Oh my god, dude. I’m at this fucking state park in [state]. I was trying to get up and around and see the nature and take a little break from driving. I look down into the woods, cuz it looks like there’s a walking trail there or something. And then I spot a pink toy-looking thing, and immediately I recognize it as Cubone. What the fuck is a pink Cubone doing here? Of course, I investigate. Behold,
And it’s fully intact. Plastic and glass. Maybe just plastic. Clearly it's been there for a long time, and clearly I have to bring it with me. Are you serious? Yes, I’m bringing that shit with me.
catch 'em But then I hear the sounds of kids’ voices. God dammit. I’m in the woods with a pink Cubone bong, and now there are kids around. I consider hiding deeper in the woods, because I don’t want to be caught holding a bong, but then I think that would be even more suspicious. And they're coming toward the woods. They know I'm here. And their parents won't be far behind them. And if I act weird, they’re gonna call the cops or something.
Time for thinking has run out. I cart my ass out of the woods, through the brush, up the hill, and wave at the kids:
They’re really friendly and think the pink Cubone bong is the coolest thing in the world (I couldn't exactly hide it behind my back, could I?). I’m like, 'i found this thing! it’s a pokemon! i don’t know what it is, though!' and they’re amazed. They start talking and don't stop. They tell me all (five) of their names, I tell them mine. They ask if they can hold the pink Cubone bong. I say yes and die inside. They're all holding it like some sacred object and trying to figure out its purpose ('i think you use it to make tea!').
The girl with the pink t-shirt with the rainbow on it goes 'did you know we’re staying at a lodge? we’re gonna go swimming today,' and that's when their parents come over, take one look at me, one look at the pink Cubone bong, and go silent. They never address me.
The mom starts yelling at the kids to stop touching it, give it back, and eventually they do.
'I'm gonna take this back to my car, but it was nice to meet you guys!' and I scampered off.
As I'm walking back to my car I hear the mom start bitching them out: 'when I say don’t touch something, you have to not touch it!'
I peep the scene through my rearview as I'm starting the engine. Mom’s pouring soap and water over the kids' hands, and the kids are screaming about how cold it is.
There was no other way for this to go down. There were too many forces outside my control: first and foremost, my love of pokemon (I couldn't not investigate the mysterious pink Cubone in the woods), then my love of marijuana (I couldn't not take an intact bong with me), then my love of kids (I couldn't fully deceive them). I didn't want to lie to them, but it didn't feel right to say
but I also didn't want to overdramatize the situation, because I wanted it to be a safe encounter with drug paraphernalia ('yeah, you could make tea in there!'). The parents didn't appreciate my harm reduction.
I don’t know what else to say. At least I didn’t get yelled at? I feel bad, though. The kids don’t know what happened or why their mom is so mad at them (now she's ordering them to get into the van, and at least one of them is crying).
I think this might be a core memory for them. Oh man. Oh well.