all gas all flowing river water skull full of neurons making superstructures in there super infinitely complex but deceptively simple when it comes down to it with a certain spark that must be magic but it’s just the magic of emergent properties or is that just the scientific phrase for magic nowadays? the further you go into science the more you have to chock things up to magic more and more hallways of knowledge it's like scooby doo you only get a certain amount of time per episode you gotta handle the big threats the ones that are in your way for real no time to go after the little truths of the universe the ones that exist in a single atom just like that book i got dad that he never read and will likely never read unless he undergoes a dramatic, phineas gage-like frontal lobe injury that changes his personality completely and causes him to stop giving his life away to this business that is entirely subject to the whims of bad actors when will he learn he's not in control and never has been when will he realize the american dream is nothing it's hollow, the victory the "other side" is the same as it is for everyone and always has been forever death followed by oblivion all these things he's building up in this life will be defeated and shrink into nothing maybe that's why he seems to have a death wish, because he knows there’s absolutely nothing left there's never going to be any getting through to him you can't make someone act the way you think they should we're all too enigmatic we don't even obey our own commands making certain headways in my own mind with little awareness of the things that have been said before clear-eyed closed-eyed focus on the path ahead ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach from having so many boys on my phone in various states of conversation the ones who i want not really wanting me back and the other ones just kind of there and who knows who else and it's all very overstimulating and i shouldn't allow myself to fall into this trap of thinking that the social world exists on my phone like yes it kinda does but it mostly does not at the end of the day you're laying in bed with your eyes closed casting spells and you have a witch hat on and your stupid eyebrows make you look like that super christian girl who said god has smiled upon her and tomorrow is monday time for another great week in the life who knows what will happen we are going to just have to see how the seeds that we've sown will be reaped infinite possibilities i think i'm ready to switch over to the privacy and comfort of my own head a little redux some unfinished business don't be alarmed if it's still weird just stay the course and keep your head up and not down keep that thing up you're alive so look it and act it and make sure you have fun and love yourself and those around you