I think the whole “old people need to die” thing is really sitting in me. It’s making me want to live fast and die young like the rest of the good people in the world. No more living to age 100. I don’t feel like it. It’s so... undignified, unrevolutionary, lazy, selfish, indulgent, self-indulgent, and a bunch of other words like that. Why not go down in a blaze of glory?

We could do our thing until 35 and then climb up on a roof like SOPHIE. We could get into meth and rot our brain prematurely before the dementia can get to it.

I think medicine is retarded. There, I said it. All that emphasis on prolonging life, for what? So our population can be calcified and complacent? It’s sinister. I feel like there’s some kind of grand conspiracy. Every effort we make just feeds further into the empire. There’s no room to be transgressive in medicine when all you’re doing is fixing old people’s problems. Ew. I can’t do that.

If I was considering going into primary care yesterday—which always seems to be inevitable when I work with Dr. A--- and think of that P---- family medicine residency—then I’m not considering it anymore. I need to break out of this system as fast as fucking possible. It’s so rotted. It’s horrible! I need to go find the kids and help them out instead. And we don’t need to involve medicine. I’d like to involve the empire as little as possible, actually. Find the life under all that empire. Go to work every day, live in community with the people I’m trying to “serve.” Change the language around “serving” “populations,” too. That’s such a weird and gross and rather patriarchal lens, isn’t it? Over it!