We are now in the library.

I met this guy L--- who i’m sure i’ve seen around at certain points in time. He’s this cute squeaky white boy who if he asked me to make out with him i would probably say yes.

One thing i will say is that when he asked me what i had applied into and stuff and i said 'nothing,' and then he said 'oh, are you doing a gap year' and i said no, you could see genuine shock wash over him, almost as if his life was flashing before his eyes. Honestly so fucking fun. This is what i do it for. No, that’s not true. I do it for my own peace and serentiy and living the life that i want to ilve, or at least orienting myself in the directions of lives that i would more like to live... and yeah. Just kinda yeah. I’m saying, i guess, that the little hidden curriculum things are fun. It’s fun to just like find out what little impacts this thing has on the world around me. What kind of reactions it inspires in other people.

And here’s what else i will say: i feel the illusions shattering in real time, and that makes me feel like i’m doing some actual real important work in the world. I feel it, i really do actually feel that this is important work to accomplish. I will say that, right now, without a shadow of a doubt, mind you.

So yes, this decision is not only about reworking my own life for the betterment of myself, but ultimately the goal comes back to the alleviation of suffering for all sentient beings, and i think that’s something that i’m accomplishing in real time just by living my truth out loud for others to see. And now it’s becoming even more hypervisible.

Yeah, what am i even saying now? Is this anything? Yes, of course it is. But what do i want to say? What do i want to say?

This is interesting. A-- is now watching the uhhh EHR page of someone who is now deceased. That’s kind of amazing. I’ve never seen that before. It seems like it was a child. That’s pretty sad. That’s very sad, actually. A child who is listed on EHR as deceased.... Damn. Okay. Wow. She’s really doing some work that is unknown to me, but i’m sure it's very well known to her. She’s a very high functioning individual.