i see an ant
on this picnic table. it’s got a pretty big head, all things considered. the ant, i mean. not the picnic table.
it (the ant) ran all the way across my keyboard in a few seconds flat.
does it only have one antenna? i need to get a better look.
only one antenna.
what are the implications of having one antenna?
is it like being blind in one eye?
more consequential?
maybe it’s like having one kidney.
the ant seems to be finding a good enough way
without the other antenna.
but then,
it is all alone,
and aren’t ants social creatures?
where is your colony, little buddy?
are you having trouble finding them,
what with your solo antenna?
i’m not sure what could be the implications
of such a disability, or whether we ought to
even consider it a disability.
but then, look at it.
the erratic way it’s walking———
oh.
that’s not the same ant.
oh.
that's
not an ant at all.
it's a pseudo-ant,
doing some kind of dance.
it’s more arachnoid than ant-like.
it’s not an ant.
not even an insect.
it’s only mimicking an ant’s appearance.
i wonder if this is one of those spiders
that mimics ants for some sinister purpose.
but where's...
oh, there’s the ant with one antenna.
here it comes, running back to me.
it reminds me of those pigeons with one leg.
always a sad sight,
but maybe it doesn’t have to be sad.
maybe it’s fine.
maybe it’s like missing a kidney.
earlier
the problem
with having only one kidney is that, if something should happen to your solitary kidney, you’re fucked. it’s the double-hit hypothesis. it’s okay to take one hit to a tumor suppressor gene, because you have two alleles, but once you get that second hit, you got cancer, my friend.
the ant is still pacing back and forth.
seems to be looking for something.
i’m not sure how to help it, or whether my help is something it would even take if i offered it.
i offered it.
i extended a little stick in the ant's direction three times. the first two times, it got on and then right back off to the picnic table. the third time, i provided some directive counseling: you will go on the ground. i brought the stick to the ground, and the ant disembarked onto the pavement. i watched it for a minute or two after that, and then i thought of samuel beckett.
now the ant is somewhere in the grass. a better place for ants, in my opinion.
rest in peace
samuel beckett. i’m sure you loved watching ants. they do nothing all the time. nothing happens every time you watch the ants.
but then, nothing is such a minimizing word.
you can call it nothing,
but then what would something even look like?
“something” means excitement——life-altering consequences——people being pushed to brinks——near death experiences.
but what about all the other times in life?
what about the ant with one antenna walking in the grass?
i wish i had a guardian angel
who would lift me up, out
of the concrete jungles of the world,
and drop me closer to the grassy terrain.
but i suppose i’m the guardian angel.
i have a complex enough nervous system
to pick myself up and deposit myself
somewhere else.
i’m still at the same picnic table where the ant once paced alongside the impostor ant.
the picnic table is in a field.
the field is next to a forest.
i'm looking at the trees,
feeling the sun on my skin.
isn’t that what it’s all about?
i look back
to the parking lot where my car is parked, and i see a semi-truck carrying no less than one two three four five six seven eight nine cars. i never could understand how they do that. but then, ants carry things nine times their weight all the time. more, even——right? i’m not sure about that fact. that one never interested me much. it’s usually the first thing people tell me when i tell them i like ants. they’re like, “yeah, it’s cool how they can lift so many times their body weight.” i just nod: “yeah it is cool.” but i've never been impressed by acts of physical prowess like that.
maybe i should be more impressed. admittedly, controlling one's local physics is important, even on a biochemical level. tightly controlled gradients of potassium and sodium are the basis for action potential firing, and action potentials are the basis for our internal guardian angels to pick us up and drop us places. inhibitions and excitations based on a gradient of ions across fields. physics at the level of the cell. this is how life is maintained: through minute control over hyperlocal physics.
so then, yes, i guess it is impressive that a semi-truck could carry nine cars, and i guess it is also impressive that an ant could carry however many times its body weight——someone fact check that please. jamie, pull that up. shoutout barndoors. funny ass guy.
there’s a new ant on the picnic table.
this one has two antennae.
should i escort it down to the ground as well?
i sigh,
knowing that i can’t escort every ant
to the ground.
besides, an ant with two antennae
is already blessed enough,
and sometimes it’s better to just sit there.
yup
later