couple days back Sitting on the train and waiting for my tor browser to establish a connection but it seems like it might take a while. It already has taken a while in fact. So for now I’m writing, and actually that sort of feels even better than the waiting did, and probably also better than the ouuuhhhhhh than the uhhhhhhh better than the uhhhh reading would, too. Sorry, I got distracted because there’s a youngish stylish mom who is pregnant and has a four year old next to her and he just looked out the window for the second time since I’ve started observing him instead of going on his phone and looking at this app that looks suspiciously like gambling. He said, “woah, mama?” as if to try getting her attention, but mama had her own business to attend to, in the form of her own phone screen, which was zoomed in on a woman’s face (hers, presumably?) and she zoomed in on the eye to look at the makeup, possibly. Or to look at something else. But probably the makeup is what I’d say. There’s a guy in the diagonal seat to my right who is black and he had some songs on his playlist that looked like all born screaming by st vincent. Does st vincent have any black fans? There are the sort of questions that could keep one up at night, at least for a few seconds. I don’t think it would keep me up. But i guess it’s keeping me up now, in the daytime. So, doesn’t count. It’s not keeping me up at night because right now it’s the daytime. The same person just got up and presumably is looking for the bathroom. He went toward the direction that the bathroom is not, then turned around and walked back toward where the bathroom is. If he comes back in like two minutes then I’m pretty sure he will have done the thing i suspect he’s doing, which is peeing in the bathroom, likely the same one that i peed in. and i also rolled up my pant legs in there too because the jeans are way too long. The light wash ones that i got in maine. I’m pretty hungry now too. I had the leftover tofu and broccoli and rice that i made the other night and it was the third time eating the tofofu and broccoli portion of it so maybe that’s why i couldn’t get the whole thing down and why i’m still hungry now. Plus i was probably a little bit overly in my fight or flight mode while in the car so it wasn’t quite—— And just like that the guy comes back and sits down and he seems to be a little relieved in the way that only peeing can provide, or else i’m just projecting further onto him the prediction that i made about how he was pissing it’s very possible that he wasnt pissing at all and that he did something else. Now he’s responding to his streaks it looks like. Well no actually seems like he was just responding to one fine shyt in particular. And he’s back to instagram reeeels. Man this generration is cooked, i’m afraid. Like i don’t know how we recover from all the moral injury that we take on every single day for the whole entire thing of being online and shit like that. My god the little kid next to me just stsarted crying the cry that can only come from a baby. This kid is too old to be behaving in the way that he is. But who am i to judge the activities of breeders and their children. I am decidedly not a breeder, yes decidedly, because i decided to be gay. I very well could’ve decided to be straight instead. that is something that i can control. That’s all i will say about the gay shit for now. But one other thing about being gay is that it still seems like we’re not fully on board with like accepting and loving ourselves. There needs to be a show or like a book or something that is all about how queer people are like evolutionarily superior or whatever it is that i’m trying to say. Or some kind of exploration of how and why gay people are beamed up into existence. Let me check on the tor browser to see if it’s connected yet to see if i’m ready to read my little southern reach book yet. The second one in the triolgoogy . i started listening to the audiobook but dont really like it because i wasnt paying attention at all the last time i listened to it, too busy grinding in minecraft, and then iiiits also like i just dont like the guy’s voice who’s narrating it. It’s funny how the dudes on this train don’t know how to read the signs as to where the restroom is. I just saw another dude around my age who went toward the wrong direction and then came back in the correct drirection. It’s funny. I don’t know what i look like. I don’t know what my hair looks like, but it doesn’t matter . i’m pereetyttyy sure it looks a little werid and just like not put together and unprofesional and shit like that and it’s not my finest work and stuff. This kid is really just likeeee it’s sort of sad. Idk it’s just sad this society we live in it’s so pointless it’s just like stupid as fuck and it’s just like stupid as fuck. Little boy just said there’s an island in the middle of the ocean (it’s a river). And the mom said nothing, just handed him a mcdosandls sandwich and she’s literally feeding it to him while he plays on his damn phone oh my god this is horrible i dont know how we are supposed to reach the next generation maybe i should just give up before i’ve even started i’m not going to take care of these breeders’ children i need to leave that to someone else i think like this shit is so unofofrofibable what im witnessing right now like feeding your child—— But no, again i can’t judge because i don’t know how devilish this kid would act if he werent being sedated with the bites of sandwich supplied by his mom and all he has to do to ask for one is let out a pathetic wimpy baby groan and he doesnt even look at it he just chews on it and then he keeps looking at his phone. This is the worst possible outcome for the american experiment they couldve ever possibly imagined. Like this is a train from albany to new york city which is good in theory to have this reliable and good infrastructure and shit but then it’s like okay so what are the poeple on thre train tdoing? Drinking white claw ginger ale and eating mcdonalds, going on their phones, feeding their little children mcdonadls out of their own hands while the childs hands just play some kind of childified gambling app? And who are the cmpoopnaies who benefit from getting children addicted to gambling and how have we alllowed these companeos to gconituneu? I’m sick of it all. I’m so sick of it all. I see why the u▒▒▒▒▒ started doing what he did. I need to l……. Idk waht i need to do. I’ll figure it out at some point probably. Oh my god the baby just started crying again and the mom fed him another bite. I can’t watch this but i also can’t stop watching it. Classic train crash scenario. Or car crash. Let’s hope it’s not a train crash scenario today. Let’s hope it’s just a car that crashed. Everyone else in the whole entire world is fucking dub as shit and i’m the only smart peroson in like a one million mile radius. later