Oh god, oh fuck, anxiety just happened to me. Oh man, what the hell is this shit. I just dug too deep into find my friends bullshit and then i saw like.... Oh man, i just spun something up that didn’t need to even get spun. oh shit lol fuck whatever it doesn’t matter it doesn’t matter. Ultimately it doesn’t matter like this shit is already over anyway. What happened was.... Shit, it doesn’t matter. i was looking at find my friends which i guess was my first mitsktae and the reason i got punished.

i was curious about whether if i hung out with N------ today i’d be able to get back up to my apartment in time for bed. then i decided to take it a step further and see where N------ was, but she wasn’t on there, so lsosoielkekke efusehfuhsfesjfhsefj then i got distracted and looked down at the list, further down on the list, and i saw that uhhh i saw that uhhh fuckinnnnnnn i saw that uhughghhuhghhhhh i saw that I-- and G---- both no longer, like... errr they like..... It was like eueeueueuhhhhehehhhehhhh it was like.... Fuck......... it said location not found. I assumed that meant they must have stopped sharing their location with me???? So i fuckin uhhhhh i fuckinggggg likeeeeee deleted them cuz like shit dude i don't need to see them on my damn thing. We’re not friends it’s fine but we’re literally not friends anymore........ And then i went to check our text conversation and lo and behold i seeeeeee in my text with I-- “you stopped sharing your location with I-- E------” like oop okay so that’s a little awkward.... Granted, i had already turned off my location fully and shit, but now it’s a little piece of ammunition for them. I think that’s really what i wanted to avoid . i didn’t want them to have a nugget of a thing to spin into anxiety or anything like that. So does this mean i now have to send a prophylactic text??? Really, what’s the protocol here?

Because the temptation is for me to... the temptation is for me to... look up a way to get that removed from the record. If I-- ever feels like texting me and then sees that i stopped sharirng my location, i bet that will sting a little, just like it stung for me to realize that maybe possibly they had stopped sharing their locations with me. It’s like... fuck. So i don’t want that to happen. But i also don’t want to call attention to it by texting her being like 'hey just deleted you from my find my friends and then notieced that it notified you so just wanted to point out that there are no hard feelings about it' or some shit like that? But that is also just like grasping too hard.

Truthfully, the fact of the matter is that there is no need for follow-up in this case. There’s just no need for it. The friendship was already destroyed, so what does it matter if they get notified or can see the indication that we no longer have our locations shared? What the fuck does it matter? If anything, it should be a good confirmation for them of what they must have known to be true.

What’s funny to me is that in one final grasp/bid at getting I--’s favor i followed her from my finsta once i had gotten home back in june, and then i ended up deactivating both of my instagram accounts shortly after or during our fight. So like.... Yeah, the grasping is never going to work, my friend. You can try grasping in various ways, you can keep trying it, but i can assure you it’s not ever going to work. And this relationship is not something i’m even interested in preserving, so who cares, ultimately, you know? Who fucking cares. I wish i could delete my whole self from this whole record of the whole thing. But like.... Shit. I don't know man lol

Just like randomly freaking out about stupid shit that’s already over. Just like... it’s good to get it all resolved, though, isn’t it, wouldn’t you say, yes, i would say it’s good to talk things through with myself and getting to the bottom and stuff like that. And now i’m sort of assured in it. If i ever see I-- and G---- again, first of all it’ll be too soon, but second of all if they have anything to say about the location business, they can tell me to my face, and i’ll say to them 'well, yes, it’s simple, really: i deleted you guys from my location app becuase i don’t care to see where you are anymore.' Ugh, it just betrays a certain grasping that i am victim to, or i make myself victim to. It betrays that i’m still a grasper, whereas my previous arrangmeent had no such betrayal. There was no such betrayal, but now there is!!!! Alas. who gives a fuck. Who really gives a fuck, you know?

It’s just kinda funny to think why would you remove your location now, is it something she said recently, or is it something else, or what is it, really, that caused you to remove it now, at this moment in time, after the, uhhhh, after the whole thing had already been said and done? And stuff... well, who knows, and more importantly, who cares. The thing is over. It’s fucking over. You’re safe in the park. You got bit by something on the back of your left neck a few seconds ago, and it’s a weird itch that you’re not familiar with. It’s like a sting mixed with an itch, and you suspect possibly the wasp who was on your case earlier. It flew into your eyelid, so maybe it stung you, possibly, but wouldn’t you have felt it initially, but i guess you did, and when you wiped away whatever was stinging you, you felt something small and squishy....... Ughhhhh, ewwwwww, it really could’ve been anything that bit me there.

Whatever. Moving on, i guess. That’s all. Sorry for the—no, no apologies, i know. I’m not in a position where i need to apologize, so i’ll just leave it. Okay, that’s all good. We’re fine. No worries. Being happy and all that. Okay. bye.