there is a certain type of music that i like, and it is the kind of music that is good. i like music that is good, and i like that there are songs out there that exist which i like, and which i can throw on and have a good time. it feels nice. i like listening to music.

right now the new lykke li album is slaying me. but then, now i’m listening to this album by gobby called i guess bro. i only wish i didn’t have to hear this man’s voice. i wish he would not sing and just leave it at the instrumental. is that wrong? i’m trying to silence men’s voices.

i don’t like men.... in the sense that....

the thing i would rather men not speak at all. i think women should be the ones speaking and singing. god forbid a cisgender man try to sing. i would rather die, honestly. there are very few men in the world whom it would not be a punishment to listen to.

this is how nature corrects itself. the course correction here...... is all physics. it’s all just physics. i’m living in a world that is governed by laws. i need to keep that in mind. i’m living in a world governed by laws. so just keep that in mind, ant, as you proceed with things. you are sitting in the direct sunlight right now. you’re letting your dna get damaged right now the longer you sit in the sunlight. but isn’t it also true that sitting in the sun is fucking awesome and fucking rocks?

i gotta repark my car at some point today, and then i won’t have to repark until monday, and the cycle will continue.

right now i’m slightly more sensitive to rejection. but i also know that rejection is a good thing. nobody wants you——that means you’re free. that was the first thing that came to mind last night when i was feeling like i was going to be rejected: that nobody wants me, and that that is a good thing, because it means that i am free. and what a blessing it is to be free, to know that i have this whole day in front of me, and i can do whatever i want with it, up to and including absolutely nothing. i can do nothing with this day and be perfectly content with the decision.

i ought to get out of the sun. i feeeeeeeeeelllllll it beating down on me, and i feel that it’s time to get out of it... but it sure does feel good to feel it, doesn’t it? i like this feeling right now, and i’m going to give it probably a couple more minutes.

but then who knows what may happen. i miss j▒▒. i like her a lot. i think we are supposed to be friends.

and i do need friends. i do need companions in this life, just like i should hope to be a companion for others. i want the companionship, and i think we all probably want the companionship. at least for the moment, right now, i have these little plants to my right who are serving as my companions. i like them... i like them a lot, actually. i like those fuckers.... i like them, i like them, maybe i even love them.

it was a nice joke the universe pulled to suspect me of fraud yesterday and cut me off from making any further purchases. it was a good joke, and a good reminder of the arbitrariness of money, and having it.... the arbitrariness, and the lack of meritocracy to it. nobody deserves to have money any more or less than anyone else.

i’m going to get out of the sun, i think....

but in the shade, you’re too cold. you can’t sit in the shade because then you get too cold. i look at the chair where i just was, and i consider it. i contemplate it... i imagine what it would be like if there were someone sitting in that chair, some kind of companion... and i imagine, i start going through the list of unemployed friends, and i consider which one would be interested in hanging out today.

what i’m going to do now, i think, is to read that paper that helen of rippledstone had recommended to me.