nothing more to tolerate

other than... you know, existence. i want to talk about capitalism... and how it really is at the root... and how dualism is even deeper than that. i was pissed off yesterday when our commencement speaker was talking about enlightenment and brought up rene descartes. descartes? enlightened? holy fuck dude you lost all credibility as soon as you said that man’s name. granted, the anti-dualism perspective is one of my more schizophrenic takes, but i swear to god i’m going to die on this hill. i’m going to die on this hill!!! that we need to eliminate dualism if we ever want to have any hope of anything. like any fucking thing, bro. we can’t have dualism anymore. we have to fucking destroy it. we have got to dget rid of it. and i was watching this youtube video about the gambling epidemic... and yes i reinstalled youtube while sitting on the toilet earlier,... because i simply neeeded it. it’s something for my brain to brush up against... and it did inspire me to think in these capitalistic terms here... like hmm... gambling is becoming a huge problem, and the way i seee it is that we are all getting so just like fucking complacent and nonchalant with how we spend money. holy fuck dude. it’s some real behavioral sink shit... like wow guys. we are really so fucked... there is so much abundance that we are throwing all our money away, succcumbing to bankruptcy and then suicide all because we live in this behavioral sink. i think this behavioral sink is a downstream effect of capitlaisism.. right? i think... or perhaps things like downstream and upstream are dualistic and are themselves products of something larger... something underlying.. but then the underlying thing.... implies an overlying, which again is dualistic trash. i think ultimately i neeed to conitnue training myself to think against dualism. i think dualism has got to fucking die. we have to kill it, all of us, we all have to fucking kill dualism. i’m over it, i’m sick of it. i’m not willing to put up with any more of it. but it’s so very baked into everything that is... everything that is. it’s so baked into everything about our society. i think i ought to go to asia or some shit... somewhere it’s not so dualistic... just to see about it... but i don’t belong there, i know i don’t. i know i don’t belong anywhere, though. so where does that put us? where does it leave us? there are certain restrictions that i place on myself. certain restrictions, things that i’m not willing to do. one of them is traveling, i think. i’m not really willing to travel to asia because it’s such a colonial move. but uhhhh yeah. i’m just hmmm, you know?

i’m just hmmm.

later