Micro-decisions, like choosing to play Cuntissimo Radio instead of the just the one song. A lot of what I do is small vague attempts at alleviating suffering which hasn’t yet manifest.

Considering that, I pause the next song that plays from Cuntissimo Radio. From the first micromillisecond, I can tell that it’s a PinkPantheress song. I’ll check if that’s the case, and if it is, I’ll turn off Cuntissimo Radio and play some jazz. If it’s not... well, I already know that it’s not not.

I checked; it wasn’t not. In other words, it was. It was Stateside by PinkPantheress. So, I turned on my jazz playlist.

I don’t want other people’s words to compete with my own. When I’m listening to instrumental music, I feel more like I’m part of the band and not, like, being made to listen to someone talk at me while I myself am also talking. Spoken like a true trumpeter and lead vocalist and main-character-syndrome-stricken bitch. But it’s just the truth, mama. What do you want me to say? You want me to lie? I’m just following the Eightfold Path. Right speech. That’s what I’m trying to channel when I write. I’m trying to let the words come out exactly as they please without any regard fpr whetherererererer the things im sayingngngngng are intelligenttttt enenougghghghhgh, or, like, not embarrassinggngggggg, not tooo embararrasssssinnngngnggnggg, not too revealing of the things that I assssume to be fundamental, unworkable flaws within myself.

It’s so easy to see how that whole construction is false, how it’s a facade, how it’s a very well-constructed facade, but how ultimately on the inside is nonothing. It is ultimately empty, just like all of our constructions are. And that is why the plastic bag, in addition to the cardboard box, is empty. That is why almost all discarded things are empty. Because it’s a metaphor for consumtpttptpptption. It’s a metaphor for aimless mindlesssss consumption, and it’s just, like, horribleeeeee. I hate it so much. I think I may need to convey more disdaainnnn in the art that I make, or maybe what I’ve done——what I’m doing, what I will continue to do——is already perfect. The thing that person said about how each next thing you make is an antidote to the previous one.