I’m outside in H▒▒▒▒ and N▒▒▒’s yard... it’s a beautiful day to have a beautiful day. It’s weird, there hasven’t abeen any non-beautiful days since I’ve arrived here. they’ve all been so idyllic, and if anything too hot. But when you’re in the shade you can do anything! You can really do anything you want. Yesterday, n▒▒▒ and I were talking about climate apocalyptic events. We were talking about these books which fictionalize the concept of climate catastrophe, and we were just talking, just chatting about themmm, something about the wet bulb temperature in india being too high, you know, that kind of thing, the harbingers, the various harbingers of the imminent apocalpyupysee... right... and then still we have the nerve to do things that are so totally unrelated, things related to consumption, things related to deciding my own future,, like what amm I eeven doing? Why would I do that at all? ████ █ ████ █ █████ █ ██████ ███████ ███████ ████’█ ████ █’█ █████ ███ ████’█ ████ █ ██ ████ ███████’█ ████ █ ████ ██, ███ ████’█ ████ ████ ██. █ ███████ █ █████ ██ ████ ██████ ██ ████ ██ ███ █████ ████ ███ ███ ████ ██ █ ███ ████ ███ ███ ██ ████ hey bro I actually had a dream we were kissing really seweetly and tenderly. What do you make of that? Do you wanna try it, would you ever be down to try it? But I would enever ask someone to premeditate in such a way . I’m not inetesrted in premeditations like that. I’m really not interested in premeditating anymore. I’m going to be finishd with premedittiaitng if it’s all the same to you. █’█ ████ █████ ██ ███ ████ ████ ████ ████ ██████████ ███████████. ███ ██’█ █████ ██ ██ ███████████ █████ ██████ ████ ███ ███ ███████ ██ █.█. █’█ █████ ██ ███ ███ █████████████ ███████ ████ █ █████████ ███████████. █’█ ██████████ ██ ███ ████████ ████████ █ ████ ██ ███ ████████ █████ ████ ████ ██ ███’█ ████ ██████ ██ █████ █████ ████ ███ ██ ███’█ ████ ██████ ███ ███ ████ █████ ███████ ██████, ██ ███’█ ████ ██████ ███ ███ ███████ ███ ███ █████ ███████ ██ █████ █████ ██ ██ ██ █████ ██ ██████████ ██ ████. █████ ████, ███ ███ ████, ██’██ ███ ███████████ ██ ████ █████ ███ ██████... ██’██ ████ ███ ██████████ ██ ████.,, █████!!!! ██’██ ███ ██████████ ███ █’█ ███ ██████████ ███ ████’██ ███ ██████████. ███ ████ ██ █████ ████ ██ ████ ████ ████ ████, ███ ████ █ ████ ████ ███ ██ ████ there is no sham ein anything if you’ve done it in the flow state. █ ███ ███ ████ ████ █ ████ █████, not from a place of depeseration or grasping, and I guess I didn’t realize you could just ████ ████ ███ █ ████ ████ ████ ███████ ██████ ██████ ██ ███ ████ ███████ ███ ██████ ██ ███████... ██████ █████████ ███████ ███ ███ ██ ████ ███████... ██ ██████ ████ ███... ██ ██.... Anyway. The trees out here, the trees out here. the one that is within the confines of the fence. has leaves whihch are somewhere between brown and purple and I think that’s pretty cool. That to me is quite awesome. It’s pretty cool isn’t it? It’s cool to me anyway. Where is the next tame impala song??? Where is it... there it is... I had some leftover jazz in the queue from last night. I had to skip through it. We’re not doing anything from yesterday today. Today is a new day. I feel though the reminders of yesterday ███ ███ ██ ██ ██████████... ██ █ ███ █████ ██ ████ █████ ███████ █’█ ████ ████ ████ ████ ████ ███ █ ███ ██ ████████ ████████ █████ ███ ████. ████████ █ █████ █ ███ ████ █ █████ █████ █ ████████ ████ ████ █████. ██ ████ ████████? █████ ██ ████ ███ █████ ██████? ███ █████ ██████ █’█ ███████████ ████████, ██’█ █████ ████ █ ████ ████ ███████ ████ ████ ████ █████ ███████ ███ █████ ██████ ████ ████ █████████████.... But what i can do instead is ██ ███ ██ █ ████████ ████. ██ ████’██ ██ ████ ████, ███ █ ███ ████ ██ ██ ████.... █████? ████ ███, ███ ███████ █’█ █ ██ ████ ██ ███ ██ █ ████████ ████? █ ████ ██’█ ██████ ███ ██... But in reality what I really need is ███ ██████ ███████ █████████. ████’█ ████ █ ██████ ████████ █████... █ ████ ███ ██████ ███████ █████. █ ██████.... █ ██████ ██ █ █████ ███ ██ ██ ██████ ███ ████ ██ ███████ ████ █████ ███████. █ ██████. █ ██ ███ █████? ███ ███ █████, ███ ████ █ ███’█ ████ ██ █████ █████ ████████ ██ ███? █. ███████████ ██ ███████? Because really █ █████ ██ ██ █████ ████ ███████ ██ █ █████’█ ███████ █████ ███████ █████ ██ ███ ███ ████████. ██ ████ █████ ████ ████ ██ █ █████’█ ████ ██ ██ ███████ █████ ███████. ███ ███████ ██ █████ ████ ██ ███ ██ ██, ███████ ███ █████ ██ ██ ███ ████. ██ ████ ████ ██ █████ ██████ ██ ███ ████. ██ ██’██ ████ ███ ████ ██ ███ ██████ ███. █████████ ██ █ █████, ███ ███████, ███’█ ███ ██ ████ █████ ████ ███... let’s just see about it. Right? Yes, let sjust see about it.... And now I have this beautiful ███████████ ██████████ ████ ███ ██ █████ ███████. ██ ██████ ████ ████ ██ ████ ██████ ██ ██ ██████ █████ ████████ ███████ ██ ███████. ████ █████ █████████ ██ ██ ██████ █████ ███ ███ ██████. ██ ███ ███ ████, █████ ██ █ ████ ██████ ███ ███ ███████’█ ██ ███████. █████ ███ ███ ████ ███████ ███ ███ ███████’█ █ ███████. ██ ███’█ ████ ████ ██ ███ ███████, █████ ██? It feels great to be out here. but this is’nt about me. This is about... the world around .eememeeee.... ███ ███ █████ ██████████ ██████████... ████ ███ ████ ████. █ ██████ ███ ███████ ███████████ ███████ ███ ███ ██████████ ███ ███ ███████ ████ ██ ███ ██ ███████ ████ ██████ ████ █ ██████ ████ ██████ ██ ███ ████ ███. ███ ██’██ █████████ ██ ███ ████ ███ ██████ ██ ████ ██████, ███ ███ ██████ ███ █████ █████ ████ ████████████ ██ █████████ █████ █████, it’s getting closer, like yes it is kevin parker of tame impala, yes it is indeed getting closer. That one I will cosign. I reeeeeeally readily gree with you and I agree with your sentiments. It is indeed getting closer. And now it’s now it’s here. now it’s officially finally readily here. it’ shere, th emomen.t... the ibird chirping in the far distance, and theeeeeeeee noise making machine next to the bedroom window also making its loud noise which it has been making all night and perhasps eveven longer. These continuous machinelike murmurs, one wonders what the purspoe of them is... what thepurpse is of something lie that. And what even really is the purpose, honestly? What is the purpose of such a thing? It’s hard to say. It’s hard.... I hear something coming from inside.... Some sound of some human.. I hear the bidpedal nature of their stepping, I hear that it’s bipeallaldla.. and some kind f gat ehas just seemingly opened, an d ih have this craving for peanut butter right now, peanut butter and anything with fiber. ███████ █’██ ███ ████ ██████ ████████ █████ █████████████ ██ ██ ███████ ██ ███ ████ ██ ██ ███, ███████, ███████... ███████ █ ███ ██████ ██████ █████ ███ █████ ███████████ ████ █████ ██ ████. Let’s go take a chug ggggg of water shall we? Iiiiiii am still l here. I just drank some water, but I was not fully present for it because I was thinking about ███ ████ ██ ███ ██ █████. Listen, ant, postmeditation is just as undesirable as premeditation. You know, back in my