You’ve learned the basics. It’s time to get into the thick of things.
How are you doing?
I feel the need to check in and make sure you’re okay. How does it feel to know that you’re being equipped with tools that you’ll use for the rest of your life, tools that will fundamentally change every conversation you participate in from boring to… not?
There’s no time to waste.
I’m going to assume you’re okay.
You’re ready to go. The NPC mold is starting to break off. Some cracks are starting to form. I will now drive a wedge into those cracks. We will break the mold off together. In order to do that, I have to throw you into the belly of the beast, the next phase of our journey.
Conversations happen in levels. Usually, we stay at the ground level. Level 0. NPC talk. “Hey, how’s it going? What do you do?” This is the bottom floor, the place where 99% of us spend 99% of our time.
rung outThe drop-in method is our way of stepping above the ground floor. It’s the first step onto what I call
the vibe ladder,
the first step toward conversational greatness, the step up to Level 1.
You’ve already learned how to drop in. Remember? Start with something unexpected, vivid, and intriguing. It can be anything. You’ll have to use your imagination.
Dropping in is a skill that you may not master right away, and that’s perfectly okay.
It’ll take some practicing, just like it did for the taxi driver.
It’s all about putting yourself in more drop-innable situations, seeing what works and what doesn’t.
It’s also about identifying what is too unexpected, too vivid, too intriguing, and learning the pitfalls in hitting a fever pitch at the wrong time. You’d be better off staying on Level 0 and talking like an NPC than coming on too strong and scaring your conversation partner off. You have to warm them up first. Dip your toes in their conversational waters, get a feel for their temperature, figure out what wavelength they’re on so you can situate yourself onto it with them.
Let’s imagine you’re in a conversation, and you’ve successfully dropped in at Level 1. You’ve opened the conversation by asking your conversation partner to tell you something weird about themselves. They were taken aback a little, but they racked their brain for a second and told you that they only have nine toes. This is your opening. This is your moment to elevate the conversation from Level 1 to Level 2. If Level 1 is just a little spark, the place you land when you drop in, then Level 2 is a deeper emotional connection.
When transitioning between levels, it’s of utmost importance to pay careful attention to your words. If you accidentally choose an NPC dialogue option
(“Nine toes? That’s crazy!”),
you risk falling down to Level 0. Your conversation partner will think that your drop-in was a fluke, that you don’t have the skills to back up your bold entrance. This is a common pitfall for beginners, but one that you can avoid if you’re aware of the hazards. If you find yourself stumbling in this way, just refer back to Chapter 1 and refamiliarize yourself with the standard NPC dialogue options, internalize them, and avoid them.
It’s true: transitioning between levels is much like the transition an airplane makes from taxiing to taking flight. It’s the time in an airplane’s journey when the pilot needs to be the most laser-focused, or else the plane may come crashing down before it’s even hit its stride.
This law of transitions is something that I need to impress upon you before I describe the next levels on the vibe ladder. It is absolutely imperative that you treat these transitions with the respect they deserve, or else risk certain death of the conversation.
So how do you ascend from Level 1, the little spark, to Level 2, the emotional connection? It’s simple: you take the last thing your conversation partner said and go a little deeper.
Raise the stakes.
Show that you care about their story. If someone has entrusted you with a personal detail, it’s up to you to hold that truth in your hands and nurture it like a baby bird. Feed it a little, let it know that you’re aware you’re holding it, give it your full attention.
If you ask questions (which you should), you should ask them not in order to pry for the gritty details
(“Did you get it amputated or were you born that way?”),
but to seek understanding of the fully-formed individual person who is in front of you.
For example, consider this: “What’s it like having nine toes? Does it change how you put socks on?” It shows that you care about their lived experience. You’re approaching their story with curiosity and not judgment. You demonstrate that you genuinely want to know more, and you invite them to step up to the next rung of the ladder with you.
It’s important to keep in mind that conversations are a two-way street. If you decide to ascend the vibe ladder with someone, you have to be prepared for them to ask you similarly personal questions. You can’t just expect others to share personal information with you and give them nothing back.
In the NPC realm, the stakes stay low.
That’s part of the reason why so many of us stay down there for so much of our lives. It’s easier to reveal nothing about yourself. It’s boring, yes, but at least it’s not vulnerable.
Non-NPC conversation is inherently vulnerable. This is something that you need to remember at all times. Do not be afraid.
Approach the vulnerability with confidence.
Show your conversation partner that you’re not afraid to ask the difficult questions, and that you don’t even find them that difficult. They will match your confidence, and it will inspire them to ask you similarly “difficult” questions.
By now, you’ll have learned a bit about who your conversation partner is, and the qualities that define them as a person. Ideally, you’ll have also shared a bit about yourself.
Now is the time to transcend the level of the personal and broaden your scope beyond the human level.
Level 3 pushes past the emotional connection that you’ve established in Level 2 into the realm of the existential. It’s time to talk about the big existential questions that are our birthright as human beings: “What do you think this is all about? Like, all of this?” and “Do you ever feel like we’re in a simulation, or do you think the whole simulation thing is played out?”
Level 0 (NPC Talk) - “Hey, what do you do?”
Level 1 (Spark) - “I have nine toes.”
Level 2 (Emotional) - “What’s it like having nine toes?”
Level 3 (Existential) - “What if your toes themselves are being simulated?”
Now is the time to understand how your conversation partner is grappling with the real questions. You’re way past talk about the weather and sports teams. You’re learning about how another human being is experiencing and making sense of the very absurdity that we as humans have all had to grapple with at some point or another.
Level 3 is a deeply intimate level of conversation, and it bears repeating that you must be prepared for whatever realms this kind of conversation might open up.
You have to be prepared to stare into the face of God, or the Devil, or Time, or the Universe.
All of these things are up for grabs in Level 3. Be prepared.
I am trying to impress upon you the importance of proper preparation and expectation-setting because I know the dangers of rushing into these levels. It would’ve been very possible for our taxi driver to ascend too quickly into Level 3, causing Mark and his friends to exchange glances with each other to the effect of “this guy is nuts.”
The vibe ladder is one that must be ascended mindfully, with a full appreciation for what’s at stake. You’re holding your conversation partner in your hand like a little bird. You need to be careful not to crush it, and you need to be prepared for it to peck your finger or even poop on you.
This is no longer a low-stakes conversation.
I understand that you may be feeling overwhelmed by this talk of ascending ladders and crashing airplanes and birds biting your hand.
Take heart and don’t be afraid.
In the following chapters, I will teach you in more detail how exactly to ascend the ladder. By the time we’re finished, you’ll know the ladder inside and out, and you’ll have the knowledge and confidence to climb it effortlessly.
climb