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change, eventually I believe that even if I don't exhibit any agency at all, I will still find my way. If you save one life you save all of humanity. That’s in the quran. But what happens if the life that you save is a bug's? right Through non-grapsing we can find enlightenment.

yeah.

What do I have to say for myself? A little bug flitting around. It landed on the ground, far away. chirp There are things happening now, still. Things like crickets, which now seem to chirp endlessly, all day and all night. Has that always been the case? cuz I used to associate crickets with nighttime, but now I hear them in a continuous drone. The leaves are continuing to change, but we’re still very much prior to the actual tipping poooooint. I remember now being in clinic with doctor ████████, him asking me some kind of question, me having no response, letting silence fill the space around us,,,,,,, feeling like I was diddssiososcoatiaiting, in real time, within the four wallls of a clinic room. How many of those did I set foot in by the time all was said and done? I’m not sure what my calling is. I don't feel called to do anything these days besides read and write and be outside. That’s my god honest truth. And friendship and family. I’ve felt some random pulls toward certain jobs, but all of those ended up being transient. Turned down one and got rejected from one. cute! There is no way to know right now. No way to know. Better by far to stick to the cute little observations of the moment. The shadows starting to go horizontal. Soon they will be fully horizontal, and the sun will have set once more, and another day will have recached its end. I will be another day closer to the end of life itself. I had aaaaa scare last night. I imagined myself getting struck by lightning. It was dark. I was in my hammock, pondering what would happen if I were to fall asleep, knees bunched up and pulled inside my sweatshirt, fetal position... so warm and cozy back then, last night. New nostalgia comes up every day. What will I be nostalgic for when it comes to this day? Complete and total freedom! I feel, right now, in this moment, a sense of cards falling into place.