonts and how the letters looked and thee effects the different appearances of each letter had on the viewer, but nowadays, these days, I really don’t care about the fonts. I don’t and can’t care about the fonts, so just leave me out of any discussion of fonts.

The great pieces of wood supporting the ceiling and are supported by the walllslssss they are supported by metalllll crossssbeams which attach the beams of wood to one another.

Writing is important, and this is the end in and of itself, even though even though I’m not creating anything per se.. I’m not writing the novel in this moment I’m not writing it I’m not writing it I cant’t write it I I refuse to write it… I’‘m’mm not one who has the attention span for it. I would much rather meditate on other things like this. Here and now I don’t want to be caught looking at the screen, just like I don’t want to be caughght sitting, so let me stand up, then, in that case, let me stand up, and let me stand up and be happy about it, and let me then also create a standing desk on top of the standing desk who really gives a fuck here we go.

Do I need anything else on this surface? Maybe I do maybe I do need some more things to elevate me and get my posture right to get my posture right and correct in working order let ‘s do that right away right now right away it’s urgent for me to do this right now and most importantly right away. so here goes.

That’s immediately slightly better and by slightly I mean it made a whole world of difference and isn’t it funny how the slight differences are the ones that really matter and count and are important and we consider them/

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Bah. Who even knows what I’m talking about at this point. Who knows who knows who knows ▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒.

It’s really not that hard to live the life that I’m trying to live going forward. It’s honestly really truly not that hard, and I’m going to very easily start living it as soon as….

Right now. iiiiii knowwwww I know no premeditation I’m not interested in premeditation so then why is it June third and I’m thinking of things that won’t apply to me until august thirty first like really girl what are we doing here… what are we doing we have so much intervening time.

But decisions like this one are made of many smaller decisions, and right now ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒.

So then today what matters more than that is ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒. ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒.

Whoooooo cares. I’m getting caught up in stupid ridiculous things that are outside the scope of this anthill project. They’re really just outside of the scope, so let’s be normaler about it. ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒.

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And right now I know my eyes feel like blood vessels are constantly popping out and shit, but I do feel like getting back into some house of leaves reading. Going to the bathroom first, of course, and then more reading. Shall we do it, yes we shall. Okay see ya.