I’m sitting in the on-call room feeling this low-level, baseline anxiety.
C--- told me that i should follow two patients during my time here, which feels like a good compromise between expectations (three) and bare minimum (one). In reality, I think it would be nicer to follow zero patients. Follow as in crunch their numbers at the beginning of the day and read off the piece of paper during rounds. Idk man. Idk man. Idk man. I just sort of....
Then C--- asked me what my goals are for this rotation. My true answer is just to survive. It would also be nice to talk to families and be there with the newborns when possible, and also to help out the residents, because their job sucks. I told him all of those things, aside from the “i just want to survive” thing, and I felt a tepid response from him. i’m not sure what to make of him just yet. I feel like our rapport should be stronger given that he's friends with my friend, but.... Huh. i don’t know, actually. I guess I had taken for granted that i would LOVE him because A-- told me I would, but I guess I can’t take things like that for granted and stuff........