first one I just looked at my sweatshirt with the anthropomorphic corn holding a flashlight and remembered that I had a dream I encountered someone, possibly a romantic interest, who also had an anthropomorphic corn on his sweatshirt, but his was a little more elegant and artistic than mine.
I had a bunch of daydreams while I was semi-awake but before I opened my eyes (like that Hayley Williams lyric). I don’t remember what they were, because as soon as I opened my eyes, I checked my phone to see what time it was (10 AM), and I got distracted by all the stupid-ass shit that had populated on my phone screen throughout the night and morning.
Oh my god, that reminds me, I had a dream that I was going to a Paramore concert at radio city music hall and was watching the audience get sold out in real time. The front and back sold out first, and then after a few seconds the middle portions started to sell out as well. Each section glowed in a color corresponding to its level of sold-out ness (bright red-pink = sold out).
In that same dream (though who can ever tell where the boundary is between dreams?) there was this older woman who offered me and my friends 12 mg weed cookies. I was like “wait, what the hell, I just gave up weed, but now I’m confronted with the same circumstance in which I said I would allow myself to use it: being with friends and having it offered to me.” So I ate the whole cookie then noticed my friend had only eaten half of it (but they ate the rest of it when they saw that I had eaten all of mine).
I remember feeling regret. I think my dreamself didn’t want to eat the cookie, but he was following my own conscious internal logic. That’s the purpose of dreams, isn’t it? To show you the consequences of abiding by your own internal logic systems? I think that’s the purpose.
One reading of the dream would be that I was craving weed, but that’s not the case. I took no joy in eating that cookie. I felt as though I’d been coerced into it by my own conscious logic.
There’s a lesson to be learned here: coercion is not just something that others do to you. You can also coerce yourself. Last night I was having some crises about, like, my own life and whether or not I should bash my head into my side table until my brain melts. Of course, I’m not going to do that, but sometimes my thought process meets a brick wall and just wants to bash its head against it. Not me, my brain. Me, personally? I would never do some kind of grave act of self-injury like that.
I don’t even know what’s the point of writing anymore. I don’t want people to read my shit. I want to be a ghost.
I also had a dream that I saw the hot nerd from survivor with his (male) fiancé. They were in a pool, and he had put this little purple glowing survivor thing on top of a waterfall slide next to the pool. I threw something at his fiancé. It was the physical equivalent of a grindr message (obviously) in an engagement ring-type box. I threw it, he caught it, I shot him a finger gun, and then I left the pool without saying anything.
I thought about saying “congrats” to hot nerd (for doing well on survivor) but decided it would be weird. I ended up feeling good about how I handled it. Then I wondered about the environmental implications of having auto-generating physical manifestations of grindr messages that you can hand out to anyone.