If enlightenment is life’s purpose, and it’s not just survival and production, then

You gotta have something to give up in order to give it up and feel the loss.

Shoutout to all the people who have a few more lifetimes to go. Don’t worry. Give it a shot anyway. You’ll land somewhere better next time. It carries over, I swear!

Rediscovering Buddhism and finding it so... much... like... I’m just finding it so... so... much. I find it so much.

It’s a good thing to find. I feel lucky. All signs point toward it, once again.

Everything is a middle way. According to math, the distance between the arrow and the bullseye gets cut in half over and over as the arrow flies. Mathematically, it must never actually pierce the apple, only get 50% closer with each unit of time. I keep remembering the derivatives-arrow, so it must be something. There’s just the one pesky matter of time in between me and the true meaning.

I’m eating beans, if things like that even matter to you.

damn i forgot

I was reflecting earlier on how foreign the concept of selflessness (anattā) felt when I discovered it. I wish I had documented my discoveries and impressions as they happened.

But they're still happening now, aren’t they? The key is in my hand. Everything started right now. And right now.

(You just lost one, you just lost one.)

It all starts right now. It all starts right now. It all starts right now. It all starts right now. It all starts right now. It all starts right now. It all starts right now. It all starts right now.

This is the first moment of the rest of my life, as usual.

The self exists nowhere and everywhere. Undeniably, there is something there when I look at the mirror—a seed, a nidus, a something that is me. It’s not what I think, maybe, but it’s certainly something. And that something must exist in every single one of my cells, mustn't it? All of us, united toward goals and trying to get organized behind a purpose. We’re still looking for it.

Look at the red light of the TV, how it’s on all the time. Whether the TV is off or on, it’s red.

Meditation is just being crazy with extra steps.

No, this is a tradition that has gone on far longer than I have, and even longer than this common era that we find ourselves in. Five centuries BCE is when the Buddha came, and that was because there had been a lot of surrering before that, and people not knowing what the fuck was going on. The people manifested him out of a pure need and desire.

Crazy how long time has been going. Like, there was fully an emperor-king at that time who gave birth to the Buddha himself, named Siddhartha Gautama, the one who succeeds or whatever his name means. An emperor-king? Those must've been the days.

This here is the perfect rebirth. I can’t fuck this up. It would be so disappointing to all the lives in the past who committed extraordinary acts for me to get where I am. All the things I did back in the day led here.