11:11

cunt cu cu cunt cu cunt cunt BOW!!! driving myself a little insane. my eye twitched as i was writing that. so now we are able to return to the present moment, and... i can really return to the moment all the time... man. fuck dude. it’s just.... fuck. it’s just, fuck. you know what i mean? i’m not even sure how else to really put it. i’m still.... i just... the point is i want to come home i want there to be someone soft and sweet and sensitive and self aware and emotionally intelligent andddddd comforting and grounding there for me when i get home. mind you i don’t need a fucking man lmfao. it would just be nice. it would just be nice, okay!!! that’s all... it would just be fucking nice!!!! man, imagine if we.... no more .... no more self indulgent prospections which will only do me harm. i was thinking about the magic of theater once again. giving us something to safely talk about when there is such a massive elephant in the room. we can talk about theater..... that’s also a pitfall of theater, i suppose, is how distracting it is. but whatever. i’m not mad about it. sometimes you need comedy. but the point i think i was about to make is that theater isssss... there’s a pitfall to entertainment, and it’s pretty much just the whole bread and circuses thing. it’s a really sophisticated way of keeping us distracted from the horrors that are happening on a daily basis. like gotdamn!!! holy fuck bud... goddamn. like.... lol. like this is the reality you know? all these distractions, and there’s so much..... else going on. there are people who don’t have a place to go lay their head this evening. they’ll have to support their head with their own fucking skeleton... because they gotta be sitting down. FUCK dude. what kind of biological adaptations have to be made to sleep on a subway platform? can’t even go outside and sleep on the grass? anywhere outside to sleeep? at least back in the day they had... we need to just add grass to the subway... FUCK. the homelessness problem is fucking insane dude. and what is the solution? more broadway shows? trying to make it in showbiz? what the fuck are you talking about? theater is nice, but then you look at the audience and see it’s just fullll of fuckasss rich white people who are using this to distract them from their micro conflicts which they spin up into entire psychodramas which occupy their entire attention spans for hours on end... we just need to use less-hard materials so that people can lie down anywhere... we just need grass and dirt.... we just need grass and dirt. of course this would just invite all kinds of wildlife into the mix, and then you might as well just be outside... th problem is... we are up against so very much. we’re up against a lot in this bitch of a city... up against an uncaring legistlalture... nobody fucking cares about homeless people like at all. nobody cares about them, point blank and the period. at the level of the city, but also at a federal level, there’s a sense of complete and total uncaringess for that population. what is to be done? is there anything to be done? i could be dying right now. i got that headache which hasn’t really gone away today..... it’s probably a tension headache. i’m holding a lot of tension right now. micro eye twitches happening beneath my eyes, even when the lids are closed.... and then the straight up DUMP of diarrhea... you know, i need to go drink some more damn coconut water. i’m sure that’ll help the headache and replenish some of my electrolytes that i’m losing through the diarrhea. potassium comes to mind. i was reminding myself that potassium is lost through diarrhea this morning on my way to the store. it caused me to buy a banana, just one, and the coconut water, of which one serving will bring ten percent of your daily recommended potassium... yeah. the banaana was fifteen cents. that seems like not a bad deal to me. granted it was sorta tiny, but i think it was organic? but really who’s to say. the point is.... a banana for fifteen cents. just putting it out there. i think posterity might look back on that in a certain way. a fifteen-cent banna. the type of thing that in the moment you can’t really comprehend the meaning of, but once time starts to accumulate, it’ll start to be like oh shit they were really paying fifteen cents for one banana. see, i can’t even understand the perspective of that sentence. what's the tone of the statement? are you thinking it’s like too little to be paying for a banana? too much, somehow? inflation has stopped and reversed in the future? or something else entirely? the concept of paying money for fruit will be crazy in the future. the very concept of money will be crazy in the future. they’ll wonder why and how we ever did things this way. god willing. i hope that someday they will look back on capitalism and think of it as a cruel joke. we can only hope. and the thing is, we can’t ONLY hope. there’s plenty else we can do. because it’s not like i’m just a passive observer in this life. every interaction i have... it changes the world, it really does...