I think about how, like, karma traps you in cycles, and how the people living under colonization are part of, like, the karmic muck of existence. Like, it might be very hard for them to find enlightenment in a system where their nervous systems are constantly fucking activated, where they look at planes flying overhead and wonder if they’re going to drop napalm on them, like the thoughts that must be on the minds of those people when they see the helicopters and airplanes… it’s like, how the fuck could any human try to reach for self-actualization when that’s the daily reality?

And who knows, maybe they’re all way more enlightened even than any of the most well-educated colonial fucking “intellectuals,” likeeee, they may be far closer to any kind of enlightenment than anyone who’s ever lived in the united states, and maybe I’m in the fucking muck and I need to reverse my shit real quick…

But no, it’s the nervous system thing. Like, you’re supposed to find a deep sense of calm if you are to become enlightened, and there’s no really real way for your body to let you reach that state if it’s constantly in fucking survival mode, if you don’t know if this next moment is going to be your last….

Though I suppose that last thing might be a better way of finding your way to enlightenment than always thinking your next moment is guaranteed…. It’s weird. I think what I want or would need to do if I were to be able to continue to engage with these topics of decolonization and finding the way to get people out of the samsaric muck that they’ve been thrust into by the colonizers—including me and my, like, penchant for getting little gadgets and wanting to have the newest Macbook and a Steamdeck and my fucking stupid ass keyboard—where was I going with that?

Oh yeah. Maybe what I really need to focus on is getting my ass out of the fucking united states, stop trying to look for pathways that offer legitimacy in this fuck-ass illegitimate nation… and go to where the people are really fucking suffering and see what the hell I can do to get it to stop.

But I honestly don’t know. Like we had Martin Luther King and fucking Gandhi and all these people who started, like, mass movements in favor of human rights, and they got, like, acccused of pedophilia and killed by the CIA and just, likeeeeee, totally fucking shitted on, and dunked on, even,,,, and the powers that be continued to just, like, fuck things up for everyone forever.

It seems like colonialism is an unstoppable force, but I guess what needs to happen is for one to become the immovable object and just, like, tempt fate to come up with what happens when the force meets the object.

Something just shifted. Please hold and allow me to recalibrate.