but hey a lot's gonna change in your life

days ago i have to remind myself of things like this when i read something i wrote two days ago and there is a song mentioned which is just so of the previous time before i met my new man

and i know i fumbled in some way this little text that i sent him to ask to go on a date, i know i approached it too coolly i did it too cool i’m not that cool and when i act cool i insult both of us i really do so let me take a step back from it and identify what went wrong

idk what did frankly i think i wanted to not text him but no i did decide on texting him at first, i was just deciding to put it off, and i was like wouldn’t it be better to...... well in short it’s true actually that i did decide on the course of action i ended up taking

and it'sssssssss like the overthinking is just not serving anyone and it’s frankly useless

refocus instead i should be thinking of how we can take on this colonial world together

eat that pussy eat that pussy eat that pussy eat that ass eat that pussy eat that ass eat that pussy eat that ass

those lryics are going to be prophetic i’m sure but we don’t have to get into the gory details of gay loving

we don’t have to talk about how ass might be on the menu in my future

his face comes back to me. just when you thought you forgot what he looks like, he comes back to you in the touch and in the sight and in the smell and the feeling and to a lesser extent the taste but i suppose you can taste the skin and the mucous membranes i suppose that’s true

lifetime ago and the laughs

and really the lips is where i feel it the most

i feel it mostly in the lips, this connection we have

but yes i’m uhhhh freaking out over it because that’s something that’s fun to do

still and the resolution and lesson learned from this evening was that yes it's still the damn screens yes they are still the main fucking problem and yes if i can avoid them i think i’ll find some kind of something

and this weird signal of a bat’s eye looking straight at me from straight in my center field of vision

but i think about m--- i’m just like picturing him and i’m imagining him and i’m getting my heart swell over it and just feeling like....... i’m feeling a lot and i’m feeling hard about it

but ummmm it’s all right i know it’s all right

it’s clear from our interaction that you're just going straight home after school

it's like maybe you don't want to be mysterious but then i don't believe it when you act all mysterious like that

we gotta catch glimpses of you through the chain link fence and even then you walk so fast and with such a clear seeming sense of purpose that when we look at you we only see you as an automaton

and i guess in some ways i am….. ii'mmmm familiar and comfortable with people. you have to be.. was there pressure to something? i’m like your dadd, okay let’s do it

i feel i'm running out of gas in the tank

i’m likssdlm