everybody rise!

weeks ago A toast to that invincible bunch, the dinosaur surviving the crunch, let’s hear it for the ladies who lunch, everybody rise. Rise. Rise. Rise. Rise. It’s sunny out but also chilly. It reminds me of fall. It reminds me of being in Potsdam in the fall time. I was not depressed at that point in my life, as far as I can remember. I was sort of just living my life, and I was also living that life. I was not sexually active at the time. The only time I’ve really been sexually active is when I lived in Brooklyn. I had a dream where e▒▒ was back in the picture and we hadn’t kissed in so long. Which I guess is true. Is he my one true love, do you think ? do you think he’s the one? I remember the moment when we broke up that one time and he was so disappointed, and then he left really quickly sort of without saying anything. He left all kinds of stuff behind.......... and then we actually broke up for real and then we got back together and something about it felt so dirty when we did get back together, but he was holding me, he held me, and we were in love, and now we don’t see each other, we don’t speak, now it’s over, now I’d be fine with never seeing him again, I’m honestly okay with letting him go in that sense. I lost so much sleep in that era. There's really no reason to think about my life so much. There’s no reason for it. It's uncallled for as fuck. I have nothing. There are no expectations of me right now at this point in my life. It would be nice to find structure, but then isn’t the line between structure and trap so thin? I want to find something i actually want to do, something that will not make me feel trapped. I just saw a bird take a little dip in the pool. This is really not good for them, though. It’s chlorinated, and they may not know that, but the water is in fact chlorinated. I feel somewhat tired, almost as if I could take a nap. Is it naptime, do you think? I didn't take any nap yesterday. I didn’t smoke any weed, either. But I did have some weed technically. I took two or three or four hits from m▒▒▒▒’s weed vape. Who knows what that even does to me. Ddiidi it get me high, yes maybe it did. M▒▒▒▒▒ did suggest to me that I not get high so often though. She said yeah maybe it’s good to know yourself and catch it and clock the tea in real time. We clock the tea we think we deserve. Neocities bruh is kind of a bust. I think I’m ready to like... lol nah. I was gonna say give up on it but that’s not true. There’s still stuff I wanna dump into it. I’ll keep on digging the holes, I’ll keep on digging the holes. I’ll figure out how it works. Don’t worry. I’m going to do it. There will be things to do. I’ll keep it up. I’m not worried. I’m going to keep it up and even if the only thing it accomplishes is that I have something to do in a given moment, then that will have been a success. That’s still a success, just having something to do, you know? It’s still a success. I was rereading that thing I wrote, and I was like... man, the phone really is a sickness. What isn’t sick is the trees to my right, I’m looking at one of them and all of them coming together as one superorganism..... forests being a sort of superorganism, wouldn’t you say? The forest in this environment, it is a superorganism, and it’s a superorganism that supports other life as well. There are probably bird superorganisms that live in the tree superorganisms... superorganisms support other superorganisms, and they might even themselves be superorganisms, and earth itself might be one big superorganism. Wouldn’t you say? Wouldn’t you say that earth is one big superorganism? It’s time to go inside and take a nap.