day, we even had a word for it, and the word was rumination. The word rumination... it carries such a negative valence for me. it’s not the same as refelction, it’s rumination. It’s just thoughts that have no end in mind... but isn’t that the point? The point of things is the point... so then the point of rumination would also be the point, and rumination would be fair game, and allowed. the point This is where.... I have to just trust some of the more wordless parts of my existence and the way I choose to live it out. I have to choose some of the more wordless, felt things, and one of them is that I prefer looking at the flora out here than ruminating on whether it’s okay that I ████ ███ ████ ██████ ██ ████ ████ ███ ███████ █ █████ ██ ██████ ███ ██████.... You know what I mean? These rumiantions █████ █████... ██ ████ ████ ██ ███ █████████ ███ ███’█ ████ █████, ██ ███████ ██ ███ ██ ██████████ █████ ████ ████████████? █’█’█ ██ ███████████ ███████, ██ ███████████ ███████████ ███ ████ ██’█ ████... ██ ██████ █████ █████ ████████ ████ █████ ████ ██ ██████ █████ ██████████, ███ ████ ███ ████... ██, ██ ████ █████ ███ █████ █████, ██ ██████ ████ ██ █████ █ ███... ██ ████ ██ ██ █████ ██ ███ ██████████ ██ ██. Continue to touch grass, which I am doing right now mind you....... I’m sort of touching it, anyway... touch And juust like that, lookit, lookie there, a bird.... A bird..... wtith its beak open,,,, and now it’s gone just like that. It started in the bush then flew to the fenece and had its beak wide open, then flew into the neighbors' yard.... Just like that. And you would’ve missed it had you been ruminating about █ ████. ███’██ ███ █████ ███ █████ ███████ █████... And mind you, ██ ██████████ ██ ███████ ███ ████ ██████████ ████ ███████ ██ ██ ████████ █████. █’█ ███████ ███████████ █ ███████ ██████████ ████ ███ ████ ████████ ████ ████... ███ ████ █ ████████ ██ ██ ██ ██████, ███ ██’█ █████ ████, ███ ██’█ █ ████,█ ██ █ ██████ ██ ██ █████ ███ ███ ████ ███████ ██ █████ ██ ███████ ███████, ███ ██ ███ ██████ █ ███ ███████ ████ ███ █████ ███ ███ █████ █ ███████ ████ █████████? █ ██ █████ ██ ███████ ████████... █ ██ █████ ██ ███████ ███████? ███ ████ ██████ ██ ████ ███ ███ ████ █ ████ ██ ██. ███ █ ███ ████ ███ ████ ███ ███ ████, ███ █████████ ████ ███ ████ ██ ████ █████ █████. ██ ███ ██ ██ ██. █ ███ ██ ██ ██ █████ ████████ █████ ███ ██ ████ █████ █████ ████ ██████ ███. █████ █ ████████ ████ ██████ ██ ███ ██████, ███ █ ████ ███ ████ ████, ███.... I feel the need to scoop that poop away from its spot, ███████ ██ ██ █████ ███████. █’█ █████ ██ ██ █████ ███ ███████ ███ ████ ████. ██████ ████. I scooped the poop, which was a mild exertion. I mildly exerted myself scooping the poop and escorting it to its resting place in the rocks next to the hammock. I picked up the scooper and stuff, and now I’m done with it, and I’m looking at this lightbulb and seeing how it sort of oddly reflects the things behind it, refracts, something or other... And returning to the present moment sometimes feels boring. Just then it felt boring when i was like, okay, ant, return to the present moment... i was like, wait, really, why,,, do we have to? Do we have to return it to it? What if I don’t wanna return to it? Last week I had na hour of screentime on my phone per day which feels about right. Beuacse really what even is there to do on the phone? There doesn’t seem to be anything to do on the phone. Nothing to do on there that’s wort h doing... nothing to do worth doing. █ ███████ ███████████, ████████ ██ █████████... ██████ ████████ ███ ████████████ ███████ ███ ███████████ ██ ████ ███ ████ ██ ████ ████ ██ ████ ███ ██ ███ ██████ █████ ██ ██████████ ██████, ████████ ██ █████████ ████ ███████ ██ █████ ██ ██ ███ █████████ ██████... Plane flying overhead and it looks absoutley pure white. The whiteness of the plane, the whiteness of the whale... .elet’s fly up there wit the plane and let’stka ie todnw... the plaenw ill be my new white whale. Because really we might need to repopularize some ███ ████████████ █████ ████ ██ ███████ █████████. █ █████ ██ █████ ██. █████ █████ ███ ███ ██████ ██ █████ ██████████ ████ ██ ██████████ █████. ███ ███ █ ████ ████? █ █████ ██ ██, ███ ██’█ █ █████ ██ ████ ████ ████████ █████████ ███████ █ ████ ███████ ████████████ ██ ████████ ████. I wish... Property law has been a significant downfall of modern civiliazationk , I do believe and I do declare. It’s been a serious downfall. As soon as we starte thinking of thigns in terms of property, shit was starting to get weird. And with that being said, it begs a question of whether █ ████ ████ ████████ ██ ███. ██ █ █████ ████ █ ████ █ ██ █████████ ████ ██ ██ ██ ████, ████ ███████ ██ ██? █’█ ███ █████ ██████████ ██ ████. ████████ ██ █ ██████ ███████ ███ █ █████ ██████ ███ ██ ███████ ████ ████████ ████ ██ ███ ███ ████... willing participation. Of course the question is begged of █████ ██ ████ ███ ██ ████ ██ █████. ██ ███ ██ ███████’█ ████████. ███ ████████ █ ██████ ████ ████... █████. ███’█ ███████████ ██ ██ █████ ██████. █’█ █████ ██ ████ ██ ████ ████ █████ █████. █’█ █████ ██ ██████████ ████ ███ █████████ ████. █’█ ███████ ██ ████ ████ ███████████ ██████████ ████ █████████ ███████████ █████████... any narrative that I had previously used to fuel my life and times, I’m letting it go. And in fact I’m letting go of any declarations about property as well. I’m letting go of it all. I’m letting go in right now in this exact moment, in favor of returning to the present, and returning to the observations, but I’m even withholding the obesrvations, I’m closing my eyes accordingly, and we are being fully in our body, I’m shifting on my feet, back and forth and also in other directions besides backkkkkkkkkkkk and forth. I catch the urge to █████ ██ █████, ███ ██ █████ ███ █████████ ██ ██, ████ ██████ ██ ████████ ████ ███ ████████ ██ █████, and I realize that I’m iiiinvovling myself in a system of addiction. People are addicted to their phones and I’m a willing participant in that addiction. I’m aiding and abetting the American government in keeping us all on our phones, keeping us all alienated. But it’s a really interesting tension, because ███ ██████ ███ ████████ █████ ██ ██████ ██ ███ ██████ ██’██ ████████ █████, ███’█ ████ ████? █’█ ██████ ██ ██████ ██ ██ ██████ ██ █████ ████ █ ████ ███, ███’█ ████ ████? ███ █ █ ██████ ████████ █████ ██████ ██ █ ██████, ███’█ ██████ █████??? ███ ██’█ █ ██████ █████ █████ ████ ████████ ██ ██████ ███ ███ ███████, █████? ███’█ ██ ██████ ██ ████ ███ ████? But then I really do need to spell out my official position onn..... The grasping was hard with that one. All I need to do is follow the signal ███ ████ ████ ██ ██ ████ █ ██████ █████ █████ ███████. ███████, █’█ ███ ████ ████ ████ ██ ███ ██████ ██ ██ ████. ██ ████ ██ ██████ ██████ ███ ██ ████ ██ ███ █ ████ ██ █████ ████ ███ █████████ ███████ ████, ███ ███████ ██ █████████. ██ █████ █████████, ██ █████ ██ █████████. ██ ██ ████ ██████ ███ █’█ ███████ ██████ ██ ██████, ███ ███ ████ ██ ████ ██ ███ ████ ██ ███ █████ █████, ███ █████ ██████ █████████ ███ ███ █████ ████ ███ ██████ ███’██ ███████ ████ █████ ████ ██ █████████.