The ladder can be descended just like it can be ascended. Descent might look to you like relapse, regression, but it’s actually quite natural.
Conversations end.
You can’t stay at Level 3 forever. Sometimes you have to step back down to Level 2, Level 1, even Level 0.
Just like there’s an art to initiating a conversation (the drop-in method) and building momentum (the vibe ladder) and even moving across dimensions within a conversation (the dark arts), there is an art to leaving a conversation.
For some, the art of the exit is the most difficult to master, for parting truly is such sweet sorrow. It’s the sorrow that is hardest to bear, especially after a particularly invigorating conversation. Why would you ever want to leave a great conversation? Herein lies the necessity of discipline when attempting to master the skill of exiting.
I’ve discussed in some detail the importance of transitions within a conversation, and an exit is the most important and difficult transition to navigate. Of course, anyone can do it, and we all do it every time we have even a Level 0 conversation with an NPC. All you have to do is walk away. But the real art of exiting a conversation comes in exiting it gracefully.
Many people, even those who have long since abandoned the NPC script, find the end of conversations to be awkward, sometimes
to the point of actual perceived psychic damage.
People who struggle with attachment have an even harder time with this skill, as ending conversations can often feel like ending a relationship, leaving someone behind, or even abandonment. For these people, it is of critical importance to learn the skills required to leave a conversation with poise, prime your conversation partner to continue the conversation later if desired, and ensure that both parties are ready to accept that the conversation is over.
As an NPC might say, “all good things must come to an end.” The same is true in conversation. Of course, all bad things must also come to an end, and there are certain conversations from which you may want to escape immediately. For example, your conversation partner could say something offputting upon reaching Level 2, or they may start oversharing with no end in sight. In these cases, and any number of other unfortunate directions a conversation may go, it’s important to maintain a calm demeanor and understand your options before acting rashly.
It’s always possible to make an emergency exit.
If you feel the need to leave immediately, it’s possible, and you don’t always owe your partner an explanation. In a worst case scenario situation, you can walk away without saying another word, though this is an inelegant option that will not feel good to you or the partner—unless the conversation truly is so bad that any kind of exit will feel like a relief.
It’s possible to emergency exit gracefully. You are entitled to your own thoughts, and therefore you can use any thought as justification for leaving:
“I just remembered that I will die, and I need to go act accordingly.”
Anyone would understand that, because they, too, will die. This kind of explanation is fair game for an emergency exit.
Now is a good time to point out that there’s a belief baked into our culture that we should be able to lie our way out of uncomfortable situations and conversations. This is true. There is no rule stating that you can’t escape a conversation with a well-timed lie, but it’s not a method that I would recommend.
I believe in the magic of conversation, and part of that magic is truth.
I firmly believe that you should be truthful regardless of what has been said previously, and regardless of whether your conversation partner is being truthful. I believe that part of mastering the art of conversation is learning how to tell the truth.
If a conversation is ending in a non-emergency situation, you can opt for a softer landing. This is the most ideal way to end a conversation: you and your partner winding the conversation down gradually, falling to the ground like feathers, and landing gently back at Level 0.
By using this “soft landing” method of exiting a conversation, you’ll be able to tie up any loose ends in conversation—looping back if you feel that there’s some glaringly unresolved matter, and avoiding topic surfing to anything new. The soft landing is a good opportunity to bring things full circle—to make a callback to your conversation partner’s nine toes, for example—to remind you both of the trajectory that your conversation has taken, to remind you both that there was a beginning to this conversation which may feel so infinite at the current moment in time. A simple callback can be enough to “snap” you both out of the temporary fugue state you may have entered.
Indeed, using a callback to ease your exit from a conversation is among the most graceful ways of ending. It is also possible to “call back” to a universal truth, and even follow the example of certain NPC-coded dialogue options. For example,
“Life is a crazy thing”
can be a perfectly valid thing to say after a conversation that has spanned many levels of the ladder, though it sounds like a line taken straight from the NPC script.
This introduces us to a certain paradox in conversation: NPC dialogue can actually come in handy at deeper points in conversation, particularly at endings. The premise of this regression-to-NPC method of exit is the fact that we must descend the vibe ladder carefully, intentionally, in order to gracefully exit a conversation and return back to Level 0, the Level occupied by NPCs.
It’s true that what goes up must come down, but by the time you get back to ground level, it is my hope that you’ll carry a certain transcendence that will prevent you from reverting back into the NPC mold from which you’ve worked so hard to break free.
If this description of descending the ladder and returning to Level 0 sounds contradictory or counterintuitive, that’s because it is. This is part of the magic of conversation. There are certain qualities of conversation that cannot be captured in words, and cannot indeed be captured by our human understanding. In conversation, we strive for the upper limits of comprehension, but
there are certain laws of nature that will remain a mystery to us.
This is the humility that we must carry as we ascend the ladder, and especially as we descend it.
To conclude, I’ll remind you that the art of ending a conversation is an advanced skill. I’ve given you a foundation upon which to build your philosophy of ending conversations, but the actual practice is up to you. Even more than other elements of conversation, the art of the exit must be honed through multiple attempts. Don’t be afraid to fail. You will end conversations awkwardly. You will feel how it feels to leave a conversation with unresolved threads. You will even exit conversations in ways that feel rude. All of these errors are necessary in your process of mastering the art of conversations, of leaving the NPC realm behind forever.
Your ability to wield NPC dialogue effectively will be one of the most potent indicators of your success in breaking free of the NPC mold. When you are able to successfully reclaim a line of NPC dialogue and inject true meaning back into the words, when both you and your partner feel as though the NPC dialogue has transcended the NPC realm into something truly unique, you’ll know that you have broken free of the mold.
Now that we’ve spoken at some length about initiating, maintaining, and finally leaving conversations, all that is left to discuss is the beyond. Pure transcendence. When a conversation becomes something else altogether. Now is the time for our final chapter on this journey.
last one