last night
we made quite a mess babe
probably better off this way... and i confesss babe that in my dreams you're touching my face... and asking me if i wanna try again with you and i almost do.
this is a safe space for gays thank god. i'm currently here in the uhhhh in the uhhhhh ███ the ███████ ████████ ██████... what the hell does it stand for?
there is my name on the whiteboard... and heayeayh that's awesome. there my name is on the whiteboard and here i iiiii ammmm seated next to the window and yeah we're just kinda out here you know what i mean.... we are just kinda out here.
there is a little studying reference guide that says "learninnnnng can be a true joy and education is a gift you should be grateful to receive." ew i don't like that it feels already punitive like i don't like how that..... just like says YOU SHOULD do something but doesn't offer any evidence. like why are youu.... why should you be grateful to receive the gift of education? i would like to see a bit more rigor there in how we discuss things and talk about them and discuss them.... but we all know like.... we can't always get what we want.
anyway i am here and i am just idling at this point. and i can tell this is going to be one of those things......
my name really says something nnnnnext to it... my name says soemthing next to iiiiiiit...... i can't tell what it says though....... ████ █████ ████ █████ is what iiiit says. i have no idea what that means lol. like what does it mean for me to be an ████████ █████ in addition to a █████? aiiiii am not sure.... i am not sure what that might mean .... but it is okay...
when i first got here one of the first things ████ ████████ said to me was ummm.... she said thank you for coming out and ██████████ █ █████ ███████ i think is what she hhhhad said? and for me it's like yes baby this is the whole point behind everything that i have been doing. this here, this right here.... THIS, right here, is what i have been doooooiiiinnnnggggg....... sooooo yeah.... so yeah that is awesome isn't it....
theree is someone named ████████ who will be coming in at ummmmmmmm seeems likeeeeeee ██ in the morning, and then is that someone named ummmmmm someone named ███████ with a ██████ ████ next to her name that apprarently starts at ███, but i certainly haven't seeeeeennnn eeherrrr yet.....
i can tell this is one of those jobs that iiiiiis like... this is one of those jobs that will have you uhhhhh sitting around killing time a lot. which is perfect for me because that's my main preferred mode of activity anyway. granted it sure would be nice to be outdoors in the great outdoors in the wilderness so to speak, but like... yeah it's all good man.
anyway here we are right here and right now just liiiike ready for someone to step inside and ummmm how do you say.... ready for someone to come in and use my services.
we don't knowowwww. yet. we don't know yet! simply put, we do not know yet... we just simply do not know yet... we do not know yet, and that iiiiis the acascasese..... that is the case.
you know what i'm saying like yeah we can like... clock that gag for us... clock the gag and see how it goes and how it feels and weeee can go from there.
anyway i feel like reading now, i think... i think i feel like reading now. i got nothing else to say in terms of writing, so i stop writing and swtich to reading.
i have this feeling, this sneaking suspicion, that the jury duty is going to excuse me.... jury duty is most likely going to excuse me,,, i think.... i think jury duty is going to excuse me, most likeylyyy... proababablly.......
read some of flesh today. great book i'm enjoying it.
the student who was here is now leaving, and it's like..... now i will soon be all alone in this place... just like.... waiting on the last few minutes to go by... and yeah i'll just be here is the thing.. . we can neevver be too certain, can we... we can't be too certain just like we can't b3e too careful.
a weird seemingly implacable feeling
a pain in my left elbow. ulnar nerve radiopathy type beat.
it started when work ended. it's a strange feeling.... as if none of the music i was listening to was hitting..... but █████ said something smart, and that was that i will feel differently when i ████ █ ████ ████ ████████ with ███ ██ ███ ███████. i can tell i'm in the right place,. i can tell i am equal to this challenge. i can tell!
life is really like a video game at the end of the day.
okay. now time to eat. eating often makes one feel better. DOES A BODY GOOD! especially considering my lack of meals today. i had breakfast and then snacks and now it's almost 8pm. time to eat. thank god. here we are we made it babes~!!!!
i'm not built for employment
like..... it feels like going on severance or something.... idk. i think what's cool is that the ppl i met and spoke to most today shared a certain set of ideals with me.... so that's cool. like we're comrades at the end of the day and i'm happppyyyyyy to be around such people.... such coommmmrades. i would be most happy to be around them for real.... MOST happy indeeed, innndeeeed........ so yeah.
right now.... though... i feeel this sense of misssingness like huh i'm so tired and i don't feel like i really did anything today other than... a lot i guess technically on paper but did i feel like i was really like GOING SOmEHWERE Idk .... idk if i can say one way oooor another... today has felt strange
you know what it was? i was wearing the wrong deodorant. i had run out of oasis and i was in the bathroom and █████ was out there and i i i i i i ii i i wanted to throw something on and wilderness was what was in therererere so i put it on and i smelled a little off and also it wasn't an amazing hair day like i've had so much better hair days in the past bro and the thing is i just need to use mooooore product i think is what it is................... so yeah. soooo yeah!!!!!
i'm gonnna get out of jury duty soon i'm pretty sure, i'm thinking, i would say, meeethinkssss.... yeah.
i love daliwali and barndoors and ara i love those fuckers and rippledstone....
as for the ████████ today, i furrowed my brows at the thought, because it was just kinda silly.
i guess what i got out of it was seeeds planted.... i put in some seed plantings and we'll see what takes roooooot, if anyyything. we'll just have to see,, you know,,?? we will just have to see. we will just have to see, okayyyyy..>!!! we willlll simply dimply.. just have to seee. uwu!!! love you..... sweet... dreams? no. i just gotta event coudoubobuoudnrary it up rn. i'm sure you understand....