█. ███ ████ █████’█ ██████ █,,,, ███ ██ ███ █████ ██████ ███ ██████ █████, ███ ███ █████ ████████████ ██ ████ █████ ██ ██████ ████ ███████... ███ ██ ███████ ██████ █████, ███ ███ █████ ██████ ████████████ ██ █████████ ███████ ██ ███████. ████ ████ ████ ██ ███████ ████ █████. ██’██ ███████ ███ ████’██ ██ ████ ██████ ██ ███ ████████████. But jazz has come up a lot in the last twelve or so hours. ██████-████ █ █████ █████ ██ ████ ████████ ██ ████ █████. ████ ██████ ██’█ ███████ ████ ████ █████████ ██ ██████, ███ ██ ██████ ███ ████ ████ ████ ████, ███████ ██ ███████ ██████ ███ ████ █████... ████ █████ ████ ████ ██████ ████ ████ ██ ██ ██ ███ ████’█ ████ █████ ███ ████ ███ █████ █████ █████ ████ ████ █████ ██ █████ ███ ████████████ ████ ████... ███ ███ █████ ██... ███ ███ ████ █████ █████████ ██ ███ █████ ████ ██ █████ █████████ ██ ███ █████ ████████ ███████████ ███████, ██████ ████, ███ █ ███ █ █████ █████ ██ ████ ███ ██ ███ ██████...... █████... ███ ████ ████? █ ███ █ █████.... ██, ████ ███ ████ ████... ███ █████ ████ ███ █████... ███ █████ █████ ███ ███████ ████████ ███ ███ ██████ ███ ███ ████... ███ ███ █████ ████ ████ ████ ██████ ██ ███ ████ █████ ████ █████ ██████ ██ ████ ████████ ██’█ █████████ ███ █████ ██████ ██ ████ ███ ██████. That’s how I interpreted it anyway. But I’m... Where was I going with that before just now, before this, before whatever this digression is? I look up and the spirderweb on the house next to H▒▒▒▒▒ and n▒▒▒’s catches the light in such a waayway as to let me see it.... I see just one long beautiful spinder ewb..... or rather a spider lililisisilskk,, one line of spider silk,, and I can’t looka t it anymore. Ti’s too high up... it’s too high up and the sun is too o bright and it fereflects s bob eautifully off the slk, and... There again was the urge to check my texts... to check, just to check, just to check, just to check, not to repsopodn,jst totooo check, just to check. And you see how sending a text is not only possibly harmful to the other person as I force them to you know collapse themselves in to a particle and send that particle to me, but it’s also deleterious to my own state of mind... it also makes me watnt otog et into this obsessive compulseive adajacent mode in which I’m looking and looking and wanting to thceck and wanting to check and then I’m thinking things like should I have even sent the text to begin whiththh have i starte da conversation ican’t even finish, what have I done, have I done anything, si this thi anything, am I just bored, is it just Sunday, have I just reached the logciail end of all points that can be covered in wiritng, am I just now floundering, is this just like some bullshit? harm nad I wonder about the philosophy of texting, and I also wonder whether thannnnn... wehrhtehr there can be one concrete discrete philosophy of texting, or whategher texting has complexity that makes it multifacteted and whether there might be... Bu thten what would buddha do in this situation, I doubt he would ████ █ ████ ████ ████ ███ █ ████.. █ ████ ███ █████ ███ ███ ████ ████ ██ ████. █ █████ ██ █████ ████ ███ ███ ███████████, ██ ████ ██ █████ ██ █ ██████. ███████████████...... ████ ████... ████ ████? ██ █ ███████████ ██████ █████ ███ ███ ████████ █ ████ ██ ███ ███ I keep having dreams about? I think having dreams about ███████ ██ ████████████ ███ █ ████ ██ ██ █████ ██ █████████. █’█ ███ █████ ██ ████ ███ ██████ ████████ ██ ████ █████ ████████ ██████ ███████ ████████ ███████ ████ ████ ██ ████ ███████ ██ ███ ████████ ███████. ███ ███ ████ █’█ ████████ █████ ███, at least, implicitly... But it feels bad to be thinking about this too much, to be almost calculating it. I’m not a calculating person although at my worst yes I absolttuely am. I tend to be calculating when in reality I shthosutosutoiehstilsg... I tend to be calculating, it’s why I have that calculator watch,a d nd dd ddd eopeoel don t’t really get that sbout me. They’re like why do you have a calculator watch,a dn I never realized that it migh be becase u aim calculating. I have the urge to tcheck the texts again. And at someeoee point one of these points, I’m going to actually check the damn phone and see if there’s a message or not. And one of teseh times, there is going to be a text back, and then I’m going to read it and then I’m goig tod decide what to do with it. But let’s keep in mind that ███ █████ ████ ████ █ ██████ ███████ ████ ██████ ███ █████████ ███ █████ ███ █████, ████ ████ ████████, ██ ██ ████ ██ ████.. ███ ████... █ ████ ██████ ███ █████████ ████ ██████ ████ ██ ███ ██████ ███ ██ ███ ███ ██ ███ ██ ██ ██ █████████████ █████████ ████, █████ ██ ███████, ███ █████ ███’█ ███ ███’█ ██████ ████ ████████ ████, █████ ████ ██████ ██ ██ █ ████ ██ ████ █████ █████ ██’█ ████ █████..... ████ ██ ████ ████ ████ ███████ ██ ███ █████ █████? Let me take somewater. Twinkle twinkle Patrick star.. █ ████ ██████ ████ █████████... ████████? █ ████ ██.... ███ █████ █████ ██ ████.. ██ ████ ████’█ ███ ██ ███ █████... ████ ████ ██ █ ████ █ ████████ ████ ████. ███ █████████ ████████ ███... ███ ████ ██ ███ ███████ ██ ██ ████ ███ ███ █████ ██ ███████.█ █ ████... █’█ ████ ████ █’█ █████ ████ ██ ████ ████████████ █ ████ ████████████ ████████ █████ ██████ ██ ███, ███’█ ████? ███’█ ████ ████ █’█ █████, ██ ██ ██... ██ ██ ██? █’█ ████ ████... ██ ██████ ██ ████ ████ ███ █████ ██████████.. █ ██████ ████ ███ ████. █████ ████’█ ███ █ ██████’██ ██████. █ ███ █ █████ ██████ ████ ███ ███ █ █████ ███████. But that’s so clearly like som bullshit that it’ sjust not.... It’ sjust not... it’s... But then there’s you overthinking again ant. ██ ████’█ ██████ ██████ █████ ███████ ███ ███ ████ ██ █████ ████ ██████████.█.... █ ‘███... ████ ███ ██’█ ████ ███████ ████.... ██’█ ██████████ ███ █████ ████████ ███ ██ █ ████ ███ ███ █ ███ █ █████ ██ ████ ████████ █ ████████ ████ ████ ██ █████ ████ █████ ██ ██ █ █████ ███ ███ █ █████ ██████ ███ █ ███████ ██ ███ ██████ ███. █████ ████ █ ███’█ █████ █████ ████ ██ ████ █████ ██████ █████ ████ ███ ███ ████ ███████████, so I withheld them. But who am I to judge? Who am I to judge? Also, what’s the protocol on ███████...... ██████ ████ ███’██ ███ ██████ █████ ████? ██ ████ ████ ████ ████ ████████ ██ ███ ██████..... ██ ███ ███ ████ ████ ███ ███ █ █████ ██ ███, ██ ███ ████ ███ ███ ███’█ ██ █████ ███████? ████ █████ ██.... ████████? ██’█ ████... ███ ███ ████ ██████ ███ ███ ██████ ██████ ███ █████ ██ ████████ █████████, ███ ██ ████ ███ ████ ██ █████ ██████ ███ ████... it can also just be open ended! Certainly there is something to say about Oregon. █ █████ ████ ██ ███ ███ ███ ██████ ███ ███████ █’█ ████ ██ ███████████ ██ ██████ ████████.... ██ ████████ █ ████ ████ ██ ██████.. █’█ ████ ██ ████████ ███ ██████ ██ ████ ████ ████ █ ████ ████, ███ ████ ████ ██ ██ ███████ ████ ████ █ █████, ██ ███ ███ ██ ████,█ ‘████ ████ ████ ██ ███... ██’██ ████ ████ ██ ███. █ ███ ███████ █████ ██ ███ █’█ ███████████ █ ███ ██ ████ ████ ████ ███ █████████ ████ ████████. █ ████ ██ ██ ██ ███ ████ █ ███ to be in a permanent flow state and see where it gets me... so that’s what I’m going to continue to do. Meanwhile the ████████████ ███ ██ ████████ ███ ███████ ██ ████ ████ ████ ██ ███████ ████████, ███ ██████ ████ █████ ███ ███ ██████████ █████ ██ ████████, ████ ██████ █ ███████ ████████ ████ ██, ███ ███ ████ █ ████ ███ ███ ██████ ███ ████ ███ ███████ ██ ████. █’█ ███ █████ ██ ██ ██! I’m not going to provide it to them, I’m just not going to provide it. But this chaplaincy thing... and what I was going ot say when I bourgh t up oreogn...w as ████ █████ █████ ██ █████████ ██ ████ ██████ █████, ████ █████ ██████ █████... .███’█ ███████ ████’█ ██████ ███ ███████ ██ ██████. █ █████ ███ ██ ███ █████, ██████, ████ ██ ██ ██████ ████ ████████ ███████ ████ ███ ███████ ████ █████ █████ ██████ ██████. ████████ ████ ██ ███ █████ ████████ ███ ███. ███████, ████ ██████ ██ ██ █████ ███ █████, i was really doing htat shit. It must take a lot of creativity and premeditation to be █ ████ ███████ ████ ████. █ ██████ ████ ██ █ ███, ███ █ █████ ████ ███ ████ ███ ████████ ████. ███ ███ ██████████ ██ ████ ███████ ████ █’█ █████████ ██ █████ ██, ██ ████████ ████. ██ ██ ████████ ████ ████ █’█ █████████ ████ ███ ████ ██████████ █████.. ██’█ ███████ ███████ ████ ██ █████’ ███ ██ ███ ██████████, ████ ███ ███ ███████ ████ █ ████ ██ ████ ██ █ ██████... █ ██ ██ █████ ██ ███ ███. The urge to check texts just came back. ██ ██████ ██ ███ ████ ███ ███████ ███████ ██ █ ██████,█ ███ ███ █ ████████ ██ █████ ███. ██████, ███ ████ █ ████████ ██ ██ ███ ████ ██ ███ ██████████████. I also want to ██████ █████ ██ ██████ ██████ █ █████ ████ █████. █ ████ ██ █████ ████ ████ ████ ████ ██ ██ ████ ███ █ ████ ██ ██████ ██ ███ ███ ████ ████ ████ ███ ████████ ████ ██ ███ ██ ███ ████. █ ████ ██ ███ ██ █████... █ ████ ██ ███ ████ ███ ██████ ███ ██████ ███ █████ ██ ██████ ████... ████ ███ ██ ████████ ██ ██████ ███ ███████... And on that note I really ought to get out of here... ███ ████ █████ ███ ██████... ███ ████ █████ ██ ███ ███ ██ ████ █████████ ███ ███ ████ ████...█ ██ ███, ███ ████.... ███. ███ ███. █ ████ ██ ███ ███ ██ ████. █ ███’█ ████ ██ ████ ████ ████ ███... █ ███’█ ████ ██ ████ ███... █ ████ ████’█ ████ ███ █████, ██ ██ ██████ ██████ ████ ██ ██ ██ █ ███████ ████ █████ █████ ███ ████ ████ ████ █ ███ ██ ███████ ███████, █████ █’█ ████ ████ ██ ███ ███████ █ █████... █ █████ █ ████ █ ███████ ███, ███ █ ███ ████ ████ █ █████████ ███... ███ ██ █████ ████████ █ ███ ███ ████ ████████ ███████ ████ ██ █ ███ ████ ███████.. But this is premedtiaiton, and premeditation is grasping. stop that I can really do whatever the moment calls me to do in each specific moment. Right now for example,,, I wonder if the moment is asking me to eat some breakfast. I feel that it’s trying to pull me away from the writing, at least... that much I feel to be true... that I’m being somewhat pulled away from the writing. Do you agree? I do happen to agree. I think I’m getting pulled away from it... so let’s get pulled away... But then I feel this swelling of stress hormones in my chest that tell me, oh an event boundary, sounds like the perfect opportunity to check your phone, right? But I’m going to resist that temptation, I’m going to resist it further... but that’s avoidance. I’ll just let myself check fuck it I’ll let myself check. It’s a natural stopping point. Let’s go.... Let’s just go.