Sometimes I get slapped in the face by yearning. It’s actually crazy the way my world just got destroyed, upended, rerouted after a single encounter with a hot person.

He had cute dyed blond hair with red pieces in the back? And earrings and big ass Carhartt pants but the kind that look like he does a real job, and little twink biceps and a gay ass cute demeanor… did I fall in love at first sight just now? I didn’t know what to even say. The longer I looked the more I liked it. And he got cuter when I heard him talk. It’s usually the opposite. God damn.

It’s hard not to be disappointed in myself for not saying anything. I had so many opportunities. I keep letting life pass me by. Now I’m just left with the unfulfilled horny sexually frustrated feeling.

But here’s the thing here’s the thing here’s the thing. If I went up to him, I would’ve been manifesting nothing but rejection. I wasn’t ready because I hadn’t thought it through enough to do it successfully. The only thing I would’ve been able to express would be desperation. I could’ve flirted with him or something… made something happen naturally… said something… but there were no words on my mind, not in the slightest. I froze. I was with my friends, and I froze. It was too threatening of an environment (gas station at night). It wasn’t gonna work. I could’ve followed him to his car, but then it’s creepy. Or romantic?

It’s just so scary, the stranger danger of it all. But I kinda felt like I knew him when I saw him… I don’t know how to describe it. I don’t know, bruh. I’m spinning this way out of proportion.

I feel like that quote from that random weird book I read in one sitting has been coming to mind more frequently recently. I guess twice in the past, like, three days. “You move from ignorance to knowledge like a baby in a bucket falling down the stairs.” Why is that the most genius and true thing I’ve ever heard? I’m fucking falling down the stairs right now!!!