Sometimes I get slapped in the face by yearning. It’s actually crazy the way my world just got destroyed, upended, rerouted after a single encounter with a hot person.

slow burn

He had cute dyed blond hair with red pieces in the back? And earrings and big ass Carhartt pants but the kind that look like he does a real job, and little twink biceps and a gay ass cute demeanor… did I fall in love at first sight just now? I didn’t know what to even say. The longer I looked the more I liked it. And he got cuter when I heard him talk. It’s usually the opposite. God damn.

It’s hard not to be disappointed in myself for not saying anything. I had so many opportunities. I keep letting life pass me by. Now I’m just left with the unfulfilled horny sexually frustrated feeling.

But here’s the thing here’s the thing here’s the thing. If I went up to him, I would’ve been manifesting nothing but rejection. I wasn’t ready because I hadn’t thought it through enough to do it successfully. The only thing I would’ve been able to express would be desperation. I could’ve flirted with him or something… made something happen naturally… said something… but there were no words on my mind, not in the slightest. I froze. I was with my friends, and I froze. It was too threatening of an environment (gas station at night). It wasn’t gonna work. I could’ve followed him to his car, but then it’s creepy. Or romantic?

procreate

It’s just so scary, the stranger danger of it all. But I kinda felt like I knew him when I saw him… I don’t know how to describe it. I don’t know, bruh. I’m spinning this way out of proportion.

I feel like that quote from that random weird book I read in one sitting has been coming to mind more frequently recently. I guess twice in the past, like, three days. “You move from ignorance to knowledge like a baby in a bucket falling down the stairs.” Why is that the most genius and true thing I’ve ever heard? I’m fucking falling down the stairs right now!!!

keeps happening