Oh, i’m so
today. It’s feeling a little difficult to get myself in the happy-go-lucky mood that i’ve sort of curated for this rotation. i’m not really interested in talking to anyone or being friendly or anything like that. i just don’t feel like it’s in me. Today might be one of those days. i feel like i need to cry or something. I can’t quite tell why, but i do feel like something is off emotionally.
Whatever, though.
Y--- looked at me and was like 'today we’re going to talk about replacing this IV,' and was smiling and i couldn’t find any kind of witty response like 'can’t wait,' not even a 'can’t wait.' I couldn’t even muster something simple like that. I couldn’t find it in me. I think it’s that one extra hour of missing sleep. Just that one hour, i think, has had all these effects on me.
But it’s also showing me how well I was doing previously. Like, damn, last week i really did a great job showing up with a good mood and greeting people and shit, but now i’m starting to feel what C------- might call 'fried.' i think the fry is happening.
I just cracked a smile at the E---- and C------- dynamic. E---- starting to leave and stuff.... While he’s still talking. Okay. It’s like social contagion coming in. That saves the day: other people being in a good mood.
It’s going to be fine. It’s
I’m still waking up. Go forth.
later