it’s all right, you were dancing through the lightning strike.

grift i hate that taylor released opalite as a single because it got me to get it stuck in my head. the thing with her grifty marketing is that it actually works. now opalite is probably going to go number one. it’s getting really hard to support her. also is she just going to ignore reputation tv and debut as well, is she going to call it quits on those?

it doesn’t matter lol like who really cares anyway?

it’s a real weird sickness that we have a s a society when it comes to higher ed. i know that iv’e benefited a great deal from it, and... is that even true, AH? have you benefited from higher education? like yeah, i’m sure you’ve learned certain skills and had certain experiences that “make you a better person,” but think also of all the time and money that you have spent on this place. it’s the most expensive thing i’ve ever bought, and now it’s inside of me, and i have no legitimacy in the world around me to show for any of it.

what i would really like to do is somehow bring higher education to lower education. be a substitute teacher who brings dostoevsky to the people. i want to bring things that seem far away and distant, down to the level of high schoolers. i want to bring higher education into public schools. i want to embezzle all this knowledge from this big institution and bring it to the local level and teach the kiddos. i want to read homer with them.

yeah it is life is a song, it ends when it ends, you move on. that is the one good lyric from opalite. the rest of the song is fucking stupid in my opinion. especially the chorus, the melody of the chorus is almost offensively upbeat and positive.

let me drink some water because i’ve been having dry skin and i don’t believe in exogenous moisturizing anymore. i believe in putting water into the system and letting the system distribute the water where it needs to go. the body knows best.

right now i’m wearing the scrubs they gave us as first-years, the ones we all wore in the cadaver lab. well, we didn’t all wear them, because even back then there were some tryhards who had already bought their own scrubs. i was like... damn, really, scrubs? we’re really getting scrubs already? what are you guys even going to use them for? i understand it now, of course, i understand, and now i’m here in this clinical setting... i’m going to the damn emergency room to independently scan people... .and look for abnormalities and shit... just like.... wow.

the mental illness of being asked so constantly what i’m doing in the future is not lost on me, not now and not ever. sometimes, though, the problem is it’s so easy to accept and internalize that mode of thinking, that i ought to know what happens next after med school. do we not know that it’s february right now, sisters? it’s fucking february. i still got a whole lot of shit coming up, you know? let’s not think i’m just sitting around doing nothing and waiting until graduation to happen and i’m going to be caught off guard, oblivious to it all when it comes around.... let’s not delude ourselves into thinking that way, if you please, if you may be quite frank, and if i myself may also be quite frank.

there may come a time in the future when i go back to school, but that’s not happening this year. i’m going to find other ways to engage myself this year. i’ll find it, don’t worry about that, don’t even worry about it for a second. i’m going to find it.

i’m still going to have this ability to work hard and grind and set my mind to things, so i’ll be doing that as well.

what they forget is that we could all, all of us, die at any moment. especially in this precarious state of things.

in any case, i think now is the time to get going. hit the road, jack, as they say, and don’t you come back, as they also say.