anthill - idea

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moments ago And yeah the whole errrr thing is so played out, but- Oh . sorry. I didn’t know we were doing this now. Yippee. Give it up for day whatever the fuck. Seriously people whattatttttttttt are we doing? Nothing but documenting the flop era that never ends. It just never seems to FUCKING end, does it? This flop era of mine.... holy shit bud it’s so over isn’t it.... I’m quite litearllyyyy a flop..... I’m ..... the reasonable thing to do is “don’t just do something, stand there.” That’s a little lesson that I recalled today while I was refraining from doing something, and just standing there. I really seriously want to recommend it to any robots that are. Reading this. You guys should consider how rest has a significant role in every life-sustainingggg process. You gotta understand how rest functions in music as well. How rest functions anywhere is basically the same. Music is a Metaphor for life. Fuck dude we’re getting deep innit, deep. The pooooiiiiiiiint is the point and I’m fucking floating on it I’m on one of those beds of nails. And the points, all the successive points have tallied up, haven’t they? Although I can feel the regret there as I stand in this spot where I once dropped a great..... a great idea....... now lost, now lost, now lost, now lost. It was an idea for perhaps an invention, something about holding a screen in in front of one’s body. Why are you holding the screen in front of your body? Are you hiding something? Stop turning ar..... I’m trying to see what’s behind your screen. Can you let me see it? Stop turning as iiiii walkkkkk in an arcccccc working my way to a semicircle then circle just so I can see what’s behind it. Why do you not let me out of your sight? What is it, could it really be so wrong what you’ve planned there, could it, could it be? Could it really be os wrong to just have you do that A great idea is a dime a dozen You’ll have miliions of great ideas in your life and you’ll forget tttt all but one of them, and you keep chasing that one forevrer, ithiiiiiiii the phrase “deserve to be alive” crossed my mind at some point in the recent ppppppast I have no idea what todd ever says, where I ammmm the surrogate uhhhh for todd? Or toddd is the one who is surrogating me? I’m not sure what the idea was that I forgot or whether it would have been anything... again, that twinge of doubt about the idea, perhaps that was the twinge that told me I had other more important things to do before I jotted it down, and that was making sure that my equipment was working And sure as shit, it was. Just in time for me to not write down the genius thing that iiiiiiiiiiii had conceived. Just saying it was a red I’m just going to ride the high of having had a g ooood idea.... .i feel so grateful to have had a winter deal thilike hisssssssjjjfjfjjfjfjjjjjjjfffjffjjfjjfjjjjjfjfjjfjjfjjfjfjf jfdhjdjfasdflot. I can keep on having ideas till the cows come home. I think most of this operation is going to fall away.. no more life, so I’ll just become..... idk. Am I the life? Am I life? Is this life talking? Am iiiiiii... life? Is life me? Is life the girl writing this? If I die, life will not be able to write this anymore. My name is life. I feel it coming, I feel it comes,,ingngg, life is me... life is the girl writing this. Life......... life........ life....... life.......... life.............. life................. life................. life.................. life.............. life.............................. life........................ life.............................. life............................ life.................................... life pro-life and pro- abortion sometimes I delete the cringe , rather than killing the part of me that cringes. That idea is joining everything else that’s ever been forgotten, in the whole entire world How manyyyy award-winning works of something or other have been forgotten, never made to be made manifest? Never, ever, ever, aired out, neeeever externalized in any way, forgotten, a blip, ,,,,,,,, the sediment stackiiiiiiinnnnnng up on the source of the action potential like dust coating a wooden surface in a house, and aren’t houses such a colonial construct, aren’t they the most colonial one you can think of, is not life amazing, do I not love life, are we not feeling INNNNNNNCREDIBLEEEEEEEEE I am doing things my way for real I don’t need to send no goddamn emails I gotta be where I am bro even if it’s literally for six months maybe if it’ssssss persistent enough if it wants to get expressed enough it’ll come out of me, but until then I’ll consider how I let it down, how I fumbled it at the exact moment it needed me most. It needed to be midwifed in, and I got caught up in ego world, and ego world destroyed the idea, vaprorized it, melted it. It didn’t stand a chance in that neural environment, honestly.... but alas. These thing s happen. I drove three hours today and yesterday. What kind of invisible (to me) impacts were made by that? Bugs klillleddddddd, poisons poinsoned, etc. that idea with the frame.... the one with the rectangle, the idea about the rectangle, and how it contained something and blocked something else. The rectangle, yeah. I gotta pee go piss girl