earlier

yeah bro

yeah yeah yeah yeah dude yeah man yeah champion you're the best you know that we love you everybody loves you we all love you the large, almost nauseating numbers of citronella ants this evening seemingly breeeeeeeeedddding that was fucking insane dude there were at least five separate mounds of ants just straight up breeeeeeeding dude it was fucking insane today i've seen what density, true density, can look like among ants and right here and now i'm feeeling a little weird lol but the kind that seeemingly has no consequences. no one around for me to be nervous about disturbing or disappointing or something... you know? we're just chilling, doing things on our own terms and shit. we have no one to impress, no one we need to perform for. no performance, only the ongoingness of the days. we only continue. that is what we do: we continue, okay, we are still continuing, we are still making progress you ask me what were my major things done today. one was finishing the last sixty pages of foucault's pendulum, having my moment with casaubon looking at the hills.... and how beautiful he said it was. he didn't know where his son was or what he was doing. maybe his son was having his Opportunity right then,,, the thing that would define his life, you know.... define his life, define his life.... i know the constancy in life is that it continues, its constancy is its continuation or something writing being the ashes of the burning fire, and mainly science-related concerns taking up my mental space for now i have more time to enjoy this recovering burnout status that i've taken on.... and it feeels goood, bro, it only feeels good. that's all i can say about it is that it feels good, amazing even..... so yeah, life is goood i'm feeling that feeling where you think of sleeep and how good it would feeel and i feel ready for it i'm so grateful for sleeep and not having trouble sleeeping i am grateful for it i'm grateful for this feeling of like "oooh, sleeeep feels and sounds so delicious right now..." i love that.... the question becomes how long will we postpone it, delay the gratification. how long will we keep that up? i got so much screentime today bro and i know it's the enemy i know it's the enemy yet i still succumb,... the dopamine is really rewarding i love the dopamine i get for free and not having to work for it is cooool. it's such reliable dopamine. i can just... it's not even reliable, actually... i'm excited for this new life chapter and whatever it will bring. i look forward to all that, i really do... i really do look forward to understanding what happens next...

yeahh!!!!!

yeah it's coool as fuck i love it and yeah dragons have torn through the sky, glided through it, just fucking like swam——SWAM——in the sky. that must have been insane, to seeee things literally FLYING and, err, SWIMMING in the air, like, yeah, how fucking..... that last moment before the plane hit the twin tower and there was a reddit comment saying they often think about how some people didn't even know they were about to crash, and that was moments before they died instantly and that goes for all of us bro which is why iiiiiii like to li ajjjjjjjjjj we keeeep on going maaaaaaaaaa guuyyyy we just keeep on goingggg u know we keeep on going man we just have to keeep on going we have to keeep on going we really have to keeeep going we can keeep going or we dijjjj the lidower not widower but lidower that's what a woooooooooooooooooooone of father's friends... bah i don't even like to think back to it, those people and theiiiiiiiir logggggg mansion............... jjjjjjust cuz it's log doesn't mean i don't see that you're eeexorbitantly rich you can live in a log cabin and still have three hundred thousand in your bank account. you can do both, and i know,, all the shit i'm doing i'm keeepiiiiiingggg.g..gg...j iitittat tuuuuururrrr jfbiiiiiiiiiiiiggg brother big brother coool show man cooooooooooooolllllllllll show indeeed it's a cool show i liked it. it was presssure cooker competition tonight, and i ended up stopping paying attention like three quarters through, maybe. it's just like unnecessary two-hour episode so unnecessary to be doing that for two hours is just my thinking and feeeling on it, that's just what i think anyway..... but yeah.... i think i'm ready for sleeeping and we'll seee if it's time to do it all agiin. the walls wwwwwwwwwwwere..... were were werwerwe werwer werwerwe rwerw erw erwe e wwrrwewerwerwerwerwe were were werew werwerwerwerwewewe big billboard of dogs with sunglasssesjjjjj so whatever GOD I'M SO TIRED. i think now is time to say goodbye unfortunately i'm gonna miss you and i know i could've drummed up some more shit to say. but for now.... alors!!!!!!!! on dort.... on dort.... alors on dort. byeeee!!! mwah! ████ ██████ told us "i love you" means something different from "love you" and he was right, iiiit stuck in my head ever since he said it....... .feeeling the love.... seeeeeekkkiiinggggggggg i gotta be a mover and shaker at some point in life , at SOME point some moving and shaking'll have to get done, but for now i'm doing my thing.... and feeling realllllllllllll fucking GOOOD about just everything so with that yeah i'm officially finally actually signing offf, bye now!!!