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later pregame

And yes it’s a pPPREGAME. I feeell like i'm looking hot enough to show my face in this town. I’m ready. I’m ready to go. Put me the fuck in, coach. Self-actualization happening today, fuck it. Like hell yes. I’m just like... I’m stalling at this point, honestly, because I’m ultimately nervous, but do want to go, and there you find the actual sweet spot. I’m nervous but I want to go......... and the main reason I am nervous, and I would not be nervous at all without this,,,,, is that I’m alone. I’m alone and I’m showing up alone and there’s no one I can ride the subway with no one to justify my presence in the world no one to justify my being on the train wearing a shirt that says "bitch 2" just like girl what are you doing honestly like what are you doing for real like what are you doing mama, you’re wearing a shirt that says bitch 2 and what do you mean by that exactly? And this is the kind of self-analysis that can really destroy a simple “this is funny i'm doing this” moment. Like you could really just go as bitch 2 ant it’s not going to kill you. I think it’s like I feel like this is my actual community and they’re not really accepting of meeeeeeee. And like okay so there’s yeah an enduring delusion I have is that like... but is it delusional if I feel like it’s true... lolll uhhh okay that’s enough of that. Right now life is amazing. Right now I love life I love the features of the world around me it’s so beautiful to me it’s so beautiful to me to meet daliwali what a complex person and to think of him is really something that breaks my brain in a sense. It is difficult isn’t it to integrate the daliwali I see on the screen..... it’s funny. we had a funny time. I honestly had a good laugh with this dude he’s pretty epic and chill like he was reallyyyyyyyy a chill dude he was firing on a lot of cylinders and it was really fun. Iiiii love that dude. I never asked about the crystal on his neck. it was really sick and I’m sure served some kind of specific purpose. this is just like a cool werid life to think about. The internet friends making a strong showing right now... texting ████ might meet up with her.... fucking love the internet. the internet is a beautiful special magical place. it boggles my mind. it does continue to surprise me how the internet can bring people together like this shit is not possible it was not possible it has never been possible before now to seemingly know so much about a person and THEN meeeet them after the fact, on some love is blind shit for realsiesss,,, I just pregamed by myself using weed and I’ll probably continue to do so. I think if I get stoned enough I can get myself through anything, including this commute to fuckin uhhhh Brooklyn. Anyway I’m about to step out I think now’s the time I think I’ve postponded long enough. I’ve stalled long enough. Let’s fucking go. go on!