[guy] was shot and killed in [place] today, and here’s what the mainstream media won’t tell you: he fucking sucked in a very real, very visceral, very unfortunate way. unfortunate for all those who ever had to hear him speak. and yes, we were forced into ever hearing about him in the first place, so, shit, I guess finding out he died against my will was the only proper resolution. my two best friends, arguably, in the world, texted me, simultaneously, in all caps, that he had been shot. there was no way for me to not find out. and i’m glad i did find out. i know, i’m really like...... i don’t want to celebrate this death too strongly. i'd be grasping too hard, and it’s like okay girl, think about exactly what you’re celebrating real quick. it’s more just like....

i think it’s a combination of things, as all things are. some of the things, uh, some of the things that it’s a, uh, combination of are the following .. . ummmmm cool to live through history. like i can already see the fuckin like littleeeee uhh resonances in the water. like the rock got dropped in the water and it was a big rock, maybe big enough to send little shockwaves far enough to wake up something that has been dormant for a long time. one of those things, you know?

and i’m not talking about me. for the record. if there’s anything tracking this. i’m not going to execute violence, because i abide by the first buddhist precept to not kill any living being. it’s just that i also see the tide of history possibly beginning to turn in the favor of... the common man, i guess. like, it says a lot that that man was just killed.

the next day but then again, plenty of people get killed on the left too. but lol what are we even... what do we even mean by left when we say that? a democratic uhhhhh congressperson? like, uhhh........ yeah....... i guessssss you can say “both sides” are getting it, but like....... lol the whole fucking dualist trap is thinking there are only two sides. there are not two sides. that is nondualism. there are... possibly infinite sides? to everything? the funhouse mirror, split in a million ways, with "million" being a stand-in word for infinity? it’s like underhyperbolic. it’s underhyperbolic. it’s underhyperbolic. hypobolic.

i’m just thinking about that now. it’s why it’s a good idea to keep a sid statue in the household. you can just look upon him and remember that hey bitch we don’t usually like to celebrate things excessively. let’s keep a clear mind about this. anything rash, it's like.... i mean, fortune favors the bold or some stupid shit like that.... but shit, even that falls away. i’m not just bold. i’m bold AND whatever else.

basically, yes, it’s good to be living through a hsitorical period.

this is a reminder that all of the self indulgent stuff is not the point. it’s political. and that’s why i get so viscerally disappoiinted by older people now. there's not a single one of them whom i respect, frankly. i mean, i respect them in a million different ways, of course, but there’s one fundamental thing about them that disappoints the shit out of me: they have allowed themselves to calcify. they're not “about this shit” enough. they are, across the board, just not.

it’s so many of them, too. and they don’t even have to be that old. there’s a hopelessly disappointing person i stalked on the internet today. i was continuously getting disappointed by the dramatic extent of his white man syndrome. it’s one of many sicknesses white people can get afflicted with. white woman syndrome being the obvious other that comes to mind.

[guy] is a case of a white man who spouted a lot of stupid bullshit and got famous and beloved by the world's most retarded and sinister people. what do you want me to say? he had white man syndrome. he really answered that person’s question with such a fucking bitch ass cunty retarded answer that the comedic timing of his getting shot could not have been more perfect. i will never... or i may never... forget that moment on the subway when i watched the video for the first time.

the next next day yeah, uhhhh. shit, do i even have anything else to say right now? that might be it on the [guy] thing. i don't think there’s anything else i have to say about it just yet. i’m kinda okay with leaving it there for the time being, maybe, possibly?

“IF I DIE, please bury me—or, no, don’t bury me, actually, leave me in a fuckin park—no, not a park, not a park, leave me in the woods somewhere in [town] near where i grew up, near [address]. just make me naked or you can leave my clothes on, actually, i don’t really need y'all to see me naked, frankly, that’s kinda weird, unelss you’re worried aobut the environmental impact of my clothes or something, but shit, i think it’s fine, bro, just leave me out there in the woods, clothes and all. that is my one wish for you."

my mom, for example, would never allow it. she would just never allow it. she would force me to get buried in a trdaitional stupid ass graveyard so i can be with my family forever. i don’t wanna do that, bro. i’m here doing my own thing and it’s not reserved only for my family.

lol wait it’s kinda fun to death plan. waittttt, there's so much shit you can ask for when you die. i feel like you can ask too much, though. i wouldn’t wanna grasp too hard at it, but at the same time this body is something that i want to give as a gift to the world that allowed me to be around and shit. i don’t want to be in a fucking box forever and tucked away, forgotten. what the fuck is wrong with you if you think i would do that to my beautiful body which has allowed me to live such a charmed life. i need to give it back after. i’m not going to let you grasp onto me forever. so yeah. this is my wish for you. to bury me—er, not bury me—as specified above.

as long as i can give my body back to the earth, that’s cool. i don't have to worry about it too much, cuz the bacteria will get me somehow eventually... but then if i'm in a box, how do they escape? i suppose my shit will leak out or something. it’ll get to the earth somehow? but shit, idk. it might take as long as it takes for the fuckin box they put me in to decompose.... but i suppose yes, eventually, you return to the earth no matter the fuck what, so i don’t have to worry too much. i guess i’m grasping onto short term things like the duration of my body’s ability to exist in any form and support any life, and the life that it has supported in the past to support other life.... but shit, i feel like it just keeps going on and on and on such that as long as any of my cells are part of any living being, then we’re kinda good, and we’re kinda still gonna be part of it, you know? i don’t know what it’s like not to have cells, so how could i ever know what it’s like for my cells to be somewhere else? i don’t know. i clearly don’t know, because plenty of my cells have been sent to various locations and left behind at various locales, mostly in the form of semen and snot and sweat and shit. where does all that stuff go, and is it still part of me because it is made of my cells, and stuff like that. i feel like especially the sperm, though maybe there’s something with it only containing 23 chromosomes that makes it not sentient or something, but shit, the cell is still alive, isn’t it? and it still has mechanisms hapening inside it, doesn’t it? so, see, as long as there are mechanisms happening inside of something, i feel like it’s sentient. with things like doors, the mechanisms are not quite mechanismsing there; they’re static, and even the atoms that make up the door are quite static, aren’t they, not any processes going on inside those unless you light it on fire and induce a state change... you need to induce state change in order to bring life out of any physical matter.

anyway i think it’s good to leave things there for now. i’m sure i left all kinds of loose threads and other bullshit that’s making you go ohhh cmonnn keep talking we wanna hear you talk more! and to that i say patience.