I’m back because i’m realizing how much time i have until the next thing. So i might as well just
and start writing, you know?
Like in that pinkpantheress song. I don’t know what song it is. She should just name her songs what the most catchy line is. That song should be called 'let it all go,' for example. And the other ones. Who knows what else i'm even talking about.
But yeah, pinkpantheress is really cool, and i thought i might’ve been seeing her from a distance last night in [neighborhood], but i was not seeing her from a distance. It was someone else. But that is still an exciting thing, to think it might possibly be pinkpantheress in front of you there. But i suppose she’s the level of famous which would require her to be in hiding. She would probably have to be wearing a
and a mask and shit, and put away that gorgeous brown hair—chestnut i wanna say might be the color.
I am thinking of getting real furniture for my apartment now. It would just be nice to have a couch at least. So yeah, that’s what’s on my mind. Getting a couch and maybe possibly getting a lamp, although i do enjoy having to go down with the sun. Why be so unnatural as to put on some artifical lighting once the sun has gone down? Once winter starts coming closer, i might be needing and wanting some light, though.
Isn’t it crazy that by the time i’m done working for the year, it will be november first? i suppose that’s preferable to what was happening last year. i was working up til the end of the year, basically. Oh, that is bringing back some real serious nostalgia: being in that house while it was cold outside, bringing my extra articles to the dumpster, feeling guilty about throwing away things like towels and my pillow, the one from mom’s side of the bed back in [hometown]. [hometown] has been coming into my consciousness more lately.
I wonder if the reason i’m feeling so hard getting started today is my lack of weed at home. i wonder if that actually changes me in any small ways. And also yesterday being the first day in a few days that i didn’t smoke, it could be some withdrawal irritability hitting me right now. Though it feels more like emotional, like i’m on the rag or something. But then... haha it makes me think of when i was in high school when i would be on my period every friday and everyone kind of knew about it. I wonder what that was about. It was mostly funny just like 'haha guys i'm on my period today,' though it was no laughing matter cuz i was just a bitch.
It’s funny, though, not in the haha-funny way, just in the huh-life-is-funny way. i was in high school and on fridays i would be pissed off for some reason. Maybe i was just burnt out.
Funny, also, how i feel like high school was harder and more intense than this rotation is. This rotation has me doing not much. I have a few little dinky responsibilities, but i certainly am not taking any tests, and that’s a blessing. Let’s think about that for a moment: i’m not required to take any tests this time around. I don't need to take tests, and i don’t have homework, and i don’t even have anything like quizzes. i guess the closest i get to that kind of thing is on rounds when i have to know about these babies. But truly, this part of med school is highly different from any other form of education i’ve received. This is no longer classroom stuff. This is
The fucking goddamn baby had to get her ostomy losses repleted on saturday. God dammit, baby! Not blaming the baby. I’m blaming the doctors. What the hell are we doing, guys. She was supposed to go home the first day i worked here. Well, not supposed to, but we’d been talking about discharging her since that time. Whatever,
it’s fine.
I realize that my ability to complain lightly about the work is what allows me to survive. If i didn't have the ability to write about things, then i think this might be a much more difficult rotation, if only emotionally. i wouldn’t be able to process all the crazy shit that i’m seeing.
'The strongest steel is forged in the fire of a dumpster.' Oh my god, bro, these medical professionals are literally obsessed with the idea of a dumpster fire. It’s actually kind of insane. That quote i just saw on H-----, the visiting resident’s pen. At least it’s more poetic. I think it’s quite innovative, actually... but shit, it’s sad. It’s another in a long line of sad things about the whole medical thing.
M------ saying that someone called her for an emergency: the baby's arm was pale. When she got there, the baby was laying on his arm... and then he turned over, and it went back to pink. And then she left. lol.
later