anthill - rain

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Whole lotta screeeeeentime today broski i’m so serious when I say I spent over twelve hours on the laptop today much like iiii used to do in summers past I’m almost proud of myself for getting back to my roots in that way And fuck it dude I had fun it was a fine day I had that time in the park and I got torrentially downpoured upon to make it all feel so very worth it rain on me There was some kind of tourist who stumbled upon my hiding place in front of the abandoned house. He had a sling on one of his arms, and he might have been from oceania. He asked if... or, rather, he said he was hoping to get out, and he discovered... or, rather, I told him that we were very much at a dead end.................. I was immersed in the netanyahus book to the point where I didn’t notice him until he was walking away... he could’ve really run up on me and shit.... but then we chatted for a few seconds before it started coming down, and then I was just like oh man what do I do, and I took shelter, not with the man as he went back down the path from whence he came, but rather in this tucked-away part of the area where there is the cover of lots of trees But it was the type of rain that bleeds through all the protection of the leaves and branches, and after a while I realized nowhere would be safe, and the time had come to cut my losses and walk back in the pouring rain, uphill to my apartment And it was laughable, it was really actually making me laugh. It made me laugh it made me laughhhhh to be there with my clothes wet just walking, it felt childlike and good There were some teenage to young twenties looking women who were playing some kind of soccer or at least just kicking a ball back and forth on the paved pathhhhhhh out of the park, so you seeeee... and they had a couple spectators holding folding chairs over their heads as umbrellas It was a really nice time I feel like rain really reminds us of the organismalness of us all. it really brings out the organisms in us. it really is such a primal thing And why do we hate being wet so much......... I’m sure there are reasons, like it makes us too cold and we can’t quite regulate our temperature as well when we’re wet like that, some other things I’m sure too The meeting with ████ ███████ man why do you make me feel like I have to be doing all this shit in such a certain and particular kind of way like can you just leave me alone please I’m not interested in your cult of professional development honestly like I’m really not interested girly queen I’m really really not interested cult She keeps coming at me with these timelines, very just like...... ocd style of thinking, very professional development-oriented, and I do not share that orientation with her anymore to be frank with you I just don’t share that with her If I did, I would’ve spent the majority of today looking at programs and sending emails, but instead what I did was something far, far, far more self-indulgent, but something that will be cool on the web, and something that has and will continue to help me integrate past experiences into this web of life that I’m spinning. I’m just doing these longform types of integration and reminding myself that yes I really have lived a life full of varied and distinct activities, people seen, places been, all that type of stuff And I love it, do you love it? I love it! And iiiiiii keep going. The sooner I get it allllll into the thing, the more the memories will not be able to leave me... but surely many of them already have, but that’s okay, that’s perfectly fine. I’ll just keep going diligently with this diligent work, you know... just keep it going, keeeeeeep on going, you just keep on going, you know what i mean andnddd whooooooooooooo knows what will or may come of this honestly iiiiiiiiiiiiii have no waking idea what will come of it Boys kissing boys kissing three of them they’re in a pool they got emo haircuts and earrings boys kissing one of them’s got his hands around the other two’s necks and he’s kissing the one to his left boys kissing boys kissing boys kissing the cycle of poverty does continue and there’s some people who are actively pedaling the bike of poverty to get the wheels a-turning... and they’ll convince you they got their hands off, but no, bruh, they are doing small and large things to make it so that there are NO MORE RULES. Nothing like that. And here’s grandpa played by ben stiller to remember I said not to go up there... a small something about how he saw who was up there? Now I’m scared like forreallllll I’m actually scared toooooo this shiiiiiit.... what do we do just go uppppp to peoooooo Ijjjjjj ijjjjjjjj theyere showing me aour hhre negsnnnni feellstealing from the workplace is actually highly valued erecommended encouraged oot get tsjjj hands jerked away from keyboard as if a full body rejection Who am I but to listen.