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graduation day .

i’ve been looking forward to this one for four years now. the whole four years, most of the four years, this thing was looming ahead in the future as the thng that would make it all worth it. and i do feel that it’s.... well, do i? do i feel that med school was worth it? that feels like a big question. right now my answer is yes. think of all the relationships, the beautiful relationships that got started and continued, you know what i mean? think of all of them that deepened the longer i stayed in this system. and think now of this md after my name which they can never take away. b▒▒ himself today said something prophetic as is usual for him..... "the best kind of happiness is relief" or something, steel magnolias, dolly parton..... it was cool for ▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒▒ to meet b▒▒ and m▒▒▒▒, it was just cool. it was cool for them all to meet and talk about who knows what. you know, just letting people interact with one another. it was an extremely sweaty day in that thing... it was so warm out, but now i have the window open, and it’s letting in a nice cool breeze. i got flowers as well. some from my family and then some waiting for me when i got home from s▒▒▒▒▒ and her family. sweet of them. shoutout to everyone who’s celebrating with me on this day. that’s cool of you guys. there are some real ass bitches out there. e▒▒▒ is one. she’s real as fuck. i love her down. she’s like.... just real as fuck. life life goes on, and we get reabsorbed with the same old petty same old same bullshit. i’m juuuuuuuuuuust not interested in going to the party. i’m not interested in doing anything anymore that is not of interest to me. i’m not going to do anything or go to anything that has poseurs involved if i can help it, and i’m afraid bushwick reeks of poseurs. what’s with all this negativity. i’m sure in some part it’s due to this weird meningitis feeling i’ve got. the neck stiffness of it all. the headache of it all. who knows what is going on with me today. i’m going to sleep in the same old bed. i was just.... i was being normal around him, but i can’t help but let a little werid slip out every now and then. i’ve already killed the part of me that cringes, patient H.M. stye, so i don’t have the ability anymore. hello, everyone, i’m patient A.H., and i have lost the ability to cringe. cringe! i really do believe in this. there’s nothing someone could do to me that would stopppppp......... me.......... sleep, wake months later