• precipice of fate alteration giving me adrenaline. see how this presentation goes. prediction: keep baby a few more days.
• repletion threshold is
more of a flag letting us know to
look more closely at things like
urine output + electrolytes = hydration
status, not an end-all-be-all
- well my prediction was wrong. my intuition is only 13 days old. what do I know? let's just send em home. at least I got confirmation that one of our holy numbers is arbitrary
- (but there's still some uncertainty. Dr. S---- asked me to consult the specialists and tell them we're comfortable discharging but want their perspective. prediction: they agree with me)
• no thoughts today or maybe
just no interest in paying attention
and learning from rounds. selective
attention I guess
• every day at 11:55 AM there’s this
annoying ass loud ass
alarm that sounds on everyone’s
phone, a code drill
or something. eye roll. so annoying, the
devices encroaching like they
do. forcing everyone to attend to
them and press a button to
silence the high-pitched
sonic booming
• I think conscious inertia should be my MO going forward cuz all my recommendations (replete fluids for H----, feed advance for B--------) were rejected. I guess I learned smt from the “failures,” but… do I really want this knowledge anymore, or is it just meat tenderizing my brain and adding little granules into it so it will be more delicious for the evil boss who inevitably will want to suck it out of my skull with a straw?
• tuning everything out and feeling pretty zen
• D------- calling --tai-- “--tee--” not once but twice prompting two corrections from mom who is already stressed out by everything else
• on the subway at the end of the day feeling so irritable as if the various small insults of the day (who cares what they are) have accumulated and are weighing me down
• but shit it's a beautiful day and day 13 is over and sometimes you gotta just let it all go even when something feels off… don't just do something, stand there… and I'm standing, all right