By now I’m sure you see that conversation is a dangerous game. This is the very point that I’m trying to instill in you: it is a game.
It is a game, and there are rules. There are ways to win. There are ways to hack it—some of which I’ve already told you.
There are also cheat codes. There are ways to play that don’t feel ethical. Ways to play that, if wielded inappropriately, can elevate one out of the NPC realm and into something far more dangerous.
I have no control over how you use any of the following techniques, but I would regret it deeply if I told you about them with no disclaimer. So here it is.
There is evil in the world.
The following techniques can be used for evil just as they can be used for good. if you are a force of good in this world, I hope that you will be able to use these techniques to not only free those around you from the NPC script, but to disarm the evil forces who wrote and perpetuate the script.
It’s up to you whether you move through this world with good or evil intentions. I can’t control that. I can only tell you what I know.
You’ve come a long way.
I think you’re ready for what’s next. And if you’re not, that’s okay, too. You can always put this book down and return to it later. You have plenty of things to practice from the first five chapters in the meantime. To wield the techniques laid out in this chapter before mastering the more foundational ones is, again, dangerous. But I’m not responsible for you.
The first technique is called conversational looping. It’s a strategic “circling back” to previous topics, or previous levels on the vibe ladder. It’s a way of leading your conversation partner to a predetermined conversational destination. I wouldn’t advise using it in regular conversation, but it can be useful if you are in conversation with someone who, for one reason or another, you want to control.
The conversation is a sacred space, and there are certain magical qualities to it that you are likely beginning to grasp.
These magical qualities emerge quite naturally after you and your conversation partner have reached the same wavelength of thinking. Conversational looping is a method of “mining” a conversation for the things that you want rather than exploring it with an open mind. To use this technique is to attempt to exert control over the magical forces at play in conversation.
loopLooping is a technique to which I’ve previously alluded. The callback method from Chapter 4 is one such example of conversational looping. In that chapter, the act of calling back was a means of relieving tension, injecting humor. I see it as one of the “good” uses of looping.
In conversation, it’s important to ground yourself in topics that are safe and comfortable for you and your partner and to return to these when things get dicey. Looping is a good way to do so.
At some points, you may feel the urge to descend the vibe ladder. For example, you may find that the emotional connection found in Level 2 has been exhausted, and you’ll want to go back to Level 1 and find a different spark to follow. This is perfectly acceptable and even necessary in conversation. It requires a certain self-awareness, and it will make your conversations feel more fluid, less linear.
Conversational looping does not just have to be about harnessing the magic, but about maintaining it. It’s about recognizing when one loop has been run dry, when it’s time to go back and try something else. It’s also about recognizing when you’ve digressed from a previous loop that you feel may be not fully explored, and regressing back to that loop.
In short, conversational looping is about awareness. It requires a full presence in the conversation, and a good memory. You need to be aware of where the conversation has been in order to loop it back. You also need to be aware of what your conversation partner may want to talk more about.
Just like climbing a mountain, sometimes it’s necessary to descend before you can ascend again.
This is conversational looping.
For example, maybe your partner left a breadcrumb back at Level 2 from which they quickly diverted. A good use of conversational looping would be to circle back to this breadcrumb once a topic in Level 3 has been explored to its capacity. This kind of circling back has the added benefit of reminding your partner that you are alive and listening, and it allows a good conversation to continue when it’s at risk of stagnating.
You’re wondering what makes conversational looping a dark art; it seems innocuous enough. I’ll leave that for you to figure out, or better yet, to forget about.
I’m not in the business of providing blueprints for evil people.
I feel the need to comment again on the importance of transitions. If you choose to loop from one level to another, it’s important to remember what I said earlier about takeoff being one of the most dangerous parts of a flight. Pay attention. Mind your manners. Make sure the transition is smooth and logical—or, if it must be illogical, acknowledge it with a laugh and a wink, ensuring that your conversation partner doesn’t feel like you’re taking them for a ride.
In summary, I advise you to avoid the desire to be in control and to use the loop-back method sparingly. Use it only if you are confident that your conversation partner is okay with ending the current line of conversing and returning back to the topic you’re interested in revisiting.
You are not in control. That is not the goal.
What about when you want to stay within one level, but the conversation is starting to stagnate? This is where another technique comes into play: topic surfing. It is the art of changing topics without killing momentum, and just like conversational looping, it depends on your ability to see connections and follow them when the time is right.
For example, in a Level 3 conversation about whether the complexity of the universe is reflected in a single atom, you might use topic surfing to change gears while continuing the forward momentum in the conversation. You might say something like, “That makes me think of DNA. Do you think DNA might be the basic unit of consciousness?” You are still talking on the scale of microns, but you have slightly changed course while staying firmly in Level 3.
It’s possible to conversation surf within any level of the vibe ladder. Use this technique to prevent your conversation from running dry, but use it sparingly. Changing topics too quickly and too often will suggest to your conversation partner that you’re not really interested in what they have to say, and it will be destabilizing. Avoid overwhelming your conversation partner with too many topics, and remember that a single conversation doesn’t need to span the entire range of possible topics.
When I warn against abusing advanced techniques like conversational looping and topic surfing, I do it out of concern for you and your future conversation partners. Not only is it possible to hurt someone else by using these tactics of conversational manipulation, but it’s very possible for these tactics to hurt you even more than you hurt them.
One such danger in using these dark arts is conversational ego death. This is a phenomenon that can occur when a conversation gets “too deep” and makes either party feel as though they’ve lost their grip on themselves. Too much surfing within Level 3, for example, can leave your head spinning and make you feel as though the conversation is the only thing that exists anymore.
Another danger is conversational psychosis, which can occur when a conversation causes you to split from the reality that you share with all fellow humans. You may enter too deeply into the reality shared by you and your conversation partner, at which point you have both entered a shared delusional state (folie Ă deux).
The danger in conversational ego death and psychosis is that they may render you unable to escape the level that you have attained. You may get trapped in Level 3, for example, and be unable to talk about anything that doesn’t concern existential matters. You may also lose the ability to leave the conversation, thus giving up the possibility of having a conversation with anyone else besides your current partner.
Given the dangers of getting “stuck,” it is of supreme importance to know how to end a conversation. If you begin to feel tempted to manipulate your conversation partner toward evil ends, it’s likely time to end the conversation. If you feel like things are getting too weird, and your sense of self or your sense of the world is beginning to blur or slip away, it may be time to end the conversation.
To end a conversation is a difficult skill to master, so we will discuss it in detail in the following chapter.
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