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graduation day .

i’ve been looking forward to this one for four years now. the whole four years, most of the four years, this thing was looming ahead in the future as the thng that would make it all worth it. and i do feel that it’s.... well, do i? do i feel that med school was worth it? that feels like a big question. right now my answer is yes. think of all the relationships, the beautiful relationships that got started and continued, you know what i mean? think of all of them that deepened the longer i stayed in this system and the more i realized it wasn’t for me. and think now of this md after my name which they can never take away. b▒▒ himself today said something prophetic as is usual for him..... "the best kind of happiness is relief" or something, steel magnolias, dolly parton..... something about relief being the best kind of happiness. it was cool for ▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒ to meet b▒▒ and m▒▒▒▒, it was just cool. it was cool for them all to meet and talk about who knows what. you know, just letting people interact with one another. it was an extremely sweaty day in that thing... it was so warm out, but now i have the window open, and it’s letting in a nice cool breeze. i got flowers as well. some from my family and then some waiting for me when i got home from s▒▒▒▒▒ and her family. sweet of them. shoutout to everyone who’s celebrating with me on this day. that’s cool of you guys. there are some real ass bitches out there. e▒▒▒ is one. she’s real as fuck. i love her down. she’s like.... just real as fuck. life goes on, and we get reabsorbed with the same old petty same old same bullshit. i’m juuuuuuuuuuust not interested in going to the party. i’m not interested in doing anything anymore that is not of interest to me. i’m not going to do anything or go to anything that has poseurs involved if i can help it, and i’m afraid bushwick reeks of poseurs. what’s with all this negativity. i’m sure in some part it’s due to this weird meningitis feeling i’ve got. like the neck stiffness of it all. the headache of it all. had diarrhea earlier and just like farting in a way that was absolutely fucking atrocious. who knows what the fuck is even going on with me today, but one thing is for sure, and that is that i watched the survivor finale with the family. and now, just like that, it’s all over, and we’re left to wonder, huh, did we really just put so much time into watching that? but the main focus of survivor, i think, is to pass the time of the people on the couch, right? is that fair to say? maybe it’s not fair. maybe it’s unfair. what do i even have going on right now? i’m just going to sleep in the same old uncomfortable as fuck bed and get even more neck stiffness and more worsening of symptoms.... or, who knows. who really does know, you know? anyways... ▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒, you’re so fucking fine. you’re so sexy to me and i would just.... i would love for the chance to, you know... break me off a piece of that. i was just.... i was being normal around him, but i can’t help but let a little werid slip out every now and then. him saying let’s hang out... i saw a new kind of earnestness in his gaze that i don’t think i’d seen before. but it’s... again, i’m sort of already over him.... but who knows what MAYYYYY happen. i’m not beating myself up with hope. i’ve already killed the part of me that cringes, patient HM stye, so i don’t have the ability anymore. hello, everyone, i’m patient AH, and i have lost the ability to cringe. cringe! i really do believe in this. there’s nothing someone could do to me that would stopppppp......... that would me.......... is this just about seeing how much we can trigger her? i’m not sure what we can even do here anyomre. like that was a little bizarre and by the end i’m like okay why do i feel like you’re about to leave with my homegirl and not me? and this was just supposed to be something cute for the insta story....................................... he showed man, i spoooooked myself with how close i was to sleeping. picturing ▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒ and shit.... go;ooooo\b sleep, wake