ahab is really relatable at least that chapter i read a couple chapters ago, the one where... it’s called surmises... and it talks about how ahab was extremely aware of the fact that everyone knew he was somewhat monomaniacally set on killing the white whale, and that they could all just usurp him for it, so he took extra care to do all the other day-in-day-out stuff of whaling....... so that he could keep the ability to search for the whale that he wanted it’s an interesting dialectic happening where you want, so badly, this one thing, you want to kill your white whale,,,,,,,,,, but you know that there is so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh busy work that needs to get done to maintain this position you have where you can kill the white whale barnes and noble in some ways it does remind me of medicine and how we all smuggle in these secret missions, these things that we might share with some of our crew, but certainly the full extent is for no one to know but ourselves... we all smuggle in these things, and we might all be working really hard to kill our respective white whales, but we all know that the claims of professionalism are as tight as ever, and if we make one wrong move, if we seem too interested in moby dick, we will get usurped, and we will lose the opportunity to do what we were really trying to do break free i wonder, though... i just wonder at this whole thing. and the fact that it was conveyed in so few words... i think the main point of it was conveyed in just one paragraph, this idea that he wanted to do this one thing but he knew he had to do the other things it’s really profound and interesting to me... just food for thought. a feast, honestly i was looking through the illustrations in the back of the book and saw a map of the pequod’s journey. there was an illustration of the ship going down at the end of the trail... is this going to end in disaster for everyone? does the ship literally sinkknkk?? my god, then it would make sense, all that foreshadowing and like... the tablets ishmael saw in the church at the beginning. fuck, are they going to meet a fucking watery grave???? man, i gotta keep reading the gravity of that possibility of an ending is gripping, and if i were not so tired i would keep reading because it really is that good and it’s interesting like yeah if this whole thing were really just about moby dick it would be quite short but it’s six hundred or so pages, and we gotta do all kinds of stuff in those pages to make it make a story bnnnbnbnbnb that’s an interesting part of life: how many intergenic sequences there are in everything... and the ultimate end, the eschaton, the white whale, yes, we’re oriented toward it, we’re trying to get to it, but sometimes we get so wrapped up in some other bullshit that we can spend days on end without making any real efforts toward killing the white whale...... this is literally life, though. this is life as fuck. so iiiii’lll.. yeah, just was picturing my mommmmm and now i picture dad and i’m just like ehhehhhhhehhhhhheheh. funny. i love being called a bastard. like yeah, i fucking am. yeah, i am a bastard. she asks, in my head, in some suggestive, trancelike state that i’m in.. she asks what’s going on... i don’t know what’s going on, i don’t know why the world is trying to destroy you like this, and why it’s really working!!! i imagine a van driving down a highway, and i imagine the back door of the car being open and it being blah blah precarious situation....... blah blah i guess i guessss fFUFUFUCCCK anyway, can we just stop talking all this sophisiticaeteddd... and she asked me to be a directorrr.................... on her show? this is a r▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒ type...she’s a r▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒ type of individual and she’s just... you know r▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▒▒ god bless you and keep you my dear and please dooo give me that note.. that award...i would love to have an award..... owen wilson: "what we do depends on what day it is..." sorry, i was having a conversation with this dude in my head, and he was talking about how depression can be on and offfff you never know until the sadayh l;l tomorrow